


A Time for Sentimentality

by Conjure_Lass



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Choice with No Regrets Spoilers, Alternate Canon, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Frottage, M/M, Masturbation, Top Eren Yeager, and his emotional thaw might take a few chapters, levi is a reserved individual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 23:10:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 47,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conjure_Lass/pseuds/Conjure_Lass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eren breaks into Levi's sleeping quarters, he gets more than he bargained for. What kinds of long-held secrets does Levi keep hidden away and to what lengths will Eren go to find out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm almost positive this plot bunny has been used before, but I figured what the hell, right? There are going to be spoilers for the "A choice with no regrets" visual novel, so read at your own risk! I'm really hoping you all enjoy this, despite it being my first venture into the fandom! Please take note that all mistakes are my own. :D

It began innocently enough…if by innocent one meant a hushed conversation around the corner of an empty dinner table.    

“I bet he has food stashed away in there!” Sasha says, stretching her neck to glance at the door before ducking back down into the huddle where she and the others were whispering over the hypothetical contents of Corporal Levi’s quarters. “You see the way he barely eats.  He practically lives on coffee!”

Connie shakes his head and leans back in his chair.  “Nah, he’s too thin to be hoarding food. He’s probably just used to not eating much after being in the Survey Corps so long.”

“That’s why it’s a stash!”

Things had gone on this way for the better part of two hours, with someone throwing out an idea one minute only to have it shot down the next. Everything from the practical (spare mops and laundry detergent) to the outrageous (smutty picture books and thatlaundry detergent with the extra scrubbing crystals mixed in) had been brought up as possible candidates; the conclusion was eventually reached that the Corporal probably thought cleaning _was_ smutty and didn’t actually need dirty pictures. In fact, no one could imagine the Corporal in a sexual way at all, which eventually lead to talk of him actually being a virgin. 

Ever logical, Armin crosses his arms and stares contemplatively down at the floor.  “It’s not entirely outside the realm of possibility.  They say Corporal Levi has always been highly driven.  Maybe he’s…just never made time for it?”   

“No way!” Jean says loudly enough that Mikasa puts a finger to her lips, the whites of her eyes glittering in the lamplight. Gossiping was bad enough, but the fact that they were doing so about the Corporal was enough to earn them a beating. “Have you seen the way women look at him?” Jean continues, quietly undaunted, the corners of his mouth quirking up as though he’s just thought of something clever. “Well, down at him, anyway.”  

“As if he’d give a shit about that,” Eren murmurs, lazily glancing up from where he’s been resting against the tabletop during the duration of the conversation. A conversation he, incidentally, has refused to take part in. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than talk about the Corporal’s sex life?”

“Aren’t you curious?” Sasha leans in, her bangs falling messily across her eyes as she taps her fingers in a quick rhythm against the edge of the table. The sound echoes loudly in the suddenly quiet room, and Eren tries not to squirm against the unexpected scrutiny he’s now under. “You were with Squad Levi for weeks.  Didn’t you overhear anything?”

“Nothing like what _you’re_ thinking, pervert!”

Curiosity regarding the Corporal isn’t really the problem; Eren has that in spades.  It’s just that, in truth, he doesn’t really know anything about him.  Not _really_. In the entire month Eren was with them and in spite of his less-than-subtle prying, none of the previous squad members had ever mentioned much that could be considered personal about Corporal Levi.  The closest he’d come to any kind of answer was with Petra, and even she didn’t seem to know the specifics of Levi’s past, despite her obvious adoration of the man.

And that was the thing, wasn’t it?  Why was everyone so devoted to a person who was seemingly an impersonal jerk? Even Commander Erwin acted as though Levi could do no wrong.  Was it due to his being humanity’s strongest solider and everyone simply tolerating his eccentricities, or was there something more to him that other people saw but Eren was missing?  It wasn’t just a soldier’s loyalty that Levi inspired in his troops, but esteem and admiration and an affectionate faithfulness as well. 

He was Captain of the Soldiers.  To everyone…  

“It’s settled then!” Jean slaps his palm down against the tabletop, startling Eren from his thoughts.  “Eren, you’ll do it, right?”

“Do _what_?!”  Sitting up fully, he looks nervously around at the five pairs of eyes staring back at him expectantly, and it’s only then that he realizes that he’s been zoning out for the better part of five minutes.  Blinking a few times, he unconsciously grips the seat of his chair with both hands and fights the urge to squirm.

 “What am I doing?”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

“No, no, no, no,” he whispers, peeking around an ominous corner to stare in blatant horror down a terrible hallway to the horrifying door at its end.  It was all bad. Everything was bad. He’d rather go fight titans! Repel cannonballs with his bare hands! 

Anything other than breaking into Lance Corporal Levi’s quarters.

“This is crazy.  He’s gonna kill me.  I cannot _believe_...”

As usual, it had actually been Armin who’d convinced him.  Oh, Eren had protested for a good twenty minutes that it wasn’t right to invade a person’s privacy; more importantly, if he were caught doing so he’d more than likely be skewered on the spot after Levi put a boot in his face…again. No one had seemed to care. Nope, in the end he’d relented, just like every other time when Armin’s gentle explanations and clever arguments had persuaded Eren to change his mind about something he knew wasn’t going to end well.

Or maybe it was because, deep down, he really _did_ want to discover more about Levi.  Maybe, if he were being honest with himself, he’d wanted to do so for a while. And, hey, if that meant invading the privacy of a grown man’s bedroom to have a snoop around, than well…

It wouldn’t be the _worst_ thing Eren had ever done.

His breath shudders in his chest as he cautiously steps out into the hall, scanning the immediate area for movement and sound as though he’s a deer venturing out into an open meadow. All clear. Another deep breath and he starts towards the door, all the while praying that the Corporal didn’t pick tonight of all nights to break routine and decide to come back early from patrol.  There was comfort in knowing that it was unlikely; Eren had paid enough attention to know that, if allowed, the older man tended to do things pretty much the same way all the time and didn’t break pattern very often. 

 _Please be locked, please be locked, please be locked_ …

Of course it isn’t, and there is a noticeable measure of disappointment churning in his belly when the knob turns smoothly and with no effort.  It would have been nice to have an excuse not to do this.

He does it anyway.

The first thing he notices as he opens the door to peek inside is that it smells of…nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eren had been expecting some sort of disinfected smell, as though the entire room had been doused in bleach, but the lack of any noticeable scent was kind of startling.  It was as though it was so clean it was sterile, and as he steps in he thinks can actually smell _himself_ more than he could before going in.  Lifting up his sleeve to his face, he recoils and wrinkles his nose; he _does_ smell.  Why hadn’t he noticed before?  Why hadn’t anyone bothered to tell him?   

Making a mental note to wash his uniform in the morning, he takes in the rest of the room’s contents with child-like interest, smiling softly as trepidation makes way for curiosity. Moonlight spills through the bare window to his left, illuminating the walls and allowing him to see that the furnishings were just as spartan (a bed, a chair, a chest, a dresser) as he’d imagined they would be.  Their placement almost makes it appear as though the room is unlived in, as though it were just an unused storage area, almost a cold feeling. Officers in the military didn’t exactly have luxurious living quarters, but most of them tended to be a bit more elaborate than the average soldier’s; Levi’s weren’t like that at all. It was like an outward expression of the man himself, in a way. Biting his bottom lip, Eren slowly runs his fingertips along the plain, gray comforter of the bed (precisely made with perfect hospital corners) and tries not to think about the fact that this was where the Corporal _slept_. This was where he _dreamed_.  Eren wondered what Levi dreamed about…did he have bloody nightmares about titans like Eren did or did he sleep in blissful, perfect darkness, unaware of when he dreamed at all?  

A flicker of light drifts over the old chest nestled against the wall, drawing Eren’s attention away from the bed and his own questionable thoughts.  Kneeling down to get a better look at it, he notes the way the dark wood is worn but well-cared for, the way the copper corners and locks are faded with patina, but burnished as though Levi still takes time to polish them.  In a room with little personality, the Corporal’s obvious attentions made this item special, made it stand out against a backdrop of otherwise boring neutrality.

Eren hesitates for a moment as he begins to lift the lid of the chest, feeling suddenly uneasy with what he’s about to do.  This wasn’t right and he knew it.  If Corporal Levi had secrets -which anyone who had lived though as much as he had probably did- it certainly wasn’t Eren’s place to unmask them.  And yet...there was something in the other man that Eren identified with. A rare and unpredictable look in his eyes (one that was gone as quickly as it came) that sometimes mirrored a feeling Eren had but was unable to name.     

Maybe this would help him do that…

His breath catches in his throat as the contents of the box are revealed, his hand coming up to his mouth before reaching slowly down to bring out the first thing he comes into contact with. 

“I thought he’d been kidding about that,” Eren whispers to himself with a smile as he draws out a pair of wooden knitting needles, long pieces of yarn looped around each one with what appeared to be a half-finished blue scarf dangling from their middle.  Images of Levi lying in bed late at night spring into Eren’s mind, soft lamplight catching his unusually messy hair as he knitted up…this thing.  Whatever it was. Each stitch, while a little loose, was perfect and well placed, almost as nice as the things his mother had knitted back before she’d died.

Maybe it was a new hobby?

The thought of his mother dampens his mood a little, so he places the needles aside to delve back into the chest and lift up a soft little bundle wrapped in a faded jacket. It’s tied together with the same yarn Levi had been using for his knitting, and upon opening it up, Eren’s mouth falls open as his heart beings to race, a soft sound of surprise tumbling from his parted lips.

Patches.  Survey Corps patches.  At least three-dozen, if not more, stacked one upon another like tombstones in a hand-held cemetery.  Eren holds a few of them up to the moonlight, his ears ringing as he takes in the appearance of each one in turn.  Some were older than others, with the ends of their fabric fraying and tattered, while others didn’t seem to be more than a few months old, their colors still bright and new as though they’d barely seen any use.  Most were spattered with faded blood or had been crushed in some way, and there was one in particular that was so aged that the emblem itself was of a slightly different design, one that hadn’t been used in the Corps for at least the last ten years. 

Eren’s stomach gives a nauseous flip, the sensation prompting him to sit back on his heels for a moment and close his eyes so he doesn't have to see the scraps piled in his trembling palms. How long had the Corporal been collecting these? How many of them _couldn’t_ he collect because their owner had been devoured, their uniforms too decomposed from the inside of a titan’s belly to be retrieved?  A wave of guilt crashes over Eren as he reopens his eyes and shakily closes the jacket before setting it to the side; he shouldn’t have done this. He should never have come in here. He should never have let them talk him into doing it. It was one thing to have a look around the Corporal’s room, but it was another entirely to see the raw proof of another man’s grief and hold it in your hand. 

Eren didn’t have the right to see that.

Deciding he should leave, Eren quickly grabs up Levi’s belongings and tries to return them to the exact spot where he’d found them, becoming more and more determined by the moment to get out of there and forget everything he’d seen.  And he’s just about to do that when a glint of metal catches his eye, silently seducing Eren into pulling away the small towel covering it before he can question his own actions. 

Oh…my…

He almost isn’t sure what the object is at first, but upon closer inspection it dawns on him that it is actually an incredibly worn out piece of 3-D maneuver gear, so far beyond repair that the Gear Proper is literally falling apart at the seams. His eyes widen in shock, his bottom lip once more worried between his teeth as he stares down at it in disbelief. The fan blades that would usually turn and help propel the wearer forward are broken into blade-like shards that squeak and spin unevenly as he lifts the unit delicately to get a better look at it.  It was an absolute _relic_. Or at least it seemed that way to Eren, who had never seen a unit in such shabby shape. Most maneuver gear, when past its prime, was destroyed so that criminals and vagrants wouldn’t be able to get hold of it and use it. 

It was never set aside and packed away like a keepsake, its metal so shiny that Eren knows without a doubt that the Corporal is still tending to it despite the fact that it was clearly never going to see the light of day again. 

A thousand questions flood his mind as he almost reverently turns the unit in his hands, bringing it close so he can take note of each old scratch and long-repaired dent.  Where had Levi gotten this?  How old was it?  When had he worn it?  Why was it here, in a box, like some kind of twisted memento?  Was it his or had it been someone else’s?  Why was he keeping it at all? He wishes he could ask the Corporal…

Though, from the shadow falling over his eyes, he doesn’t think he’s going have the opportunity to ask another question ever again.

Ever.

“What are you **_doing_** in here?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the response I got on this! I won't lie and say it doesn't make me feel all warm and gooey inside. 
> 
> Anyway! I was snowed in today, so here's chapter two! I think I get some kind of perverse pleasure out of making Levi a little more vulnerable, but I can't help it. Anyone who collects the patches of dead friends/comrades has a vulnerable side. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

“ _What are you **doing** in here_?”

It’s as though every last breath of air is gone, as though it’s been sucked away in one fell swoop to leave Eren frozen on the floor gasping for his life.

And _still_ Levi doesn’t speak again.

The world dissolves into static as Eren slowly begins to work up some courage, his fingers twitching against the gear in his hands so tightly that it creaks and whines, the sound unnaturally loud in the pregnant silence. He steels himself, swallowing his heart back down into his chest. It is an almost herculean effort to look up from the floor, for his gaze to ascend from Levi’s immaculately clean boots to his hands hanging loosely at his sides, to linger on the way his chest calmly rises and falls and along the perfectly pressed folds of his cravat before at last reaching his face.

The Corporal’s eyes, when Eren can finally look into them, are not angry the way he’d imagined they’d be. They’re not outraged or sad or any other kind of emotion that Eren can place. They are intentionally _blank_ , though Eren isn’t sure how he knows that either. He only knows that the Corporal is holding back; it’s there in the set of his shoulders and the hard clench of his jaw, as though he’s fighting the urge to rush forward. It’s buried there in his sterile gray eyes that are so much like his precisely clean quarters where there is a place for everything and everything is in its place.  Except for one lonely chest full of memories…

And suddenly Eren feels very _out_ of place.

His mouth is so dry it takes three tries to get the words out, and even when he does they’re barely a croak.  “Corporal, I--”

“You know what, I don’t even give a shit,” Levi says softly, his voice controlled even more so than usual.  On a normal day the Corporal sounds almost bored, as though even the most horrific things are somehow routine.

This isn’t like that. 

“Get out.”

“But, I--” Eren tries again as he pushes up onto one knee, propelled forward by the almost physical need to explain himself, to smooth the waters, to say anything that would make this violation be okay.  Even though he damn well knows aren’t enough words to make it so.

“I said _get out_!”

The words lash out painfully, startling Eren into losing his grip on the gear he’d forgotten he’d been holding, the unit tumbling down to the floor before he can catch it.  It breaks and rolls as it collides with the floorboards, bolts and screws skittering in every direction as Eren stares down aghast. He can’t move. He can’t breathe. He can’t do anything but _stare_. And after what seems like an eternity of doing _that_ , one cog clatters to rest at the toe of Levi’s boot, finally drawing Eren’s attention to the way the other man’s hands are clenched into fists and the faint tremor going up his arm.    

And his eyes are _closed_ …

Eren is up and clamoring off the floor before he consciously knows he’s doing it, the urge to escape overriding every other rational thought.  He’s half expecting to be grabbed on the way past, but Levi doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even spare a fleeting look, doesn’t acknowledge Eren at all as he retreats. There’s no yelling, there’s no kicks to the face, there’s no nothing. 

Pausing in the doorway, Eren risks a cautious backwards glance and promptly wishes he hadn’t. 

Because Levi is kneeling silently down to gather up the strewn out pieces of metal and collecting them in his palm. Because his eyebrows are drawn together over his eyes in a way that –if only for the briefest second- look as though a part of _himself_ has just shattered all over the floor as well. 

Fighting the sting at the back of his eyes, Eren quickly turns away, and if he happens to run down the hallway like his name had just come up in the book of Hell…well…there’s no one there to see it…

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

The first white rays of the sun are just peeking up over the horizon when Armin finds him sitting on the front steps, his chin propped up on his knees as he stares listlessly out into the distance. Eren rubs his burning eyes with the back of his hand and stifles the same yawn he’d been battling for the last two hours.

It had been a long night. 

What was he going to _do_?  How was he going to _fix_ this? There was absolutely nothing he could say to Corporal Levi that would make up for what he’d done. There were no amount of empty words that would repair the damage.  Eren wasn’t even worried about getting in trouble anymore!  Well, he’d be lying if he wasn’t a _little_ concerned about it, but it certainly wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts anymore. 

Levi was. 

Because the image of those gray eyes brimming with barely checked emotion was absolutely burned into Eren’s memory. He’d never be rid of it, though he didn’t know that he wanted to be.  And with each mental repetition came so much stomach-turning guilt that he’d practically thrown up out in the bushes at least three times. He’d never thought to see such an expression on the Corporal, the usually stoic man’s features consumed with such regret that Eren couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to cause it.  What choices had Corporal Levi made in the past that had filled him up like that? Hadn’t he been the one to tell Eren to try and make the choices that you’d regret the _least_?     

Still, Eren knew what that felt like…

“The Corporal…hasn’t come to breakfast yet.” Armin joins Eren on the steps after a moment’s hesitation, clasping his hands in his lap. No explanation was needed. The Corporal was always the first person to wake; he was dressed, breakfasted, and busying himself with his duties before everyone else was even out of bed.  The fact that he was still abed while breakfast got cold on the table?

Eren had fucked up _so_ bad.

Brushing a lock of blond hair behind his ear, Armin leans in as though trying to get a better look at Eren’s down-turned face.  “What happened, Eren?  You never came back.  Have you been out here all night?”

Ugh.  He so didn’t need this right now.

“ _Nothing_ happened.  I _know_.  And, _yes_ , I’ve been out here all night. Anything _else_ or are you through _interrogating_ me?” Eren lets his confusion and distress morph into anger for a moment before the tiniest flinch in Armin’s shoulders makes him pull back. He shakes his head and tries to smile.  “I’m sorry, Armin. I-I just…I can’t talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t!” He rises unsteadily to his feet and shoves both hands up into his hair to give his bangs a painful tug. A distraction. Armin is his best friend; Eren generally tells him every stupid thing that goes through his head, but this…this is private. He’d already broken Levi’s trust once and telling Armin about it would be akin to invading the older man’s privacy all over again. No. This had to stay between him and the Corporal. “ _Argh_! Just don’t, please? Last night didn’t go as planned and let’s just leave it at that, okay?” 

“Well, we figured something was up when you didn’t come back after an hour,” Armin continues, unfazed (as usual) by Eren’s frustration.  “Jean and Connie had a going bet that it was because your legs were broken.”

A snort of wry laughter bubbles up through Eren’s nose, and he takes a deep breath to keep it from turning into something else.  In truth, two broken legs would have been better than this. This _waiting_ and _knowing_ that he was going to have to face Levi at some point and not having a clue what to say or do when he did. The Corporal breaking his legs would have been _something_.  This was just _nothing_.

And somehow that seemed worse.

Suddenly remembering that he’d wanted to wash his uniform and reasoning it might be a good diversion from thinking, Eren starts in the direction of the well to gather some water. “If the Corporal asks where I am just tell him I’m washing my clothes,” he says, brushing off any further questioning with a wave of his hand. In truth, if he stayed with Armin any longer he’d probably just break down and tell him what had happened and that’s the last thing he should be doing right now.

“You know, it’s odd…I thought I saw him going out to the stables when I woke up this morning…” Armin murmurs softly, but before Eren can turn is making his way back into the house without a word.

What the hell was _that_ about?

Out of some kind of morbid curiosity Eren stops by the stables on his way to get the washboard from the storage shed, surprised to find that Levi’s favorite horse actually _is_ missing from its stall. Did that mean he wasn’t there?  Sure, the six of them were fine with limited supervision, but it wasn’t like the Corporal to leave without saying anything.  This is terrible. Not coming to breakfast, acting out of character…he was probably using the solitude to come up with all sorts of ways to make Eren’s life pure misery for the next month.

Though…something told Eren it was more than that.

Once he’s stripped down he throws all his clothes into the washbasin and moves to start scrubbing his shirt down the board, turning his shoulders towards the sun in an attempt to keep himself warm.  Autumn had only just arrived but the air is already chilly, laden with the smell of dying leaves and pollen drifting around in the breeze. Eren takes a deep breath of it and lets it back out slowly through his mouth, forcing himself to relax before unintentionally glancing back towards the stables.

Why had Corporal Levi left, anyway?

And just like that his mind is back to the previous evening, the scene replaying itself in his head for what seemed like the umpteenth time.  Except, with the added distraction of wringing out his pants, his thoughts take a slightly different turn. Corporal Levi was actually…kind of sentimental, wasn’t he?  It was surprising that someone so outwardly reserved would have such a side; perhaps that was the real reason Eren was so reluctant for anyone else to find out about what he’d seen.

It was kind of special, in a perverse, stalkerish sort of way. It was something intimate about Levi that only Eren knew. Like it somehow made them…closer? Wait, closer than _what_? More than that, why was he happy about it? He’d snooped around a grown man’s room and broken things that had obvious sentimental value!  What did he want the Corporal to be to him other than his superior officer, anyway?  Sure, Eren admired him and had always wanted to kind of be like him, but that didn’t mean they were good friends.  Hell they weren’t _any_ kind of friends!

What the hell was he even thinking?!

Pushing forward on the washboard with more force than was strictly necessary, he tries to focus on his task and nothing more. Just the wash. Nothing more. And as the minutes float by in relative peace, the repetitive sound of scrubbing manages to lull him into a relatively calm state. It feels good, actually, just to do something mundane like washing his socks.  He spends so much of his time these days thinking about…well… _heavier_ things than washing clothes.

It’s nice to feel relatively normal for a few minutes.

He’s just hanging up the last of his clothes when the sound of approaching hooves makes his heart leap into his throat once again, his pulse speeding up to hammer in his ears.  Swallowing so hard he’s pretty sure he might have broken something, he turns to glance over his shoulder, watching as the Corporal leads his horse through the farmyard. The animal is shining with sweat as though they’d been riding hard, its breathing heavy and labored; Levi himself is a mess, his hair windblown and sticking up at odd angles, his expression distracted, his uniform slightly rumpled and wrinkled. 

Eren has never seen Levi in this sort of state before…not ever. Sure, by other people’s standards he looked fine, but by Lance Corporal Levi standards he was an absolute wreck. And seeing it sets off a chain reaction of sensations quivering through Eren’s body, an eddying mix of protectiveness and affection that eventually settles into a slow burn somewhere in his lower abdomen. It makes every warning bell he has ring out at once, because no matter how he looked at it, he couldn’t exactly play it off as hero-worshipping. 

Oh, he’d like to, but he couldn’t.

As though sensing he was being blatantly stared at, Levi’s gaze flicks up from where he’s dismounting to lock with Eren’s own. They stare at each other a very long time, and the longer the moment stretches out the more taut it becomes until Eren can’t help but be aware of the fact that he’s sitting around in the middle of the yard in nothing but his underwear.  He’s even more keenly aware that it isn’t actually his semi-nakedness that’s making him feel naked; he doesn’t understand what’s going on, but also but doesn’t have the strength of will to look away. Why isn’t Levi yelling at him?  Why isn’t he rushing over to kick Eren in the face the way he deserves?  Why is he just staring, with probing eyes full of unspoken questions that Eren wasn’t sure he could answer even if he knew what they were?

What _is_ this?!

It feels like a punch in the gut when Levi _looks away first_ , as his hand flutters almost nervously to try and rearrange his cravat before pushing the horse in front of himself like he’s hiding from Eren’s gaze and moving quickly into the stables.

Something _splinters_.

And it’s then that the feeling in his gut begins to sizzle along the rest of his body, filling Eren up like a cup in the rain with the sensation he has come to recognize as resolve: he _has_ to fix this. There is no other option. Whatever hidden desire is guiding him to do so, no matter where it leads, no matter what roadblocks he’s inevitably going to have to climb over, he absolutely cannot stand to see the Corporal look like that. Moreover, he wants to know _why_. He wants to hear the story behind all those patches and that old maneuver gear. He wants to watch Levi knit whatever the hell he thought he was knitting. Hell, Eren would wear it if it made the Corporal feel better. 

And he isn’t going to question his own motivations anymore.

He’s just going to _do_ it. Full speed ahead. Just like he does _everything_ else.   

Well…as soon as his clothes dry, anyway…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a question on whether I have a tumblr? I do, but it's so dull I doubt anyone would want to look at it. But, for those who do? 
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com
> 
> There you can, I guess, watch me reblog nonsense and complain about getting older? And I'm a firm believer in following back, so there's that! I mean, I'm not going to follow you if you've got like weirdo porn or something. Aw hell, who am I foolin'...I'll totally follow weirdo porn too. XD!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snowed in again! But that's good for you guys, because I'd usually never get this much writing done in such a short period of time! 
> 
> Yay! 
> 
> In other news: I like this chapter. I'm not gonna lie. I'm happy with it. I like quiet scenes and this is a quiet scene. I hope you guys enjoy it and thank you SO much for reading! I'm very flattered!

“You can do this,” Eren says to his mirrored reflection, twisting around slightly so he can use the last of the sunlight to get a better look at the backs of his thighs and fiddle with the straps of his uniform.  He wants to be as presentable as possible when facing his death, afterall.  “This is nothing. You’ve crushed titans with your bare hands.  It’s just Corporal Levi.”

Just Corporal Levi. 

 _Right_. 

Even his reflection doesn’t believe it. 

Despite being an officer and entitled to have one, the Corporal doesn’t actually keep anything that could be considered an office. Moreover, he doesn’t even appear to _want_ one.  Levi, from everything that Eren had ever seen, was content with simply collecting all his supplies in a portable lapdesk that he set up wherever he happened to be at any given time. At the castle it had been a spare dining hall table. In town he seemed to share Commander Erwin’s office. Here at the farmhouse it’s the coffee table in the parlor. 

And it’s the doorway of said parlor that Eren pauses nervously outside of now, pressing his forehead against the wall as he listens to the sound of Levi writing inside. Back at the castle Eren used to watch him do paperwork after dinner when it became quiet and still, sneaking glances over the rim of his coffee cup at the way Levi’s long fingers would move over the paper, the way his eyes would focus on his task, the deft flick of his wrists. The Corporal used pencils, never ink, and when he made a rare mistake he used the eraser until there wasn’t a trace of graphite left and the page was spotlessly clean again.

Eren thought he’d been quite sneaky about his voyeurism at the time, but Levi most likely had known.

The subtle scratching trickles away, and for a moment Eren swears he can hear the sound of Levi’s breathing rise up to take its place. In and out. So gentle. But when the writing doesn’t pick back up after a few moments his shoulders stiffen, his whole body growing tense as he stares wide-eyed at the wall in front of him. Had he been heard? 

Did it matter?  Isn’t that why he’s here anyway?  To talk to Levi? Well then, he has to go through the door, right?  He has to take a deep breath, suck it up, and get his ass through that door right now!

“Sir, can I--” he says, announcing his presence more loudly than was probably necessary as he marches into the room, taking a look around to get his bearings and discovering that…     

Levi is _staring_ at him.

“--talk…to…you.”

Well, more appropriately, he’s staring at the _doorway_ , but since Eren is now in said doorway, he’s now staring at Eren. How long had he been sitting there waiting for him to come into the parlor?!  Awkward seconds tick by before Levi finally averts his gaze and turns back towards the coffee table to pick up a nearby pencil and continue his work, leaving Eren unsure of what to do.   

Now what?! 

Being proactive has never been one of Eren’s strong suits. In reality, his whole life has been a one big series of reactionary events, things forced upon him, things he’s had to deal with and respond to as accordingly as he could manage.  He’s never really been put in a situation where he had to take the initiative, where he has to be the catalyst that creates the change.  He was always the timber, set aflame by life’s circumstances; now he has to be the spark that sets the blaze.

“If you’re going to stand there gaping at me like an idiot, why don’t you make yourself useful and go light the lamps so I can see.”

Well…that hadn’t been exactly what he’d had in mind.   

“Yes, sir,” he murmurs, moving around the room until the walls and floor are bathed in warm candlelight and deep shadows gather long and heavy in the corners. The house is utterly still as though they were the only two people within it, not a sound to be heard other than Levi’s quiet scribbling as the last light of sunset disappears beyond the horizon just outside the parlor window.

“Corporal,” he turns, taking a deep breath of the strange sense of calm that has settled within him as he takes a cautious step forward, “I just wanted to apologize.” 

Levi doesn’t speak at first, but his hand falters just slightly against the page before he stops writing altogether and glances up, a sort of internal battle racing across his features.  Annoyance.  Confusion. Sadness? Curiosity. Annoyance again, though this time Eren isn’t sure who its directed at. The fact that Eren can decipher any emotion at all considering Levi’s limited facial range is astounding. 

“What for?” he replies finally, leaning back on the couch to cross his arms over his chest and tilt his head back in an almost lazy way, scrutinizing Eren with narrowed eyes.  The light of a nearby candle wavers and catches the delicate curve of his cheek, setting it off in a startling contrast to the rest of his face. Suddenly it’s all Eren can do to think, much less _speak_. The air is gone again and he’s not sure where it went. 

“Well…I mean, for going into your room…but mostly for breaking your stuff.” He puts both hands out in front of himself in a pleading way, eyebrows coming together beseechingly.  “Can I fix it for you, sir?  _Please_? I’m sure I can do it if you just give me a little time.”

“Unnecessary. I repaired it last night and--”

“Last night?!” Eren, taken aback, remembers how awful it had looked shattered all over the floor.  There had been bits of it everywhere!  How had Levi managed to repair it in such a short period of time? “But, _how_? I mean, it was in pieces!  It was so _old_.”

An almost wide-eyed look flashes over Levi’s face as he blinks a few times and uncrosses his arms to spread them out over the top of the couch, crossing his legs at the knee in a way that makes Eren swallow.  “Are you calling me old, Eren?”

Oh, _shit_.

“N-no, sir!” He flaps his hands like some kind of ridiculous bird to illustrate his point more accurately, teeth grinding nervously in the back of his jaw as he feels his palms get sweaty. That hadn’t been what he meant at all!  He’d just meant that the gear looked old and that it would be difficult to fix it in one night!  Not that Levi was old because he was…as old…as the…gear?

Wait.

“It’s _yours_?!” he blurts out without thinking. “Damn, I didn’t realize you’d been in the Corps that long! I mean, I knew you’d been a soldier for a while, but I’ve never seen gear look that bad before. They don’t even make it like that anymore, do they?”

It isn’t until one of Levi’s eyebrows begins to rise up in an almost comical way that Eren is even aware that he’s babbling, comfortably rambling out whatever came to his head without regard to his audience. Since when did he do that with Corporal Levi?!  The man was his superior officer, not Armin or Mikasa!  What was he thinking?! After gaping briefly at his own stupidity, he promptly closes his mouth with what he’s sure is an audible snap and puts both hands behind his back.

“Sorry, sir,” he says softly, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I was just hoping there was some way I could make it up to you.”

“Forget it, literally, and we’ll call it even.” Levi shakes his head and leans forward, grabbing up a stack of papers as though that put an end to the conversation.

The end. Finished. Over. That’s all.   

But Eren doesn’t _want_ it to be over; he’s more curious than ever! So the gear was Levi’s? From when?  Why does he keep it?  The maneuver gear generally had to be replaced every few years, so Levi had undoubtedly changed his out numerous times over his career.  What made that one so special?  Why keep it hidden away in a box?  Why?

“But, sir--” 

“Am I _different_ to you now, Jaeger?” Without warning Levi slams his palm down onto the coffee table, the force of it sending pencils bouncing and rolling down to the floor. His eyes are bright with anger now, the intensity of them making Eren take a step back against the onslaught, all the while fighting the urge to run out of the room like his instincts were telling him to. _Here_ was the indignation; here was the fury and resentment. On some level, Eren was almost relieved.  No one could have their privacy violated like that and be calm about it. 

“I _asked_ you a question.”

“Huh?” Eren blinks, fighting the sudden tremor in his hands.  

“Am I _different_ to you, now that you’ve seen my things?” Levi’s voice is just above a whisper, dangerously low and molten and slightly unsteady, oozing along Eren’s spine like hot molasses.  “Do I seem different now that you think you know something about me, you patronizing ass?  Where the fuck do you get off treating me as anything other than your commanding officer just because you--”

Stopping abruptly, he stares at the doorway and puts up his palm as though physically willing himself to be silent. “Leave me alone,” he says after a deep breath, his voice back to normal save for the tiniest waver. “Shit, why do you make me so--”

“ ** _Yes_**!”

Eren doesn’t know why he admits it.  Any sane human being would deny the question and leave like they were asked to do. They’d leave and forget the whole thing ever happened, allowing both of them to move on with their lives in peace. If Levi wanted to keep everything hidden away then that was his right and Eren should probably respect it.  But he isn’t going to do that.  He doesn’t _want_ to do that. Because all Eren can imagine is Levi sitting alone in his room, adding patches to his morbid collection one by one, all the while slowly adding up his dead friends and comrades while no one knew about it!

No one should have to do that!

“Yes, you do!” he swallows down his fear and moves forward purposefully until his shins smack painfully into the coffee table and a few more pencils fall to the ground.  Eren towers over the Corporal like this, but the older man’s face barely betrays a thing; his gray eyes are calm, despite being a little surprised, but who wouldn’t be surprised that someone was doing something so blatantly idiotic?  Hell, _Eren_ was surprised he was doing something so blatantly idiotic. 

“Did you think you _wouldn’t_?” Eren fires back, budding frustration making him bolder than he probably should be. Anger. That was an emotion he knew. “I would have never guessed you’d do anything like that! How can I not _see_ you differently now that I _know_ differently?”

“Sir!” he adds as an afterthought.

His hands are trembling by the time he finishes his little rant, his whole body tense in anticipation of the beating he’s almost assuredly about to get. And yet, despite the obvious insubordination, the Corporal doesn’t seem as angry as he should be. Oh sure, he’s obviously a little mad, but the set of his body doesn’t scream anger; it screams contemplation.  As though he’s mulling things over, running Eren’s words over in his head, trying to come up with the best response. 

“I thought you’d lie.”

“W-what?”

“Tch… there was really no way in hell you weren’t going to think differently of me, was there?” He shrugs, almost to himself, before pursing his lips together in thought. “But I thought you’d lie about it.”

“I…try not to…”

“ _Hmmm_.”

Eren watches Levi’s face for a sign of what to do next, absentmindedly tracing the curve of his mouth with his gaze, when without warning that odd sense of calm that he’d felt a few minutes prior rises up around him again like a warm breeze. This isn’t the tense staring contest they’d had earlier that morning; the way he looks at Levi really _is_ different and it _feels_ different even though he isn’t sure what that difference is. And the strangest part about it is that as he watches the corner of the older man’s mouth quirk up in a barely-there smile, he realizes that whatever the feeling is…it’s also mutual.   

“Stop smiling like that, it makes you look dumb as shit,” Levi says, breaking the spell with a roll of his eyes. “Go pick up my pencils that you spilled all over the damn floor.”

“I think that was you, Corporal,” Eren replies teasingly, bending down to collect them while trying not to smile anymore at Levi’s answering scowl. He hadn’t even known he’d been doing it!  Maybe it was the simple relief of knowing that they were okay, or maybe it was this curious feeling he had growing in his belly. 

Either way, he feels better. 

“Here you go,” he says, setting them down in a neat little pile on the lapdesk before moving to leave. There’s really no reason to stay, right?  They’re good, right?  Still, was it wrong that maybe he wanted to stay a little longer?  That maybe he was thinking about making another mess just so he’d have to clean it up?  Then again, Levi might get genuinely angry with him for that.  Violating his privacy was nothing compared to a dirty room.

“Oi, Eren.”

The use of his first name in a tone he’s unaccustomed to (soft, almost warm) catches him off guard, and he turns from where he’d been about to go out the door to look over at Levi.  The older man is focused on his paperwork again, his dark eyes downcast, but his hand is outstretched over the couch as though silently inviting Eren to sit with him. Wait?  He was asking Eren to spend time with him?  Eren?!  True, Levi wasn’t saying a word, he wasn’t exactly opening up or telling him anything, but…

He was inviting Eren just to _be_ with him. 

Cautious, like approaching a wild animal, Eren moves to sit on the opposite end of the couch, careful to leave enough room for the Corporal to do his work without interruption or distraction. Levi says nothing; he doesn’t even look in Eren’s direction when he pushes his shoulders into the soft corner of the couch and nestles down to get more comfortable. They just sit together, sharing one another’s company while Levi goes back to work, while neither of them speak and late evening blooms into a clear night that enfolds them in odd companionship.

Hours pass, and before Eren knows it he’s yawning widely, the sound of the wind rustling the autumn leaves and the monotonous scratching of Levi’s pencil against the page lulling him into a pleasant doze.  Most of the lamps had been put out long ago, leaving them in an intimate bubble of light from the last two remaining candles that Levi had set up on the coffee table. There’s nothing to say, really, and he feels no need to make idle chitchat despite still having a million questions. This is enough for now, he thinks, as he rolls onto his side to press his cheek into the arm of the couch and cradle his head in his bent elbow.  

“It _is_ mine, you know.”

“S-sir?” Eren cracks open one eye, barely having realized he’d closed them at all. Levi isn’t looking at him, but he isn’t looking at his paperwork either.  He’s gazing out the nearby window into the night with a sleepy, far away expression, as though he’s watching memories play behind his eyes and is barely in the room with Eren at all. 

Eren can relate…

“The gear,” Levi says so softly that he has to strain to hear him. “It’s mine. Though, I wasn’t a solider in those days.”

“Where?”

“A…friend gave it to me.”

A friend. Levi has friends. Or at least he’d _had_ them at some point. It was so strange to hear the Corporal say that word because Eren was almost certain he’d never heard him use it before. About anyone. As far as Eren could tell, the Corporal didn’t have “friends”. Lance Corporal Levi had comrades and subordinates and soldiers and squadmates…but once upon a time a guy named Levi’d had _friends_. Honestly, Eren doesn’t really want to know what happened to them, because with the way this sick world worked he already has an idea. 

He chooses not to ask about any of that, and when Levi says nothing more on the matter either, Eren gives another tiny yawn and surrenders himself to the murkiness sucking at his consciousness. Blushing into the couch cushion, he quietly matches his breathing to the Corporal’s as the world rushes away from him, his last waking thoughts focusing about how nice this all was as he falls into blissful, dreamless sleep.

“Night, Jaeger”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr in case you want to come visit me and watch me act inappropriately for my age! 
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/


	4. Interlude Levi #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came out of nowhere. I had a day off from work and was stuck inside again (man, has it been snowing alot lately!) and then...this came out. 
> 
> It's Levi! 
> 
> I was pretty surprised considering that i'd planned this story from Eren's perspective, but apparently Levi didn't like his side of the story left out completely soooo. Also, spoilers for "A Choice With No Regrets" in this one! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Loves to you!

He _couldn’t_ fix it.

No matter how many cogs, gears, and shards he managed to find littered around the room, there were always three more missing that he _couldn’t_ find, leaving him unable to stitch the gear back together. He couldn’t make it whole again. Two screws had rolled into a crack in the floorboard, three more were so far under the bed that he couldn’t reach them; he couldn’t put it back together again. 

He couldn’t _fix_ it.

Resignation of that fact settles in his stomach like a stone, and for a long time he sits on his bed staring at it, holding it in his palms and idly rubbing his thumbs over each curve of metal as the memories replayed.  It had been a long time since he’d thought about those days, those places, those people; it had been a long time since he’d _allowed_ himself to recall the faces of friends who had died so long ago that he barely remembered their voices, the visual memory of them fading with each passing year. He’d told himself not to bother with this sort of thing…what possible purpose did it serve to remind yourself of the things you couldn’t get back? Did it kill titans?  Did it serve humanity?  Did it serve any sort of function whatsoever other than to divert his focus away from the goal? 

No, it did not. 

And more than that…even if it had served some kind of purpose he didn’t deserve to do it anyway.    

Still, he couldn’t help but remember how proud Farlan had been to present Levi with the maneuver gear, or the delight on Isabel’s face when she’d stood on a high rooftop and gazed up with wide eyes at the phosphorescent crystals littering the ceiling of the underground district as though they were stars. He recalled the first time he’d flown with it, the stagnant air whipping up around him, becoming alive in his hair and breathing against his face in a way that was absolutely foreign to him.  Levi remembered the strangest, most idiotic thoughts going through his head at the time; it had been the first time he’d really entertained the idea that they could _get away_.  That somehow they could get _up there_. 

Levi just wishes he weren’t up here _alone_. 

God, he’d wanted so much to be _free_.  Free of the cavernous, wretched underground.  Free of the walls. Free of the people that looked down on him. He’d wanted to feel the wind in his hair somewhere that he wasn’t beholden to anyone for anything. Where he could be in control all the time and never have to worry about where his next meal was coming from or where he was going to sleep that night or if he was going to wake up the next morning. 

Funny how he still doesn’t know if he’s going to wake up the next morning, but that was a thought for another time. 

He doesn’t know how long he lays on his bed consumed with his thoughts, but he does know that the brighter the sky outside his window becomes the more he feels as though the bedroom walls are closing in around him, as though he’ll choke on the suddenly heavy air. It’s like he’s underground again, but worse than the suffocating sense of claustrophobia in his throat is an intense feeling of loneliness in his gut. He hates it. He hates how weak and vulnerable it makes him feel. Granted, he’d like to say he hates Eren more, considering this was entirely his fault for breaking into Levi’s room and stirring up things that needn’t be stirred…but he doesn’t and probably won’t and isn’t sure why not.

He has to get _out_. 

There’s barely enough light to see his feet as he makes his way out to the stables, so once inside the building he’s forced to blindly feel his way around in the darkness until he reaches her stall.  “Shh, shh,” he coos when she kicks up on two legs nervously, unlatching the door before reaching up to pat her on the nose a few times until she calms down.

“Let’s go for a run, hmm?” he whispers, jumping up on her bareback when he realizes he doesn’t have the patience to saddle her properly.  It’s only when they’re about a half mile out from the house that he also realizes he doesn’t have his maneuver gear with him.  He doesn’t have his swords.  He doesn’t have anything to defend himself at all.

Now _that_ pisses him off.  

For a moment he almost contemplates going back to get it, but when a stray breeze ruffles through his bangs smelling of budding autumn he turns his face towards it and just _breathes_.  Who gives a shit?  Maybe, just this once, he’ll chance it.

And so he does.  Kicking at his horse’s sides once with his boots, he urges her into a lope and then into a full gallop when she starts to tug at the reins, leaning into her neck to get his minimal weight off her back and give them both more freedom of movement. The scenery becomes a blur around him as they dash down into the nearby forest, the shadows becoming dark and thick where the rising sun hasn’t had a chance to reach yet.  He can feel the horse underneath him, and the exhilarating feeling of simply moving forward becomes an almost overwhelming thing as they jump over logs and splash down into little creeks and clear meadows. Just moving forward, one foot in front of the other, without any reason to look back or think about what you just left behind.

But of course, nothing can last forever, and within minutes they’ve come to the bank of a small river, the horse’s hooves kicking up sand when she skids to a stop.   

The first white rays of sunrise are glittering off the surface of the water as Levi dismounts momentarily to crouch on the shore and get a drink. Dipping both hands down into the current, he blinks at the wavering reflection in his cupped palms for a long moment before bringing it up to his mouth. When did he get so old?  When did everyone around him get so young? And why hadn’t the world changed all the much in the interim? More than that, why was his cravat such a fucking mess? He tries not to think about any of it (especially the cravat) as he swallows down another handful before walking over to his mare and climbing back on.

It takes a goodly bit longer to ride back to the farmhouse than it did to get to the river, which inevitably gives Levi a lot more time to think. Except this time instead of thinking about the past he thinks about Eren instead; he thinks about all the very good reasons he has for beating the living shit out of the kid when he got back. He thinks about every single one of them, drawing them all out in his mind, and yet curiously doesn’t feel the need to act on any of them at all. Because every time he thinks he might want to he remembers the look on Eren’s face back in his quarters.  Sure, there had been fear, but before Eren had known Levi was there he’d seen…a strange sort of startled appreciation. As though it was the most amazing thing in the world that Lance Corporal Levi was a real person and that maybe Eren wouldn’t mind sticking around to find out about it if he wasn’t so terrified.  

In the end all Levi can really think about is how damn weird everything is, and how he’s definitely going to have to do something about it once he figures out what the problem is.

That’s when he sees Eren.

The idiot is practically naked and will most likely catch his death of pneumonia, but with the almost violent way he’s scrubbing his socks Levi can only venture a guess that he doesn’t really care. In truth, Levi is kind of glad that the kid is washing his uniform, because he was really starting to smell like shit.  Didn’t kids these days wash their clothes on a regular basis or was it just Levi being picky about it? Surely they all knew that they smelled?  Who would want to smell like filth? 

Either way, he was glad Eren wasn’t going to smell like the inside of the barracks anymore.

He looks away just before Eren turns, trying his best to avoid the young man’s visual scrutiny for as long as he can.  It’s only after he finally dismounts and the feeling of Eren’s eyes boring down into him is becoming uncomfortable that he finally glances up and lets their gazes meet.

And promptly wishes he hadn’t.

Levi is not a young man anymore, and so when a very out of the ordinary, yet very recognizable feeling tingles up his spine he doesn’t have to wonder what it is. All he has to do is wonder what kind of sick bastard he is and how the hell he was going to make the feeling go away.  Because in the blink of an eye, in one startling second, that lingering loneliness that had been plaguing him since last night is gone. It’s lost in Eren’s wide eyes that give away everything he’s thinking and in his ridiculously agape mouth that he probably doesn’t even know is hanging open like a dipshit. It’s gone and Levi is actually pretty grateful for that, but at the same time all he wants to do is go back to his room and hide because…Eren wants in and Levi isn’t ready for that. It’s been a lifetime since he let anyone get close to him and he’s just not sure he knows how anymore, especially with someone so young.  He’s not really even sure he _wants_ to know how since the world always seemed to take perverse pleasure in stealing everything that he cared about.

But he knows Eren wants in now; the desire is right there, written all over his damn face.     

Levi doesn’t have a contingency plan for that; hell, he doesn’t really make plans at all because that’s Erwin’s department and Levi has liked it that way for quite a while. 

Desperate to break the tension growing between them, he reaches up and nervously rearranges the folds of his cravat (it’s a fucking mess) before pushing his mare in front of himself so he doesn’t have to be subjected to Eren’s eyes and mouth and face and stupid half-naked body anymore. 

What the hell is he going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, if you'd like to come be my pal, my tumblr is: 
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! 
> 
> Well, it looks like Thursday is going to be update day for this fic since my work schedule won't allow for much else! 
> 
> This chapter was a BEAR to write, despite it coming out relatively nice in the end. It's sort of just a connection chapter to move the plot, but I still wanted there to be some character development and I just...well...
> 
> I hope you like it anyway!
> 
> Oh and yay...I have written a story over 10k! You have NO idea how long it's been since I did that! I'm actually super excited and happy about it. :D

“Why are you walking funny?” Jean asks, exchanging a conspiratorial glance with Connie before blowing a long plume of steam off the top of his coffee-cup.

Rolling his eyes, Eren sits awkwardly in the first chair he gets to upon reaching the kitchen table, letting out a relieved sigh once he finds a comfortable enough position to relax in.

His back is _killing_ him.

“He didn’t break my legs, horseface,” he hisses, contemplating whether or not a cup of coffee is worth the agony of moving three centimeters.

He’d woken an hour before still in the parlor, every limb strewn about at haphazard angles while his head hung half-on and half-off the couch cushions. The candles had melted away to nubs, and Levi’s belongings were neatly collected inside the lapdesk and set aside next to a tall stack of finished paperwork. The man himself had been long gone; Eren would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t a little disappointed that the Corporal hadn’t bothered to wake him up and send him to bed properly.   

“I just…slept in a bad position,” he says, reaching around to rub the small of his back with a wince.  

Jean leans forward and points accusingly. “You haven’t even _been_ to bed in two days. Did he beat you that bad?”

“No!” Sitting up quickly makes his muscles spasm, a shooting pain rushing up his spine that makes him curl in on himself. “Corporal Levi wouldn’t do that!” The words pour out of his mouth without him meaning them to or really understanding his own motivations; jumping to Levi’s defense is oddly instinctual, and since Eren has grown to trust his instincts most of the time he just sort of goes with it.  

“The hell I _wouldn’t_.”

Levi glowers at him from the kitchen entryway, perfectly groomed and surly as he leans his elbow casually on the doorframe. Eren shrinks down in his seat against that annoyed glare, ignoring his aching back in exchange for becoming as small a target as possible in case the Corporal actually did decide to beat him right there in front of everyone. It would probably serve him right, but he’d been on the receiving end of Levi’s boot before and it really wasn’t an experience he’d like to repeat. 

“In fact,” Levi stalks into the room with a single-minded determination, passing by Eren’s chair (thank god) in favor of stopping at Jean’s to lean in until their faces are only inches apart. “I’ll beat the living shit out of _anyone_ who does so much as _think_ about breakingintomy room _ever_ again.”    

Rising back up to his full height, he squares his shoulders and glances at each of them in turn, calmly moving to sit down at his normal place at the head of the table when he’s satisfied with what he sees. 

“Are we clear?” 

Everyone nods quietly and Levi gets his breakfast, taking the first few sips of coffee in silence before clearing his throat to get their attention again.  “I’m going to be away for a day or two, so you brats are going to have to fend for yourselves until I get back. I trust you’ll be able to put food in your mouths without my being there to spoon feed you?”

“Where are you going, sir?” Eren blurts out, suddenly curious. Levi hadn’t mentioned going anywhere the night before, though that wasn’t entirely surprising.  It wasn’t as though he was obligated to tell his subordinates anything, even if Eren did feel a little more privileged as far as the Corporal’s attentions went.

Levi raises an eyebrow and bites down into a piece of toast, idly licking some stray crumbs from his lips with the tip of his tongue in a way that has Eren fidgeting in his chair. This was humiliating! He’d been fine around Levi for months without so much as a wayward thought about him other than the occasional bout of admiration. So, why now? Why couldn’t he control this sudden attraction? That’s what this was, right? Warmth rises up on his cheeks and he turns away before the Corporal can notice, but it doesn’t stop his mind from wandering into new and unfamiliar territory.

He’d thought that being attracted to someone was supposed to be pleasant! This wasn’t pleasant at all!  And if that knowing smirk on Armin’s face was any indication, it was going to be whole lot _more_ unpleasant once the teasing started. It wasn’t Eren’s fault!  He hadn’t meant to! Well, he _had_ meant to break into the Corporal’s room, but this had _not_ been the intended result! He’d only wanted to know more about him on a superficial level, not know more about him with the intention of becoming…close…

“I think ‘we’ would be more appropriate,” Levi says at last, resting his arm on the back of his chair.  

“Sir?”

“You’re still my responsibility, so you’re coming along. Unless you want to stay here and clean shit out of the coops.  Pack your stuff and meet me outside in a half hour.”

***** ***** ***** *****

Forty-five minutes later Eren is still trying to get comfortable in his saddle as he rides his gelding in nervous circles around the yard, not knowing where the hell they were going or when Levi was going to show up. A soft breeze rustles his hair around his forehead as he nudges the horse into a slow trot, warming it up for whatever sort of journey they were about to take while trying desperately not to think about the fact that he and Levi were about to be very, very alone. The other man could stay in the house forever for all Eren cared, because the thought of such an awkward situation makes him want to go crawl into a hole and never come out.

Then again, he couldn’t deny the strange sense of anticipation welling up in his belly at the thought of being Levi’s primary focus for at least the next two days. Sure, they apparently had some sort of job to do, but while doing that job there was going to be no one else around and that was…kind of exciting. Would Levi talk to him more this time, or would they spend the majority of the journey in silence like they had the previous night?

Though…Levi hadn’t been entirely silent, had he?

He’d mentioned _friends_. 

Eren wanted to know more about the people who had once held such a prized place in the Corporal’s life.  What kind of people had they been?  Were they like Levi, quiet and reserved, or had they been his polar opposite, people who could draw him out of his shell? What kinds of things had they done together?  Had they all been thugs like Levi was? It was still strange to imagine Lance Corporal Levi as anything other than the perfect soldier; picturing him as a criminal was still something Eren had a hard time wrapping his head around. 

What had changed to make him the man he was today? 

“You’re looking pretty vacant there, Jaeger,” Levi’s voice comes without warning, and Eren barely has time to glance over before the other man is riding past him across the field. “Hurry up!” he calls over his shoulder, and Eren rides forward to catch up and match the Corporal’s speed as quickly as he can. 

Once they’re side by side Eren feels more like he can relax, though with the pace Levi has set he doesn’t think they’ll be able to do much talking. “Where are we going, sir?” he asks once again, hoping Levi will be more inclined to answer now that they’re alone and actually on their way. However, he isn’t surprised when he receives nothing other than a raised eyebrow, and they ride along through the fields for a good half an hour before the forest looms large in the distance and Levi slows his horse to a walk.

“We’re meeting Erwin over there,” he motions with a long finger to some far off point past the trees, “through the forest and around the curve of the river. He’s on his way to a quadrant nearby and I told him I’d meet him there to save time.”

“What for?”

“Hell if I know, he just sent word for me to meet him there tomorrow morning.” Levi shrugs and urges them into a canter. “Look, at this point I’ve learned not to fight this sort of thing. He’s eventually just going to manipulate me into doing whatever he wants anyway, so why bother?”

By the time he realizes that Levi has just made something of a small joke the other man is already moving out in front, trotting through the grass at an ever-quickening pace that Eren finds a little hard to keep up with. It’s not surprising that Levi rides well, he thinks; the Corporal is light and small and reflexively sits up high on his saddle, giving a very embarrassing (read: nice) view of an ass that just days before Eren probably wouldn’t have noticed.  Now he was never not going to notice again. _Ever_. Because now that he really _looked_ he couldn’t help but notice that Levi rode like he was attached to the horse, like they were one graceful, lithe unit. It was the same way the Corporal moved in his 3-D gear, as though it was an extension of his body and not a machine. 

“Keep up! Where the hell did you learn to ride?” Levi glares back over his shoulder before falling in side by side with Eren, his dark eyes narrowed even more so than usual as he looks him over as though appraising his performance. 

Shifting a bit under the scrutiny, Eren is about to answer that he’d mostly taught himself when the Corporal darts in unexpectedly, smacking his lower back with enough force that it stings. Holy shit! The action draws a high yelp of surprise from his lips before he can catch it, his back arching as his eyes fly open wide and his jaw drops.

“S-sir!”

“Sit high! Spine straight! Chin up! You laze back so heavily on the saddle, it’s no wonder your horse doesn’t know what you want.”

As if to illustrate the point, Levi shifts his hips and levels his back into a smooth line, once more looking as though he and his mare are a single entity moving together. Only then, as Levi’s eyebrow aches as though to question whether he’s been understood, does Eren notices the subtle difference between Levi’s carriage and his own.  Posture perfect, the Corporal’s shoulders are square and strong, yet still relaxed and natural; Eren sits further back, more rigid and inflexible, allowing the horse to jostle him around rather than moving together for maximum results. 

“You see.”  

It’s a statement, not a question, and Eren nods and situates himself until he thinks he’s mimicking Levi’s stance. “Yeah.”

“Show me.”

And with that Levi is off, sparing only one challenging glance back before riding across the field at a breakneck speed, quickly leaving Eren behind to blink uselessly. Was the Corporal being…playful?!  Eren doesn’t have time to think about it as he urges his gelding into a run, already well behind and willing to allow the horse more freedom to gallop in an effort to make up the distance.

Because if it was a race that Levi wanted, Eren was more than willing to give him one.

Or at least it _would_ be if Levi weren’t too busy darting and all over the damn place! One minute he’s barreling headfirst in Eren’s direction in a game of equestrial chicken, and the next he’s pulling back hard on the reins to sprint off into the distance at the last second! Eren tries his best to keep up, smiling despite himself as he watches Levi make what are essentially glorified figure eights while still maintaining the lead in their unspoken competition. Leaning forward in the saddle, Eren remembers the pictures he’d seen years ago about the proper way to ride a horse, trying to imagine himself in the same position as the scenery blurs by in a flurry of color and furious hooves.

“Stop thinking so much and ride!” Levi calls when Eren has gotten close enough to the mare’s hindquarters to be within shouting distance again.

“I am riding!”

Slowing down so he can speak more easily, Levi shakes his head and takes a moment to tuck his cravat back into his jacket so it doesn’t blow around so much in the breeze. “No, you’re _thinking_ about riding. There’s a difference. Don’t worry so much about it. Just let your bodies build up a rhythm together. It’s a little like--”

Levi cuts himself off at the last second, glancing away with what Eren is almost sure is an embarrassed expression. Curious, he guides his horse so that he’s slightly ahead of the Corporal’s mare and tries to block her in an effort to slow them both down. 

“What? Like what, sir?”

“ _Nothing_.”

“But, what--”

“Slow down, Eren, we’re almost to the trees.”

Pulling back on the reins, Eren stares blankly into the forest, his mind still preoccupied with what the Corporal had just been saying.  Building up a rhythm like what? He’d heard his instructors back in training camp say things like that in regards to the 3-D gear, but he didn’t think that’s what Levi was getting at. Why would he be embarrassed over the maneuver gear, anyway?  No, it was definitely something else, but Eren wasn’t exactly sure what…

And then it _hits_ him like a ton of bricks, and he blushes so hotly that he thinks he might spontaneously combust.

“--so stay within eyesight of me at all times while we’re in there in case any titans show up.  I don’t think we’ll attract their attention if there are any, but I want you close just in case and--Jaeger, are you even listening to me? What’s wrong with your face?”

“You didn’t mean the 3-D gear, did you sir?”

“Huh?”

“You know,” Eren says, awkwardly reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, “about bodies moving in a rhythm and…stuff…” God, he felt like an idiot! What was he even doing?  If Levi didn’t want to talk about anything like _that_ around Eren than there was probably a reason for it!  But then again, Eren was grown, wasn’t he?  He was old enough to be in the Survey Corps! He was old enough to kill titans, right? By god, he _was_ a titan!  Well then, he could talk about sex all he wanted to with anyone he wanted to even if he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about! 

And if the look on Levi’s face is any indication, Eren _clearly_ does not know what the hell he’s talking about.  “If you _must_ know, I was going to say that it’s a little like _fucking_ , but then I thought better of it. Want to know why, Eren?”

“Um…why?”

The fingers that reach into his hair to yank him forward are not gentle, and Eren is worried that he might finally be getting that beating he deserves when…everything stops. Levi stops. His breathing stops. Every bodily function stops. The world itself seems to come to a grinding halt as Levi’s eyes go oddly dark and Eren’s head grows fuzzy in response.

Levi…

The older man has brought their faces within a gasp of touching, but surprisingly there isn’t anger in his eyes anymore. Truthfully, Eren doesn’t have the experience to really know _what_ he’s looking at, but he does know that whatever it is sets off a strange reaction in his stomach that eddies around and makes his abdomen clench up. Levi’s breath is ever so soft against his cheeks and the clean smell of him is almost overpowering; Eren can make out every pale freckle and line on his face. And with a sudden clarity Eren realizes that he could _lean_ _in_ if he wanted to, that he could potentially bridge the distance between them and press their lips together if he wanted to. All he had to do was work up the courage to risk his physical safety and cross those few precious inches.

He could do it.  

But he doesn’t get the opportunity.

“I thought better of it,” Levi says abruptly, his eyes widening as he jerks back to look away, leaving Eren dumbstruck by what he swears is a dusting of pink on the Corporal’s cheeks. “Because I figured you were a dumb kid who didn’t know the first about sex and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to give you the goddamn talk.”

“Corporal Le--”

“And obviously I made the right call.” Levi kicks at the sides of his mare with his heels and starts into the forest, giving Eren his back even as his voice returns to normal seemingly without effort. Eren is still relearning how to _breathe_. “You _are_ a dumb kid, but maybe if you’re lucky I’ll talk _Erwin_ into giving you the talk when we see him. Now, come on.”

Eren nods mutely, swallowing back down his internal organs before running a shaky hand over his face in an effort to wipe away the lingering anticipation still buzzing through his limbs. It doesn’t work worth a shit, and as he shifts around in his suddenly _very_ uncomfortable saddle, he comes to the conclusion that this whole attraction thing was definitely turning out to be one of the most unpleasant things he’d ever experienced. 

Or maybe it was the object of his attraction.

Either way it _sucked_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit me and we'll oogle pervy pictures of Levi together at: 
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked so hard on this chapter, you guys. I really hope you like it. :D

Eren doesn't like the forest anymore. 

Before the wall had fallen, back when he and Armin had looked over old books and wondered what it would be like to see the world, the forest had seemed like a magical place full of mystery.  Eren had imagined himself having adventures in the tall trees, climbing through the branches until he reached the tippy tops of the leaves where he could see over the canopy and into the great beyond.  He’d wondered what a place like that would smell like and sound like; what kinds of wild things roamed about unfettered in the dark, rambling places?

He doesn't like it anymore.

Because every time he's inside one, no matter whether it was similar or not, he always thought of _them_.  He saw their blood splattered in the grass, smeared on the bark, dripping from the flowers and soaked up by the dirt until the earth itself was tinged auburn.  Eren didn’t see the beauty of the forest anymore because Petra and the others wouldn’t let him, because his guilt wouldn’t let him.  He didn’t deserve to, and he would hold onto the responsibility of their deaths as a reminder to make his decisions more carefully in the future. Because despite the fact that he wasn’t the one that actually murdered them and despite the fact that even Levi didn’t seem to resent him when he had ever right to do so...Eren resented himself. 

“I told you it wasn’t your fault.” The tone of the older man’s voice is soft, but it cuts through Eren’s thoughts and catches his attention.  “Why don’t you listen?”

At some point Levi has fallen back until the sides of their horses almost touch as they move unhurriedly through the trees.  They can’t gallop in thick underbrush like this, and the pace makes it easy to talk to one another even though Eren isn’t necessarily sure he has the heart for it anymore. All his earlier excitement has faded into the back of his mind, and he stares ahead through the window of his horse’s ears without much enthusiasm. 

Closing his eyes to collect himself before looking over, the heat rises up on his cheeks a little as their gazes lock and hold. “How’d you know?”

“You wear your emotions all over your face,” Levi says, reaching up to trail his hand through the low hanging branches before plucking a twig between his fingers.  Twirling it back and forth, his eyebrows knit together as though he’s trying to choose his words carefully, as though what he wants to say isn’t the same as what he should say and the truth is somewhere in between.

“And regret is an emotion I’d know anywhere.”

The forest opens up into a small clearing, and Levi takes the lead again as they accelerate to a trot. Here, where the view is unobstructed, Eren can see the sun approaching midday, high and bright in the deep autumn sky with only the barest wisp of clouds floating across its surface. Tall daisies whisper at the tips of his boots as the horses cut through the field, their long stems towering above the ocean of cornflowers littering the ground and swaying in the breeze. The world is gloriously alive around them, a cacophony of calling birds and crackling branches and the faintest hint of water trickling from some stream in the distance.

Eren takes a deep breath of it, holding the air in for a long moment just to feel his lungs expand before slowly letting it out through his nose, all the while not knowing what to say or how to say it. But he wants to say something. He wants to ask what happened to burden the shoulders of Humanity’s Strongest and what choices he’d made in the past to weigh him down so much. In truth, it isn’t that Eren wants to know the circumstances so much as alleviate them, to say something that will ease the regret somehow even though he knows he’s probably woefully inadequate for the job.

But, then…has there ever been anything anyone could say to Eren?  Have there ever been enough words to assuage his anger and sadness and guilt? 

No, and there probably never would be.

“Tell me about yourself.”

Blinking to adjust his vision as they reenter the canopy of the forest, Eren isn’t sure he’s heard right until the question is repeated more loudly. The Corporal wants to know about him?  What was there to tell? Puzzled, he shakes his head and shrugs even though Levi is still in front of him and can’t see it. “I’m not sure what you mean, sir. What do you want to know?”

“I thought the question was pretty self-explanatory,” Levi says, shifting his hips before absently rubbing at his leg. “You’ve been on my squad for months and I don’t know any more about you than when we first met.”

“There’s really nothing to me. I mean, you don’t want to know that, do--”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.” He stands up slightly in his saddle to turn, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Tit for tat, Jaeger.”

What’s that supposed to mean, he thinks, scratching the back of his head before what is being implied slowly begins to sink in.  After his little bit of breaking an entering, Eren knows more about Levi than Levi does about him! Their relationship (such as it is) has become unbalanced and apparently they need to reset the scales. But what to say? I was born? His life is a mess and has been for a long time; it wasn’t exactly the stuff of legend or something people told around campfires or anything.

In truth, sometimes Eren forgets that there was life before Wall Maria, and it produces a wistful nostalgia inside him to picture those days without the negativity that came with them. Still, if Levi wants to know than it was only fair to tell him, even if it isn’t exactly easy to pick at the old wounds like this. So, with a deep breath, Eren lets out whatever stupid shit happens to come to his mind first. He tells Levi about what a brat he’d been and how he’s still surprised that his mother hadn’t throw him out onto the street after all the times he’d shirked his chores or run off without telling her. He talks about Armin and the first time they’d met and all the books they’d read aloud while Eren looked at the pictures and bit his lip in excitement. He recalls the smell of clean laundry blowing in the breeze and the way songbirds would sit in long rows on the clothesline to sing, only to scatter away into the sky when Eren jumped up to grab at them.

He’d had a life once; and despite his memory being murky and unreliable, he knows those things were real by the tightness they produce in his chest.

As Eren continues to ramble on and the day wanes, Levi begins making small noises of encouragement, even going so far as to ask an impersonal questions here and there to keep the conversation flowing as he moves their horses back to being side by side. The unexpected attention spurs Eren on, makes him dig a little deeper, to say things that were more personal.  How he’d met Mikasa and what he’d done there. The last time he’d seen his father and the strange memories that were like ghosts appearing and disappearing at the most inopportune times. He tells Levi anything he can think of, all the while astounded that the older man is actually listening to him and seems genuinely interested in what Eren has to say. True, Levi didn’t really add anything particularly earth shattering to the discussion, but Eren doesn’t care because that wasn’t really the point.

They were _talking_.     

So he opens up even more, allowing himself to smile and laugh and feel a strange sense of companionship that he’d never felt with anyone besides Armin.  Except this was different in a way that Eren couldn’t explain; it wasn’t better or worse, the feeling was simply fresh and relaxed all at the same time. Levi’s quiet voice and subtle eyes weren’t the same as Armin’s eloquent explanations and wild imaginings, but it made Eren feel content and safe all the same. It was insane how unreasonably secure he felt riding through the darkening forest, not knowing when a titan could get the jump on them or what was around the next corner.

And the strangest part of all was that for the first time in forever Eren didn’t know how much he really cared about the danger because…they were together. 

“Is that it?” Levi says, leaning in slightly as if to emphasis his question.

“W-what?”

“Surely you have more to you than one afternoon’s worth.”

It’s only then that Eren looks around and realizes that the day is nearly gone, the sky graying as long shadows rise up all around them, filling the empty spaces between the trees and falling in long ribbons across Levi’s face.  Where has the time gone?  Not only that, but Eren can see the edge of the trees in the distance, their journey nearly completed without him even knowing it. He couldn’t remember the last time the hours had gone by so pleasantly, and it makes him wish he could thank Levi for it so even though the older man would probably look at him like he was a lunatic.

“I’m,” he purses his lips and shrugs, “saving some for the return trip?”

“Tch!” Pulling back on the reins, Levi brings his mare to a stop a few hundred yards from the border of the forest, looking around and evaluating the situation.  “We’ll make camp here for the night. The brush is dense enough that most titans would be tripped up in it. Dismount and get a fire going.”

They make camp quickly in the last of the daylight, Eren unpacking their things and building a fire while the Corporal wandered off into the woods to kill something for them to eat. It doesn’t take long before Eren hears the other man crashing through the brush as he returns with a large rabbit that he throws down unceremoniously in front of him. 

“Gut that and get it on the spit. I’m hungry.”

“Why do I have to do it?!” Eren complains, lifting the dead animal up to assess it from all angles, taking note of how clean the shot had been that killed it. It was large with quite a bit of meat, more than enough to feed them both with the bread they already had packed away. “It’s messy!”

“Exactly. Get busy.”

Once the shock of Levi making even a small joke wears off, Eren gets out his knife and makes quick work of the rabbit, managing to wrangle it onto the spit before the Corporal got any crankier from lack of sustenance.  An hour later they’re perched beside the warmth of the fire, boots kicked off and sitting next to one another with their packs behind them to lean on, contentedly tearing apart what had actually turned into a somewhat tasty meal. There wasn’t much in the way of conversation, their focus mainly on their food now other than the occasional bout of Levi bitching about how he hated eating with his fingers and the minute slurping of Eren licking his own. 

Still, it was so peaceful that Eren really didn’t want to be anywhere else for once. He was just fine sitting here with the sounds of crickets all around him, the brisk autumn air kept at bay by a rolling fire, his sleeping gear cozy underneath him, and Corporal Levi next to him saying nothing at all.   

“So, what about you, sir?” he asks without thinking, the atmosphere making him bold as he wipes his plate and sets it to the side before taking Levi’s to do the same. “What were your friends like?” 

Levi looks a little taken aback at the question, blinking widened eyes before reaching down to grab his water with a huff. For a moment Eren thinks he isn’t going to answer at all, or that when he does it’s going to be to tell him to shut the hell up and mind his own business. It wasn’t as though he owed Eren anything, but that didn’t stop him from hoping that this afternoon had given them a level of friendship where he could ask something like that without it coming across as nosy. 

Bringing the metal cup up to his lips, Levi takes a long drink before speaking over the rim so that his voice comes across as slightly hollowed out. “Why would you want to know that kind of useless shit?”

The words remind Eren of what he’d said earlier and so he responds in kind. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.” He smiles, crossing his legs and turning his entire body so he’s facing Levi before moving to rest his elbows on his knees and lounge against his hands.

“Don’t get cheeky.”

“I’m just saying, sir.” 

Now that he’s paying more attention, Eren can clearly see the war going on in Levi’s face, the battle of how much he’s going to say or whether he’s going to say it apparent in his dark eyes. Smiling in what he hopes is an encouraging way, Eren leans in a little and is pleasantly surprised when the other man doesn’t pull away or even acknowledge that Eren has gotten closer at all. 

“Isabel was…a lot like you, actually,” Levi says at last, his voice unusually gentle as he gives an almost shy smile before nestling against his pack.  “Which I’m sure is probably the reason I tolerate your bullshit as much as I do.”

“Like _me_? Really?”

“Mmhmm.”

Looking down to the ground, Eren can’t keep the blush from his cheeks as he reaches up to run his hand through his hair while Levi continues without being prompted. 

“And Farlan was, well, a lot like Erwin actually. Except not such a pushy bastard. Erwin can be a real pushy bastard sometimes.”

That one particular statement piques Eren’s interest, prompting him to bite his lip as he weights the options of whether or not he should tell the Corporal what he’d heard in the barracks. There’d been rumors going around for years that not only were the Corporal and the Commander good friends, but that they were “good friends” as well. There had even been talk of who was bottoming in their relationship from time to time, with most of the money being on Commander Smith despite the height differences. Eren had never really given it much thought, but now that the opportunity presented itself he kind of wanted to know. 

“Speaking of Commander Smith, sir” he starts, wondering what the chances were of him being punched in the face for asking and trying to think of the best way to put this so as to not rile Levi up too much, “I’ve heard that you two were…you know.”

“We were what?” Levi looks really, really confused, cocking his head to the side as Eren rolls his eyes. “What are you getting at?”

“That you two were…well, _you know_.” He makes a crude gesture with his hands before letting them fall uselessly into his lap when the other man stays silent. Why did he ask that?! He was probably going to get up and kick Eren in the face for even suggesting-- 

And that’s when the laughter starts.

It begins as soft puffs of air you could almost mistake for crying before quickly escalating into genuine, rolling laughter. Eren looks up, mouth agape with amazement at the happy crinkles of Levi's eyes as he laughs until his whole body is shaking with the force of it. It’s almost awkward sounding, clearly the laughter of a man who hasn’t done so in years and isn’t quite sure how anymore, each chuckle a little uncertain of itself.  The bright sound stirs Eren’s belly as Levi bends forward at the waist to gasp for breath, his amusement finally breaking apart to fade away as thought it never was.

“Is that what they’re saying?” Levi manages to get out at last, laughing again when Eren nods.  “No, no no, Eren.  He’s…not my type.”

A type?  Levi has a type?  Levi has a type!  Eren tilts his head back and tries to imagine what that type actually is while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact that he wishes he were whatever that type was. He’s never wanted to be someone's type before, but the thought of being Levi’s type actually makes him think it would be very special.  Hadn’t Levi said that Eren reminded him of his friend?  Maybe Isabel had been Levi’s type?  What kind of person would the Corporal’s type be, anyway? Clearly not the Commander if Levi’s reaction was anything to go by, but Eren wasn’t anything like the Commander so maybe… 

He blurts it out before he can stop himself. “So, what is your type?”

Levi sits up, the motion bringing them close enough to see how his face is smoother and calmer than normal, the usual tension eased. It makes him seem younger, happier, and Eren has to stop himself from reaching out to touch his cheek, inwardly shocked at how badly he wants to do it. His hands practically itch with the need. “Now, that is none of your business, brat.  I mean, what’s _your_ type?”

Eren is trying to come up with something to say when Levi interrupts him with a teasing smile that has his insides swirling and his heart beating just a little faster than it had been. “Wait, wait, don’t tell me.  Killing titans.  Killing titans is your type.”

“No!” Eren blushes. “I have--” Another interruption comes, grinding on Eren’s nerves and igniting his temper.

“You probably don’t even have one. I bet you don’t even know when you’re turned on, do you?”

“I do too!” Angry, Eren presses in, not even paying attention to the fact that Levi doesn’t pull back or that he’s essentially smarting off to his superior officer.

“Really.” Levi’s voice is quiet now, almost intimate, and it’s then that Eren notices the other man’s breath on his cheeks again. They’re that close. Again. It’s just like before, from earlier, and the feeling startles him and makes him shift uncomfortably.

“When’s the last time you were turned on then?”

There is only one true answer for that, and despite the fact that the answer to that question is wrong on more levels than Eren can count, was of very questionable morality and could very likely get him in serious trouble…he wants to say it anyway. He wants to say it because Eren prefers to tell the truth and the truth is right there and in front of him and he’s never been particularly good at censoring himself even when he should. 

So why start…

“ _Now_.”

Levi freezes.  Eren freezes.  Everything freezes.  Again.

But not for long, because Eren isn’t going to let it end that way this time! He might not have had much experience with this sort of thing, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t see the way Levi’s breathing had sped up or the way his dark eyes were darting down to Eren’s lips over and over again. It didn’t mean he couldn’t feel the unbearable tension between them tightening like a wire with every passing second the longer they stared at each other. He might not have had the right words to describe it, but he knew what this was!

So, praying to whatever god would listen that he wasn’t screwing up his life forever, Eren bridges those last few inches to shyly press his lips to the corner of Levi’s mouth, only working up the courage to turn it into a full kiss when he isn’t immediately shoved away. And for once in his life, Eren feels like the catalyst, like he’s the one in control of his fate and destiny. Because with one amazing act Levi turns his whole world upside down; where once it felt as though he were frozen in place, it now feels like Eren is molten and liquid, as though the sensation of Levi’s mouth sliding ever-so-slightly against his own has ignited every limb in his body in a way that he’s never even bothered to imagine before.

It feels…so right and so good and surely there was a better word for good than good? It didn’t matter. Nothing matters right now but kissing Levi. Nothing matters but the clean smell of him filling Eren’s nose and the delicious sighs drifting between their lips that manage to be sweet and sexy simultaneously. It doesn't matter because if this was what Eren had been missing all these years than he was a straight up idiot. Then again, he can't really imagine wanting to do this with anyone but Levi, so it probably wouldn’t have felt like this back then anyway and…maybe Levi is his only type? Maybe Eren is Levisexual?  Did it matter?  It doesn't matter.

Levi matters.

Physically aching to get closer to his body while still wanting to be subtle, Eren reaches up a trembling hand to cup Levi’s face, brushing the pad of his thumb along his strong jawline and inwardly cheering when he tilts his head just so into the caress. Emboldened, Eren dances those same fingertips up into the soft hairs at the base of his undercut, delighting in how baby fine they are and at the way touching them sends a shiver running through Levi’s body that’s so strong Eren can feel it in his lips.

“ _Levi_.”

It’s the impassioned murmur of his name that seems to break the spell, that sends the Corporal jumping back, his eyes wide and scared. He shakes his head slowly at first, but with growing intensity as he scrambles up gracelessly, not even bothering to brush off his pants when he accidentally skids through a patch of dirt on his way to his feet. “No, Eren,” he whispers, licking at his bottom lip while still shaking his head as he takes a few backwards steps. Visibly attempting to pull himself together, he tries to square his shoulders even though there’s a tremor in his body so noticeable that it makes Eren wish he could hold him tight and make it go away.

“Go to sleep. That’s an order.”

“But--!”

What had happened?!  Everything was fine! What went wrong?!  Without warning, guilt bubbles up to gnaw at his gut, the thousand things he could’ve just done wrong racing around in his mind. Eren shouldn’t have done this; Levi deserved better.

“No, Eren!” Taking an unsteady breath, he stalks away without even stopping to pick up his boots. 

“Levi!” Eren calls after him, his breath catching when the Corporal pauses to cast a regretful glance over his shoulder before disappearing fully into the shadows. And as the night rushes in to fill the void he leaves behind, Eren draws his knees up to his chest and rests his forehead against them, keenly aware of just how alone he feels when the fire’s glow flickers up to illuminate the spot where Levi has just been.  

Levi…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's fangirl/boy together at: 
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com


	7. Interlude Levi #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! Apologies in advance for this not moving the plot much. I, sadly, worked a lot of extra hours at my job and consequently didn't have much time for writing. So here it is, a present for you on my birthday! 
> 
> Enjoy this little Levi sidetrack.

“ _Levi_!”

The call of his name is like a siren song, compelling Levi to second guess himself and look back at the mess he’s leaving behind. Eren has never said his name before tonight, and the way those two syllables tumble off his lips makes Levi’s abdomen tense up in a way he’d almost describe as pain if he didn’t like it so much. He likes it so much that he doesn’t even remember to correct Eren for using it, to demand he use Levi’s proper title, to keep their relationship professional and categorized.

Not that they’re actually going to be able do that at this point; things are never going to be the same and Levi damn well knows it.

Fighting every instinct screaming at him to go back and crawl into Eren’s arms, to ease his worries with lips and teeth and tongue, Levi takes a deep breath and walks away into the trees. He instantly regrets it as the bramble and briar rise up to scratch at his bare feet, and before he’s even gone a hundred yards he’s cursing Eren, the Survey Corps, Erwin for getting him into the Survey Corps, every titan that had ever existed and his own mother. 

But mostly he’s cursing himself. 

Because no matter how much Levi would have liked to deny it, to say that his reaction was simply the byproduct of prolonged celibacy and that it could have happened with anyone was a blatant lie. It was Eren. It was just _him_. It was the way he’d opened up like they were old friends and the way his barriers had melted away into the kind of smiles and laughter that made Levi want join in.  It was the easy companionship of his presence, the sort of thing that Levi hadn’t felt in so long that the sensation was frightening rather than comforting. It was the way his eyes darkened to a startling jade when he was turned on and the way he’d kissed Levi as though doing so were some kind of goddamned privilege.

“Goddamn it,” he stumbles in a tangle of branches, barely catching himself on the trunk of a nearby tree before slumping down to sit against it.   

All of this was Levi’s fault; he was entirely to blame.  He should have stopped the conversation when it had veered into dangerous territory, should have changed the topic or simply gone to bed and ended the discussion altogether. But he hadn’t. He’d gone along with it, too drunk on emotional release and Eren’s sweet attentions to bother with something like his conscience. But it had been so long! It seemed like forever since he’d felt comfortable enough with anyone to relax and laugh and forget about being “Humanity’s Strongest” for a while. Even Erwin, whom he’d known longer than anyone, wasn’t allowed that kind of intimacy because Levi simply wouldn’t consent to it. 

Levi had his walls and he’d locked them tight, because the last time anyone had gotten behind them he’d lost absolutely everything and would rather face down a hundred titans single-handedly than experience that kind of guilt and loneliness ever again.

And what of Eren?  The kid was so young and already had the burden of being humanity’s last hope for survival on his shoulders; he didn’t need the added responsibility (because that’s really what it was) of Levi’s affection along with everything else. He deserved better than some jaded, unpleasant, short-tempered man more than twice his age. Someday this war was going to be over, and by that point Eren would have earned the right to settle down and be happy with someone who could actually give him everything he wanted.

Levi had nothing to offer but death and regret... 

Leaning his head back against the tree, he blinks as a beam of moonlight shines down across his eyes, his walk having brought him so close to the edge of the forest that he’s easily able to see into the distance. There’s a herd of small deer far out on the plain, their graceful necks the only part of their bodies visible above weeds that sway and dance on the breeze. It’s strange…for once the outside world is calm whilst his inner one is in turmoil.

He can’t believe how easily Eren did this to him.

Reaching up without thinking, Levi shuts his eyes and drags the pad of his thumb slowly across his lips, trying desperately to convince himself that they weren’t still tingling. The sensory memory of Eren’s mouth is vivid, and Levi wishes he could make it go away so he could get back to camp and hide in his sleeping bag forever. But it doesn’t work. His skin is alive with phantom touches; it’s like Eren is kissing and touching him all over again, like his trembling fingers are brushing shyly against Levi’s cheek and jaw. Eren had clearly been clueless about what he was doing, but his inexperience mustn’t have mattered because even thinking about it gets Levi so…

“Idiot,” he murmurs, hissing softly when his arousal throbs painfully between his legs. God, he really was a sick bastard!  Here he is, cowering in the middle of a forest after having kissed a fifteen year old, and instead of going back to apologize like a decent human being he’s seriously contemplating jacking off.

How long had it been since he’d done that, anyway?

It wasn’t that Levi was a virgin or anything. It wasn’t that he never thought about sex, despite the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d done so. It wasn’t even that he never found anyone attractive. It was just that it took a very specific sort of person to really spark his interest, not to mention he had to be in the right mood and feel comfortable with said specific person and…oh, who the fuck was he kidding? It had been years since he’d even touched _himself_ on a regular basis much less had sex with anyone.

Watching your friends die in horrific ways and fighting for your life on the daily could put a damper on anyone’s goddamn libido.

So it’s with no small amount of amazement that Levi looks down to discover his palm pressed against his crotch, long fingers cupping at his half-hard erection with so much unintentional enthusiasm that you’d think he hadn’t got off in years. The pleasure is immediate and frighteningly heady, prompting Levi to clamp his free hand over his mouth in case any stray noises should happen to pop out. No! This is wrong! What if the kid came looking and found him like this?  What would he say?

Then again…who the hell cared? Things were already screwed between them and that would just be the fucked up icing on an already fucked-up-beyond-belief cake. Besides, no matter how pathetically small, that first touch has already lit a fire so hot it’s burning away all of Levi’s very good reasons for not rubbing one out a few hundred yards from the object of his…

“Goddamn it,” he whispers, hiking up one foot to rest against a nearby fallen tree so he can give himself the leverage he needs to spread his legs and get a better grip.

Maybe he wouldn’t feel like such a shithead if he just didn’t think about Eren while he was doing it...

Then again, maybe if he did it just this once he'd get it out of his system?

Closing his eyes, he begins rolling the heel of his palm rhythmically across his dick, his breath catching in his throat when a small wave of pleasure tingles along the soles of his feet. He imagines Eren looking up at him from between his legs, pretty eyes narrowed with intent and filled with a strange mix of uncertainty and determination. The younger man’s lips are so soft, and Levi can only imagine what they’d be like around his cock, how their pressure and texture would make him want to thrust his hips up to meet them, the way they’d turn swollen and slick. Levi wants to know the entirety of Eren’s untouched body, to find out what parts of him match his lips and what parts don’t, to discover what he sounds like on his back and what his face looks like when he comes.  Levi had been too shocked when Eren had kissed him to respond properly, too terrified at the time with how easily his walls were being breached and too concerned with fortifying them to even recognize that he’d missed an opportunity. 

He couldn’t allow himself to have another.

“ _Eren_.” Levi’s voice comes out muffled against his hand, his fingers digging painfully into his jaw to keep any other noises at bay. The fingers of his other hand are busy as well, dipped down low to massage his balls while his hips squirm and buck, shoving his shoulderblades against the trunk of the tree. It hurts, but Levi doesn’t mind; he likes the way the bark scratches at the delicate skin at the small of his back where his shirt has ridden up to expose it. It’s sinfully easy to imagine it as Eren’s fingernails instead, scraping along Levi’s sides to grab handfuls of his ass and hold on for dear life as he rides out his desire. 

Legs shaking with the exertion of holding himself in place, Levi struggles to get more comfortable before giving into temptation and wrenching open his pants to touch himself in earnest.  Precome slicks his hand when he wraps it around his cock, thrusting up into his fist desperately as he begins the rapid climb to his climax. Eren’s voice is a constant presence in his mind now, Levi’s filthy imagination conjuring up everything from deep moans that make his toes curl to high-pitched whines that make his skin so hot he wishes he could strip down and let the night air kiss it. A shot of electricity explodes up his thighs and bows his spine, the hand he’d been pressing against his mouth dropping away to wrap around his chest and steady himself when he starts to shudder. Once more it’s all too easy to imagine the action as Eren instead, to imagine the younger man using his larger body to enfold Levi in comfort and safety.

Safe.

Is that what would that be like?  Eren holding him like that?  Would it feel safe? Or would it be terrifying, knowing he was so vulnerable? Both, most likely… 

It reality it just sounds like an old man's pathetic fantasy…

But it’s enough.

Teeth fixed down tightly on his bottom lip, Levi moans through his clenched jaw and tastes blood as he releases into his hand, his entire body twitching involuntarily with each contraction of his lower abdomen. Sticky warmth coats his hand as his mind goes fuzzy, everything vanishing in a rush of orgasm that washes him clean for a few precious seconds before it all comes crashing back in to consume him.

And as they do he seriously contemplates being sick in the nearby bushes. 

Because it doesn’t matter whether or not he’s developed some weird attraction to his subordinate.  It doesn’t matter that he’s suddenly found himself enjoying Eren’s company and craving his attention. It doesn't matter that he probably knows more about Levi than anyone has in years.  It is wrong. Eren is fifteen and deserves better and Levi shouldn’t have allowed himself to indulge in even a private moment like this. It won't happen again. He’ll double his work efforts when he returns, dive into his paperwork, train himself into exhaustion and pray for dreamless sleep.

But he wouldn’t ruin Eren…moreover, he wouldn’t leave himself in a position where he could be subjected to the kinds of emotional torment that would lead to bad decision-making for himself and everyone that depended on him. 

Trying frantically to catch his breath, Levi strains to hear through the ringing in his ears for the sound of anyone approaching, hoping against hope that Eren (or a titan) hadn’t heard him. Who knew what kind of idiotic noises he’d been making just now! Met with only silence, he reaches up with the back of his hand to wipe away the blood pooling at the corner of his lips, face twisting up in disgust when he very nearly wipes drying come on his cheek.  See? This was the reason he didn’t bother with this crap! It was filthy and distracting and made him feel like shit afterwards.

Well…usually it didn’t make him feel like shit afterwards…this time was just special.

Reduced to cleaning it off with his own shirt, Levi grimaces and wraps his arms around himself, rubbing at his shoulders when he realizes how cold he’s getting.  Now that the heat of his arousal has worn off the autumn air feels brisk, and he glances back longingly towards camp to see if the fire is still burning.  Squinting, he nearly rises up when he sees it flickering against the trees, only stopping when he remembers what a wreck he must be. He hasn’t laced up his fucking pants or fixed his cravat or even picked the dead leaves off his ass!  Better to wait until Eren has fallen asleep than risk looking like an even bigger idiot than he’s already been tonight.

Maybe things would look better in the morning, but Levi highly doubts it.  Erwin was going to know something was up and ask a million stupid questions that Levi would inevitably answer because he’d be too tired to argue about it. Really though? It was because Erwin was such a manipulative bastard sometimes.  This whole mess really was entirely his fault anyway. 

Drawing his knees up to his chest, Levi rests his forehead against them and feels all at once younger and older than he ever has in all his life.

Eren…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You. Me. Acting like loonies over at my blog. Think about it.
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaaah! I'm sorry this is late! In my defense, it's almost twice as long as a normal chapter and has SO much going on! That being said, this chapter was a bear to write, but turned out well. Forgive any mistakes, but I thought it seemed good enough to at least let you guys read. This is all for fun, anyway!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Oh...and i'm very sorry in advance.

“Levi, you two look--”

“ _Erwin_.” Levi puts up one hand while rubbing the bridge of his nose with the other.

“--terrible.”  

Eren’s fingers flinch and tighten around the sleeping bag he’s been attempting to roll up for the better part of ten minutes, enough heat rising up onto his cheeks that he turns his face away lest the Commander get suspicious.  Was it that obvious that neither of them had slept?  Was it that obvious that they’d both spent the whole night feigning sleep so that the other wouldn’t realize that neither of them was sleeping?

It had been a rough night.

Hours had passed before Levi returned to camp, arriving long after Eren had given up on the idea of them smoothing things over. In truth, he probably wouldn’t have known what to say anyway, caught as he was between the warring desires of wishing he’d never done it and how much he wanted to do it again. In the end he’d doused the fire and curled up in his sleeping bag to wait it out, concern eating at him when Levi had been shivering upon his return, the fabric of his sack rustling with each involuntary jerk of his body as he slowly warmed.

“Eren, how are you?” Commander Smith says, jarring Eren from his thoughts. “Did you two run into trouble?”

“No, sir. Everything was--”

“Peachy. I enjoyed freezing my ass off waiting for you, Erwin. I really did. Shit, what’s taking you so long, Jaeger? Finish what you’re doing and saddle up,” Levi snaps before stalking away into the forest, leaving an almost visible trail of pissiness in his wake. Eren can only shrug helplessly at the Commander’s curiously raised eyebrow, going back to his work before any uncomfortable questions can be raised about the circumstances that led to the Corporal’s stellar mood.

It was going to be one hell of a long ride home.

A breeze smelling of rain blows Eren’s bangs back from his forehead, and he squints up into the sky where dark clouds are brewing in the distance. Wonderful! Just what they needed! It was probably going to make an already miserable journey even more awful, he thinks, running his hands up into his hair to give a sharp tug.  Couldn’t anything go right lately? Why couldn’t he do anything that produced some kind of positive outcome rather than just being a magnet for bullshit?

Determined to avoid any more of the Corporal’s ire, Eren quickly finishes packing away their things before pausing to sneak a glance over to where the two men were busy talking. Or at least…the Commander seems busy; Levi looks to be decidedly uncomfortable as the taller man leans over him in a way that makes Levi cross his arms and glance almost shyly towards the ground. Absorbed in the sight, Eren forgets himself and stares openly, wondering what the Commander could possibly be saying to garner such a strange response from the ever-so-reserved Corporal Levi.

Why can’t Eren do that, he thinks? Why does Levi shy away from him but not from Commander Smith? Is it a matter of how long they’ve known one another or the meshing of their personalities?  Is it them being around the same age?

Dammit _! He_ wants to be that close to Levi. He wants to be able to grin at him like they’re sharing some private joke, to be Levi’s confidant, to have Levi trust him the way he does Commander Smith. 

But then…what has he really done to deserve it?

Closing his eyes, Eren climbs onto his horse before they can notice him, but not being able to see them doesn’t stop his emotions from becoming a tangled jumble of confusion inside him. Jealousy mixes with memories of the previous night, with the feel of Levi’s lips and the heat of his body and the terrified look on his face when he’d pulled away. He’d been genuinely scared, and the expression had been so foreign in the Corporal’s eyes that it had taken Eren hours of replaying it to even recognize it for what it was.  What was he so afraid of?  What was it about Eren that frightened him? 

“Oi,” Levi voice comes from out of nowhere, making Eren jump when he rides up beside him to pull the hood of Eren’s cloak onto his head. “It’s raining. Cover yourself so you don’t get sick.”

“Sorry, sir!” he says, nudging the sides of his horse when Levi starts to ride away. “I didn’t see you there.”

“I can tell. You were staring off into space like an idiot.”

“Are you and Commander Smith finished already?” Eren asks without thinking, watching the branches bow down towards the ground as the falling rain gathers heavily in the leaves. When he gets no response he swallows and focuses on Levi’s back instead, trying to work up the courage to broach the subject of what had happened the night before. They should talk about it, right? The atmosphere between them is calmer now, as though Levi’s anger were like a passing summer storm, violent and strong but quick to dissipate. Even the tension in his shoulders is eased, though Eren takes note that his mood isn’t better in the sense that he’s happier, only that he seems more resigned somehow.

“Is everything…all right, sir?”

“No, not really,” Levi answers softly, his voice strangely intimate despite the fact that he has to raise it over the sound of approaching thunder. He shakes his head when Eren tries to question him further, rivulets of water scattering from the edge of his hood.  “Let it go, Eren.”

“But--”

“Please.”

Taken aback, Eren bites down on his bottom lip and tightens his grip on the reins, fighting against the almost palpable urge to offer comfort even though he was terrible at that sort of thing. What was wrong? Eren had never seen the other man go through such a dizzying range of emotions before. Granted, it could have been the fact that Eren was simply recognizing them with more accuracy, but he didn’t think so.  Levi was, for all intents and purposes, rattled. The mask he relied on to keep himself together was cracking, and Eren couldn’t help but feel guilty about that because…he was the cause of it.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” Eren whispers, flinching when the other man’s shoulders visibly tense and he reaches down to rub his leg in a way that Eren doesn’t think is intentional. Unsure of what to do, he says nothing more and they ride in silence for a long time through the drenching rain, the splash of hooves through puddles and the rumbling in the sky above them the only sounds. Eventually they come to a dense grove of trees, each so old that they’ve begun to bend and curve against one another, their slender trunks woven through their neighbors to twist and twine into strange, arching canopies.

Without warning Levi stops and turns his horse in a circle to get a bearing on his surroundings. “I’m goddamn sick of riding in the rain,” he declares, dismounting and pointing towards a chest high patch of dry space nestled between the coiling branches of three particularly large trees. “We’re waiting it out in there where it’s dry.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, patting his mare on the neck before ducking down into the trees. Eren quickly follows suit, dead leaves crunching beneath his boots as he gazes up with amazement at the thick roof of leaves above them.  Nothing penetrates the tight knit of the branches, their weave so unyielding that it even blocks out most of the light to create a wooden cave of semi-darkness.  It’s quiet, the rain muted and far away sounding, intimate in a way that makes Eren feel as though he should whisper.  

“Wow,” he murmurs, sitting down to try and get more comfortable while Levi hangs his cloak on a nearby branch and unlatches his maneuver gear. “I didn’t know trees even did this.”

“You’re very easily impressed,” Levi replies with a loud yawn, the sound of him rustling in the leaves drawing Eren’s attention. Turning around, he smiles softly as Levi curls up in a nest of multicolored foliage, resting his head in the crook of his elbow before rubbing the tip of his nose and closing his eyes. It’s so unintentionally endearing that Eren almost wants to fall asleep himself, but he also can’t stop thinking that they need to talk, to figure out what was going on, to have some kind of resolution to the problem that they both keep ignoring.

“You’re sleeping?”

“In case you hadn’t noticed,” Levi says without opening his eyes, “I didn’t actually get a lot last night. Now shut up and wake me when it stops raining.”

“Oh,” Eren scratches the back of his neck, swallowing around his nervousness, “I just thought maybe we could…talk?”

Levi snorts loudly through his nose and quickly flips over, giving Eren his back as the tension between them shoots through the roof. “We have nothing to talk about.”

“Sir, I’m so sor--”

“God, stop apologizing, Eren,” Levi breaks in, anxiety screaming down the length of his spine, “I told you, just let it--”

“I can’t!” Eren makes to move but is stopped short by a deadly stare cast over Levi’s shoulder. His dark eyes give away nothing of what he’s thinking, and even if Eren had known it probably wouldn’t have stopped him from rambling anyway. “Sir, I’m sorry. I really am. I mean, you probably don’t even like me very much and here I am…”

He trails off, waving his hands in useless circles before plopping back down to stare at the tips of his boots. A strong gust of wind blows around them, whistling through the branches so loudly that he barely even hears Levi until the other man is almost directly in front of him. Startled, he glances up in time to watch Levi run a hand up through his still-damp bangs, messing them up so that the black locks sticks up at odd angles all around his face.

“Is that what you think,” he shakes his head, “that I don’t like you?”

Eren shrugs noncommittally and Levi sighs, maneuvering himself so that he’s facing the mouth of the enclosure before pulling his knees up to his chest. Nothing more is said for a long time as Eren picks at the fabric of his pants and Levi stares out thoughtfully into the rain, both of them seemingly at a loss for what to say. What else can be said that isn’t totally inappropriate or crazy? Eren can barely explain how he’s feeling to himself much less to Levi who probably couldn’t care less. 

Still…he remembers the way Levi had let him open up and be himself for a little while. He remembers their smiles and the peace of their quiet companionship. He remembers the way Levi laughed, the sound so warm and bright it had put the fire to shame. He remembers the soft scratching of Levi’s pencil and the safe feeling he had whenever they were alone.

Even now.

“It isn’t like that, you know,” Levi whispers, shattering the silence before turning his head to glance at Eren through his lashes. “It isn’t like that at all.”

Without warning Eren’s heart begins to race, a strange tingling moving through his palms that reminds him of being out in the cold too long. The atmosphere around them is charged with a sudden energy, and as they continue their staring contest Eren feels as though he’s become frozen beneath the intensity of Levi’s gaze. He literally can’t move, and even if he could move he doesn’t know where he would move to. 

“Then, why?” His eyebrows draw together in confusion, and he’s proud to be able to speak when all he really wants to do is hide.

It is a loaded question. Why did you pull away from me last night when it felt so good? Why did you let me open up to you? Why won’t you open up to me? Why are you so scared of me?  Why did you let me have a peek inside if you were only going to slam the door shut again? Why won’t you trust me the way I trust you?

“Why can’t we…”

“Eren,” Levi presses his lips together for a second before speaking. “There are a hundred very good reasons why what you’re asking for is a bad idea.”

“It doesn’t matter--”

Levi’s nose scrunches up as he struggles to keep calm. “You’re fifteen!” he starts counting the reasons off on his fingers, voice becoming louder with each consecutive point. “I’m thirty-four! I’m your superior officer! We could both become titan shit tomorrow! Fuck, we could die _today_! You should be with someone who can give you a goddamn life and not waste whatever minimal chances you get on…”

He stops abruptly to take an unsteady breath before squeezing his eyes shut, clearly trying not to give too much away. But it doesn’t matter; Eren can hear the unspoken words, can feel the way they fill him up with a strange sense of fondness that’s entirely new. Sure, maybe he doesn’t know where he’s going or what he’s doing, but he does know that he wants to be wherever Levi is and that whatever direction Levi is heading seems good enough to him.

“Do it anyway, Levi.”

Cautiously reaching out to touch the back of Levi’s hand, he nearly cries out in surprise when the other man unexpectedly grabs his wrist, squeezing it so hard that it’s all Eren can do not to wince. “I’m scared too,” he whispers, letting out a relieved sigh when the death grip loosens enough for Eren to lace their fingers together and give his hand a reassuring squeeze. It’s a small intimacy, but it gives him the confidence to go further, to brush the tips of their noses together and stare unabashedly at the amazing spectacle of Levi’s blue eyes warming like the first days of spring.

“Tch.” A soft laugh puffs against Eren’s lips, alerting him to the fact that something is about to happen. “Scared…who do you think you’re talking to, brat?”

This kiss isn’t like the night before, where Eren had been in control and Levi sat back passively. No, this is mutual and instant, setting Eren’s skin ablaze like a forest fire racing across a tinder-ridden woodland floor. Levi, while a little hesitant, is not so shy that he’s idle, gently dragging blunt nails up and down the nape of Eren’s neck while prying open his mouth to nip at his tongue with a growing urgency.

Lust giving him courage, Eren moves to wrap his arms around Levi’s small waist and tug him closer, heart pounding wildly in his ears as their bodies collide. Inwardly he can’t help but notice how much smaller Levi seems when they're pushed together like this, but he also knows that the other man is deceptively slight, and can feel the hard slopes of his muscles slotting against his own.

“Levi,” Eren murmurs when they break apart for air, finding himself unable to catch his breath properly as he feels himself grow overwhelmed with the need for physical contact.

Unsure of where to start, Eren decides to plunge his fingers into Levi’s hair, using the damp locks as leverage to tilt his head back and expose the delicate slope of his neck for exploration. Hesitant at first, an encouraging nod from above gives him the guts to press a trail of wet kisses along the delicate skin, pausing at the jugular to let the physical proof of Levi’s arousal flutter against his lips before biting it so hard it draws a startled moan from the older man’s lips.

That _sound_ …

It’s so ridiculously soft that Eren almost doesn’t hear it, but doing so sets off a molten bomb in his stomach, an almost violent wave of heat that sizzles down to the tips of his toes before racing back up to cloud his head. And as he looks down at Levi’s face, at the blown pupils of his dark eyes and his flushed cheeks, he can suddenly think of nothing else but getting them as close as possible as quickly as possible.

“Fuck,” Levi breathes, staring back at Eren with an expression caught somewhere between astonishment and skepticism, “the way you _look_ at me.”

They become a tangle of limbs after that, the leaves crunching loudly as they tumble down into them, hands everywhere at once. Eren cages over Levi’s body and lays lips to any available patch of skin he can reach, silently cursing their uniforms for all the straps, belts, shirts, pants, layers, jackets and unnecessary accessories that currently stand between his mouth and Levi’s body. Levi, for his part, seems frustrated as well, tugging at the back of Eren’s shirt impatiently as he rubs his cheek against his hair and drags lips along whatever he happens to find while murmuring things Eren can’t quite make out.

Eren’s eyes widen in surprise when Levi wedges one of his legs between his own, easily lifting Eren's hips in a way that makes his cock twitch and harden between them. “W-what are you?” he stammers out as Levi starts rocking upwards, steadily urging Eren’s growing erection into sliding and pressing against his thigh as he raises and lowers his knee. “L-Levi?”

“ _Shhhhh_ ,” he coos, reaching up to take Eren’s head and gently guide his face to the crook of his neck. Eren impatiently pushes aside the folds of his cravat to suckle at the skin beneath, wanting nothing more than to leave a mark for Levi to remember him by when he was alone in his perfect bed.

They keep on this way for breathless minutes, with Levi petting his hair and rolling his thigh against Eren’s cock while Eren moans and does his best not to come in his pants. Yet, in spite of how good it feels, he can’t help thinking he shouldn’t be the only one feeling good.  Shouldn’t he be reciprocating?  Shouldn’t he be doing something other than just using Levi’s leg to get off on? That’s not what this is about, is it? This is about them, right?

He wants Levi to feel good too.

Swallowing around his nerves at the thought of how ridiculous he’s about to look, Eren reaches down and presses the palm of his hand against the front of Levi's pants, eyes flying wide at the size and heat of it. Curious, he gives the hard bulge an experimental squeeze, nearly jerking away when Levi bucks violently against his hand and stalls out in a way that doesn't appear pleasureable in the least.

Something is very wrong. 

“Don’t!” Levi snaps suddenly, digging his fingers sharply into Eren’s hair to rip his mouth away from his throat, eyes wide and startled as he twists out from where he’s pinned him to the ground.

“W-wha?” Eren feels as though he’d just been doused with cold water as Levi manages to stumble away from him, one hand up as though to ward off a blow.  “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Levi’s entire body is visibly trembling, all his careful composure lost in the dark pools of his eyes and the swell between his legs. Each emotion on his face is vivid and obvious now, the controlled mask he wears shattered so completely that Eren can read him without effort. But even without his usual poise, Levi is _beautiful_. Dark hair a messy nest, his pale cheeks are flushed and rosy, matching lips that are swollen in a way that makes him seem like an entirely different person than the one Eren has come to know. Everything about him is lovely, and Eren lets his eyes wander along the other man’s body shamelessly for much too long considering the circumstances.

“What’s wrong?” he asks finally, voice soft as his eyebrows come together with concern.

The look Levi gives him is one of absolute contempt as he gestures wildly between them. “This! This is what’s wrong!” He runs the palms of his hands down his face before crossing his arms across his chest as though trying to hold himself in place. “Me! You! Whatever the hell we think we’re doing!”

“Don’t you want me?” Eren bites his lip and scoots forward on his knees, trying to ignore the way his cock still aches in favor of soothing Levi. “I mean, I can tell you--”

“It doesn’t matter what I want!” he shouts, making Eren flinch back. “This is wrong and you know it! We’re soldiers! Are you some kind of fucking masochist? Do you want to get hurt?”

“No!” His temper sparks at the tone of Levi’s voice, the frustration compounded by all the arousal still humming through his body. Why couldn’t they have this? What was so wrong in caring about somebody? In a world where everything was so screwed up, why wasn’t it okay to take comfort in the few things you found that made you happy?!

“Dammit, I want _you_! What’s wrong with that? Is it me? Are you scared of me?”

“You don’t understand,” Levi says, rubbing his hands along his arms as though he’s cold.

Eren snorts loudly through his nose and looks out into the forest, trying to focus on the patter of rain dripping steadily from the branches in an attempt to calm his nerves. It doesn’t work; he’s way past the point of thinking rationally, unable to rely on his usual confidence to distract him from the secret fears he harbors about what he’s become. He’s a goddamn titan now, and heaven knew he was questioning the state of his humanity more and more every day…why wouldn’t Levi be turned off by someone like Eren touching him?

Maybe he _was_ disgusting.

“What don’t I understand?” he asks miserably, barely able to raise his gaze from the ground and hating himself for the way his bottom lip won’t stop quivering, “Is it because I’m a titan? Am I…am I too much of a monster even for you?”

Mouth falling open, Levi scrambles forward to cup his cheek and tilt down his chin, forcing their eyes to meet so that Eren can see the warmth laid bare in Levi’s usually cool gaze. _Affection_. There’s no mistaking it, even for someone as emotionally inept as Eren is. Dammit! Seeing that should make him happy; he’s never had anyone look at him like that before, like he was something precious. 

“No! That doesn’t have anything to do with it! Nothing! You know I don’t give a shit about that!” Levi gives him a firm shake. 

He should be happy right now... but he’s not.  He’s _angry_. Because Levi’s affection doesn't mean a damn thing as long as he won’t give it away. As long as he keeps it hidden away.

And that hurts.  

“Then what is it?!” He wrenches back and shoves Levi away, trembling with the instinctual urge to lash out. This feeling is safe. Anger and frustration are things he knows. Sometimes it seems like that’s all he knows. “If it’s not me than it must be you, right?!”

“Careful, Jaeger.” Warning bells ring out in Levi’s voice as he squares his shoulders and narrows his eyes, all warmth draining away to be replaced by a cold fire that on any other day would have Eren shrinking back. But today is different. Today Eren is confused and angry and hurt and all he wants is the security of a good fight, to not have to deal with the jumble of his feelings.  

“What is it, _Corporal_?” Eren sneers, crossing his arms over his chest. “Afraid you won’t be able to satisfy me? Afraid I’ll find out you’re really a virgin like some people think you are? Is that it, sir?”

“Enough!”

“Or maybe it’s more than that.”  Ignoring the flash of hurt he sees flittering across Levi’s face, Eren shoves his index finger hard into the center of his chest. “Maybe you really _don’t_ have any feelings. Maybe you’re just as frigid on the inside are you are on the outside!”

He knows he’s fucked up the second the words leave his mouth.

Because before he even has time to be smug Eren is knocked flat on his back, wide eyes blinking up at the ceiling of branches as blood oozes down his cheek to catch in his hair. What just happened?! Reaching up to touch his already swelling lip, Eren struggles momentarily to catch his breath before rising up on his elbow…

And promptly wishes he’d never been born.

Levi is shaking with fury, fists clenched at his sides as though he’s holding himself back from pouncing on Eren and beating him within an inch of his life. But beneath that, simmering just below the surface and threatening to spill out through his eyes is an overwhelming sadness. He looks…heartbroken. It’s as though Eren literally stole his very last friend and he’s just become the loneliest human being in the entire world.

“You don’t _know_ me, Eren Jaeger,” Levi whispers in a voice trembling with emotion before darting out into the rain, leaving everything from his cloak to his maneuver gear behind in favor of getting away.

What has he done?

“Levi!” Eren crawls forward, all his previous anger vanished in the backwash of Levi’s distress. How could he say that? How could he say those things when he knew none of them were true? How could he?! “Levi, I’m sorry! Wait!” he cries out, watching the other man run over to where his mare was half-asleep under a nearby tree and climb shakily onto her back.

“Don’t you dare call me that!” Levi shouts at him over the rain, his black hair already soaked to his forehead as he kicks his horse in the sides.  “Find your own way back!”

Eren tries to shout after him again but nothing will come out, his jaw hanging uselessly as Levi rides off into the trees. He doesn’t know how long he stays that way in the aftermath, the minutes dragging by until the salty taste of tears startles him and he reaches up to touch his wet cheeks.

How did it get like this? 

Eventually composing himself enough to think, he’s trying to decide whether or not to wait until it stops raining to follow Levi when his thoughts are interrupted by the sound of…a rumbling?  Not like the rumble of thunder, but the sound of something heavy impacting the ground with enough force to make the puddles on the ground quiver and swirl.

Like footfalls, rhythmic and steady.

And getting closer.

“No,” he whispers, throwing his hand up over his mouth before spinning around to gape at Levi’s abandoned maneuver gear.

“Oh my god…Levi…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit me at: http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/
> 
> We'll totally feel pervy about lusting after a 15 year old together! :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Boy, has it been a busy week! Between work, school, and writing, I've barely had time to breathe! 
> 
> But you are in luck!
> 
> I'm not the best at writing action scenes, but I really like the way this came out. I hope it meets with your approval! Loves to you guys for being patient with my schedule!

Everything is a blur. 

The falling rain mutes the colors of the forest, becoming nothing more than a hazy tunnel around him as he rides as fast as his skills will allow towards his objective, towards _Levi_. Eren has to get to him! He divides his focus between the within and without; the churning of his rising panic gives fuel to his actions, his fear urging him to dart from one obstacle to the next, jumping through the slimmest openings as he pushes his horse into a gallop that probably isn’t safe considering the terrain. 

But he doesn’t care. This is all his fault! 

Despite not being able to see the titan through the thick foliage, he can hear it snapping and breaking the branches in the small valley below, the violent sounds making a thin sheen of sweat break out on his forehead. Was Levi even down there? This may have been the way he’d gone, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he was there. Still, Eren doesn’t have any other choice, and so he points himself down the slick, vine-ridden hill in the direction of the commotion, pushing aside of his fear as he barrels towards the titan and the fight he knows is coming.

Unless there wasn’t going to be any need for a fight.  Unless he gets there too late. Unless the titan gets to Levi first.

Unless…

“No,” he breathes to himself, pushing that from his mind while holding tight to the reins as his gelding’s hooves begin slipping against the muddy earth. No negative thoughts would help him help Levi right now, and he wouldn’t entertain the idea of any worst-case scenarios. Eren was going to find him. Levi was going to be alive when he did. And when the titan had been taken care Levi would call Eren a selfish idiot and cuff him upside the head, and Eren wouldn’t care at all because Levi wouldn’t be _dead_.

He isn’t going to let Levi die.

Momentarily distracted, Eren notices too late the way his horse has begun jerking forward on its front legs, unable to regain his balance in time to stop himself from being thrown bodily into the air when the animal loses its footing entirely. The ground rushes up to meet him seconds before he slams down onto it, grunting when his shoulder dislocates and the brush cuts bloody gashes in his cheeks and steals the breath from his lungs. He can’t recover due to the steep incline, powerless to stop himself from tumbling backwards and further into the valley, hands scrambling for purchase against anything he can grab.

“Shit!” he cries out as he continues sliding through the muck, knowing full well that he’s making a racket but half hoping the titan will hear it and get distracted from pursuing Levi. There’s no time to dwell on that though; the world opens up underneath him and he drops down vertically into a shallow chasm, his stomach lurching uncomfortably as rocky walls rise up around him to encase him in stone. He slams down flat on his back, and for a long moment his vision goes soft and fluffy around the edges as a sharp pain shoots through the side of his head. What the hell was that?! Gingerly reaching up to touch the source of the injury, he winces when his fingers come away coated with blood, trusting that his healing powers will take care of the damage before he needs to be coherent again.

Taking stock of his surroundings, he finds the crack he’s fallen into isn’t particularly deep (maybe only twice as tall as Eren and about half as wide) but will still present a struggle to him when he’s so disoriented and dizzy. But it didn’t matter; even if he was missing his arms altogether he would do it somehow! He has to do it! Standing up, he sucks in a deep breath as waves of nausea roll through him, trying desperately to hold on to the reason it was so important to get free. _Levi_. Levi was out there without his gear, and Eren had placed him at that disadvantage by making him leave it behind in the first place! Levi, who smiled at him and laughed with him and kissed him and made him feel human for the first time in forever. Levi, who deserved better than dying all alone in a goddamned titan’s putrid stomach!

“Come on, Jaeger.” He grits his teeth and grabs a nearby group of vines dangling down into the hole, making sure his grip is sound before using them to drag himself up onto the wall of the chasm.  He’d done plenty of climbing back in training, so it wasn’t a matter of his skill or his physical ability to do so. No, it was more a matter of his head spinning so intensely that he could barely tell up from down and the way his hands were shaking so violently he could barely form a fist. 

Though…apparently that isn’t his only problem. There’s also the issue of the titan who just showed up letting him out.

“Holy--!”

Eren bounces back onto his ass, gaping open-mouthed as one large eye stares blankly back at him from the top of the crack, feeling himself tense when it narrows with intent and purpose and hunger. When had that thing gotten here?! Why hadn’t he heard it? Was it even the same one? Long fingers appear next, pinching down toward Eren who quickly flattens himself against the floor in the hopes that the titan’s hand will be too big for such a cramped space. When that appears to be the case he takes a few calming breaths, but the first brush of the monster’s fingers against the fabric of his jacket sets off every alarm bell in his brain and he instinctively begins wiggling to get out of his coat. No good! He can’t move an inch without putting himself right in the titan’s hand!

He can’t use his gear in such a small space! Can he even transform in here?! Would the ground give way for his titan body or would he crush himself? Did he have a choice?

He doesn’t.

Hand trembling as he brings it up to his lips, Eren opens his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut, readying himself for whatever pain he’s about to experience. Hell, he’d lost enough limbs at this point…getting all his bones crushed should be nothing, right? It was nothing if he could save Levi, right? It would be worth it if he could look into Levi’s eyes one more time and say all the stupid shit he’d been feeling, wouldn’t it?

“Eren!”

Angels couldn’t have sounded more beautiful.

“Levi? Levi!” he calls back, utterly relieved at the knowledge that the other man was alive, a warmth filling him up that was not unlike stepping into a bath after being out in the snow all day. But what the hell was Levi thinking?! He didn’t have his swords or his gear! “Get out of here! Go!” Eren cries, watching aghast when the titan pulls back to stand, its long shadow filling the hole with darkness as it lumbers off towards new prey. Seconds later he hears Levi call out sharply to his horse, both he and the titan crashing off through the forest to leave Eren behind in that godforsaken crack in the ground.

Shaking his head does nothing to alleviate his wooziness, but he licks his lips and pushes past it, focusing all his attention on hauling himself bodily to the forest floor above. Halfway up the vines snap, forcing him to dig his fingers into the wet rock and claw the rest of the way out, feeling his nails breaking and bleeding from the strain. Once he’s topside and regains his footing he looks desperately for Levi, only able to see the titan as it chases him through the trees, carving an enormous path through the forest as they went.

His feet seem to move before he actively tells them to, carrying him through the ripped and mangled tree trunks to jump and dodge anything that gets in his way. He trusts his body to know what to do, keeping his eyes resolutely forward as he sprints with everything he’s got, ignoring the steadily growing burn in his legs as he tries to close the distance. The titan is slowing down to swing its enormous hand, and the sharp turn of Levi’s horse to avoid it finally brings him into Eren’s view, lending him more determination, more energy.

He _will_ make it! Even if he can’t focus enough to turn into a titan just yet, he can still get there! He can still help! More than anything Eren doesn’t want to rely on his titan powers; he wants to trust in whatever lingering humanity he has left and in the abilities he’d struggled to attain for years.

Eren wants to be more than just a monster.

Levi doesn’t appear to notice Eren’s approach as he expertly maneuvers his horse in and out of the thinnest spots, dodging both the forest and the titan with incredible accuracy. His face is a mask of concentration and intense focus, the expression of a man who knows he’s at a disadvantage but refuses to be accept any possibility but victory. He snaps the reins this way and that, causing the titan to teeter and stumble when it attempts to keep up with the twists and turns that the mare is capable of performing. It’s a deadly dance Levi leads, encircling the titan one moment before running between its legs the next, urging his horse to move precisely with kicks of his heels and shouts of his voice. Eren has never seen anything like it, and he can’t help but feel a sort of awe at the things that Levi is capable of doing that seemingly no one else can.

But nothing lasts forever, and the blow, when it arrives, is fierce…

A small titan, short enough to fit beneath the canopy of the trees, leaps without warning from the left, slamming with such force into the flank of Levi’s mare that the impact sends them both crashing to the ground in a pile of limbs. Eren can hear the sound of Levi cursing before he unsteadily rolls to his feet seconds later, blood dripping down his temple as he pulls both pistols from their holsters and slowly turns to face his enemies.

It’s then, when Eren can finally see him in full, that Levi’s inner world is laid bare before him, all his emotions clear and apparent for Eren to see.

And he sees that Levi isn’t afraid.

His stance as strong as ever, there is utterly no fear in the square of his shoulders or in the narrowed glint of his eyes. He remains defiant in the face of death, and even though he hasn’t seen Eren and doesn’t know he’s coming, dying alone is not enough to shake the foundation of Levi’s courage. In the end, he raises up his chin as though daring the titans to approach him and make their move, dark hair falling in wet rivulets against his bloody cheeks. 

He’s never been more beautiful.

“Stop!”

It’s been Eren’s experience that in times of great distress the world slows down and offers you the opportunity to question your actions, as though it wants you to be entirely sure of what you’re about to do in case you might want to take it back.

He doesn’t want to. He couldn’t if he tried. The decision is made.

It was made when the large titan reached down its enormous hand, mouth wide and full of filthy yellowed teeth dripping with saliva. It was made when the small titan sat back on its haunches in preparation for springing forward, its tongue lolling against cracked and bleeding lips. It was made when Levi rose up his pistols and cocked back both hammers simultaneously, his chest rising and falling with one last satisfied sigh.

In truth, it was really made the moment Eren realized that what he felt for Levi was anything but simple friendship.

Hanji says that becoming a titan seems to require a specific focus, an objective to follow that allows the shifter to summon their will and begin the transformation.

Eren has it.

 _Protect. Levi_.

The shift in physical perspective is what he notices first, followed shortly thereafter by the searing pain as one of the titans sinks its teeth into his calf muscle before all three of them topple down through the foliage. He doesn’t have time to see if Levi managed to avoid getting crushed in the mayhem, trusting that the other man had good enough reflexes to get out of the way in time. Eren’s primary concern is killing the monsters tearing at him while still managing to keep all his limbs in tact; it’s easier said than done, as the impact thrust a shattered tree straight through his thigh like a spear, putting Eren at an almost instant disadvantage. It doesn’t help that he still feels off kilter from his earlier head injury, and the resulting disorientation makes it that much harder to shake off the titans as they relentlessly attack him over and over.

He’d once told Mikasa that it actually felt good to get beaten up like this, and on some level it still does. On another level it’s horrifying, because each time he indulges in it his humanity slips further through his fingers, as though he’s a mere breath away from never coming out again, doomed to roam the world in a hideous mountain of flesh. But this isn’t like that at all, and Eren easily maintains himself because each time he loses the upper hand, each time he misses a punch or a kick, he remembers that his failure will put Levi in immediate danger, and that if he doesn’t win he may never get to see him again.

Nothing would be pleasurable about that; Eren is grounded and secure in that singular thought.

Somehow he ends up flipped on his stomach, managing to rip the head off the smaller titan and toss it away moments before the large one straddles his thighs and sinks its teeth into his shoulder. Eren roars in pain and frustration, bucking and thrashing like an untamed horse in an attempt to get free as broken trees pierce him like knives all along his body. When it doesn’t seem to work he rolls them both instead, ending up with nothing but a view of the clearing sky as he slams the back of his skull repeatedly into the titans face, heedless of the stinging pain that shoots through his spine each time he does. Anything to make it stop pulling at him! Anything to make it give pause! Anything to end the fight!

At last it rears back, limbs flailing wildly and giving Eren the opportunity he needs to spin back quickly and punch down as hard as he can. His fist goes directly through the titan’s screaming mouth, and Eren feels teeth break off and gray matter and bits of fractured skull stick to his knuckles as he impales the monster into the ground. When he can feel the wet earth squish between his fingers on the other side he stops, breathing heavily as the world begins to spin and fall away from him.

This. This feels good; Eren wants his pound of flesh, to get some sort of revenge, to have an object to take out his limitless anger on. Any object. This. This was enough for now. He’d achieved his goal.

No one was going to hurt Levi while Eren was breathing.

He finishes the titan quickly, but within seconds the concussion he’d suffered in his human body starts to effect the connection to his titan one, sending him careening onto his side in a nearly unconscious lump. As the connection shuts down entirely Eren begins to panic, unable to move and not knowing when he was going to get out or how he was going to get out. Claustrophobia rises up thick in his throat as the flesh around him closes in like a suffocating hot blanket, cocooning him in throbbing muscle tissue that refuses to give no matter how he wrestles at it.

He can’t move. Can’t see. Can’t think.

“Hold on, Eren!”

But he can hear.

“I’m coming!”

The urge to cry at the sound of his voice is almost overwhelming, but since Eren can’t do that either as his face is buried in sinew, he can only be grateful that he isn’t going to have to suffer the humiliation. At first he wonders how Levi plans to get him out, but as he begins hearing the vague sound of sawing coming from all around him he realizes that Levi must be using Eren’s discarded swords to cut him out of the neck. It wasn’t the first time Levi had done it, but this was definitely the one that Eren appreciates the most.

Open air hits his face as he’s finally tugged free, and Eren doesn’t give a shit that it smells more like blood than rain because Levi is right there, cradling him and rocking his body back and forth a few times before cupping Eren’s face and tilting it upward so that they can see each other properly. Or at least, Eren assumes Levi is seeing him properly; Eren's vision is starting to become so blurry that he has to rely on smell and feel and sound to tell that it’s even the Corporal at all.

Still…despite that…he’s so damn _happy_.

“Are you okay?” he struggles to speak, noticing the way his own voice sounds far away and hollow, hard to make out through the ringing in his ears. But he can feel the way Levi’s hands are cool and soothing against his skin, and it lulls Eren into a sense of calm despite the fact that they’re really anything but secure.

“Quiet,” Levi replies softly, and Eren can no longer see his lips moving even though they’re close, his vision darkening around the edges like burning paper. “You’re so…goddamn it, Eren…”

Eren wants desperately to reply to the quiver of tears in Levi’s voice, to assure the older man that he’s fine and that he shouldn’t worry…but his mouth won't work and the words won't come. Consciousness is leaving him in one fell swoop, and all he knows before the shadows claim him entirely is the faint, gentle press of lips against his forehead and the murmured promise that everything is going to be all right.

Everything is going to be all right.

Eren sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey there, why don't you come visit me and behold my slightly unhealthy collection of Ereri pictures at: http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/
> 
> ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ho hoooooo! I'm actually updating on Thursday! I'm so proud! I'm also a bit proud of this chapter. It is literally all character interaction, which seemed a lot easier until I realized that Eren isn't going to be able to get out of bed for the entire scene. XD!
> 
> Anyway! Loves to you! I hope you like it!
> 
> On a side-note: This fic officially hit 30k words! I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but that's a lot to me! Thanks for sticking with me, guys!

Consciousness comes in and out like blurry waves, drowning him in flashes of colors and sounds and vague sensory information that he can barely piece together before the darkness washes back over him.

Levi lifts him unsteadily onto the back of a horse, grunting with the effort of arranging Eren’s limbs so that he’s wedged against the neck and can’t fall off before climbing up behind him. Warm arms encircle him, holding him safe as Levi urges the mare into a gentle walk that reminds Eren of the way his mother used to rock him to sleep when he was small. Back and forth he sways, nose full of the musky smell of the horse’s mane and the fresh prickle of mud that covers the sleeves of Levi’s uniform.

He’s probably so pissed off about that…

A meadow spreads out before them, soft fog having risen up in the aftermath of the rain to blanket the ground in a rolling mist that swirls and parts as they pass. There are two horses now and Levi walks out in front of them, his boots lost in a mantle of half-obscured wildflowers as he leads the small convoy through the haze. Levi turns as though feeling Eren’s eyes upon him, and the corners of his mouth quirk upwards around a lit cigarette before he continues forward without a word.

The smoke curls around his head and mingles with the swelling mist…

Someone is baking bread when they arrive back at the farmhouse, and the soothing smell of it makes Eren’s belly clench painfully in response. He’s wondering how long it’s been since he’d last eaten when Armin’s face comes into view, the edges of his round cheeks blurry though Eren is pretty sure that’s the concussion talking. Next is Levi with his eyes overflowing with concealed uneasiness, reaching out to tentatively touch Eren’s forehead--it’s only then that he realizes he’s been laid on the ground.

There’s a twig poking him in the ass and he wishes he could tell someone so they’d get rid of it…

Someone is complaining and the sound urges him to crack open an eye despite the warmth of the mattress telling him not to bother. His gaze lands on Levi sitting across the room on an old stool, elbows perched on his knees with his head hanging loosely between them as though the strain of holding it up was momentarily too much. He weakly tries to keep Armin from finishing wrapping his ribs, long sashes of fabric already half-covering the blossoming bruises all along his torso. Confused, Eren bites his lip and wonders when that had happened, a frustrated sound rising up in his throat when he can’t remember. When he’d fallen off his horse? While Eren fought the titans? When had that happened? Levi looks up sharply then, their eyes meeting and locking before the older man smiles in a way that is relieved and reproachful all at once.

Go back to sleep, Eren. Everything’s fine. Go back to sleep…

Eren has slept in the same room as other people for the better part of his life, and so the sound of someone snoring nearby is nothing unusual. No, it’s this _particular_ one that piques his interest, drawing him once more into the land of the living. It’s tiny and adorable and a little muffled and entirely…Levi. Still sitting on the stool, he rests with his bandaged head cradled awkwardly near Eren’s hand, his mouth hanging open in a way that allows dark strands of freshly washed hair to stick to his chapped lips. It was as though he’d crawled straight out of the bath and come to Eren’s bedside before drying himself off all the way. Eren, feeling brave, reaches out to touch Levi’s pale cheek with one finger, wishing he had the nerve to wake him but not wanting to disturb his rest.

“I was worried too, Levi...”

And then he dreams.

Eren dreams that he doesn’t make it in time to save him and the price of his failure is the sickening sound of Levi’s bones cracking between a titan’s teeth. He dreams of Levi’s blood soaking his palms and pouring down his inner arms like rivers to soak the bends of his elbows. He hears Levi’s death rattle as vomit gurgles from his mouth and watches as Levi’s empty eyes ask him over and over why Eren hadn’t saved him. He feels the mud splash beneath his knees as he collapses, his heart shattering into a million pieces at the growing knowledge that he would never be right again and that without Levi his world didn’t seem to have any meaning.

Why didn’t he save him?!

“L-Levi!” he screams, bolting upright with wide and unseeing eyes, his inner workings overlapping the outer ones until the feeling of someone shaking him smashes the veil of his waking nightmares.

“Eren!” It’s Armin. Armin is there, shaking his shoulder, his voice high and desperate. How long has Eren been screaming? “Everything is all right! Calm down! You’re okay!”

It takes forever to calm himself, the walls of the bedroom becoming clearer as his dreams fade away into the recesses of his mind, as the gory scene becomes gauzy and immaterial. He gratefully lets it go, forcing himself to take a few long, deep breaths in an attempt to more actively will it all away. Soon it’s working, and reality surrounds him like a comforting blanket; he’s never been happier to see the plain wooden walls of the ramshackle farmhouse or the familiar bright blue of Armin’s eyes.

“How long was I out?” he asks hoarsely, bringing his hand up to his throat when he realizes that it’s sore and raw.

Armin hands him a glass of water from the bedside table, and Eren downs it greedily in three gulps before handing it back with a satisfied sigh. “A day and a half. Maybe more.”

“And…the Corporal?” The question is embarrassingly coy, and Eren mentally curses himself for being so transparent. Why couldn’t he be a little more like Levi? Why couldn’t he keep at least a few of his feelings inside so that he didn’t have to deal with shit like this?! Armin is grinning at him as though Eren just told him every dirty thought he’d had in the history of forever.

The blond leans back in the chair with a knowing grin and stretches up his arms. “He got pretty banged up, but he’ll be fine. He was more worried about _you_ though.”

“Was he?” He tries to hide the unintentional smile behind his hand, feeling his stomach flip in a way that isn’t entirely unpleasant. What the hell was the matter with him?!

“Mmmhmm.”

Eren doesn’t ask any more questions, afraid to give himself away even though the way he can’t stop glancing up periodically towards the door is probably already doing so. He wants so badly to see Levi right now, but he tries to focus on Armin’s words instead, letting them replay over and over in his head.

_He was more worried about you though._

After the way Eren had treated him, it wouldn’t have been surprising if Levi didn’t give two craps about him or his well being, but that didn’t appear to be true. He’d been worried. He’d been so worried that other people had noticed! That in itself spoke volumes to the intensity of Levi’s feelings; Levi didn’t let anyone see the things he didn’t want them to. Maybe he didn’t care if people saw? Or maybe…this was something he couldn’t hide?

Eren looks at the door again.

“He’s sleeping,” Armin murmurs, laughing softly when Eren almost instantly blushes. “He was exhausted but he didn’t want to leave you. We only just convinced him to go to bed a few hours ago.”

 _He didn’t want to leave you_ …

Eren is swinging his legs over the side of the bed before he even finishes that thought, ignoring the bitter cold of the floor beneath his bare feet as an almost unbearable urge to see Levi bubbles up within him. The world spins when he tries to take a step but he ignores that too, Armin jumping up to wrap his arms around Eren’s shoulders in an effort to stop his progress. In truth it isn’t very difficult, and before Eren has even made it halfway to the door he’s feeling woozy and nauseous and is led easily back to bed.

“Er--”

“I just want to make sure he’s okay,” Eren says, forced to lie back and close his eyes when another wave of dizziness washes over him. “I just…”

He doesn’t know what to say and so says nothing, wanting more than anything to run to Levi’s room and see his face and apologize a hundred times for being the biggest jerk in the world. All he wants is to be in the same room with him, to breathe the same air, and it’s a yearning unlike anything Eren has ever felt before; he has no appropriate label for the way it makes him feel except to say that it reminds him of flying. These new emotions are like the first time he took to the air, and it mimics the way his stomach had dropped out when he’d looked down and seen the ground spreading out below him.

“What happened out there, Eren?”

“What?” He blinks, startled from his thoughts. “W-what do you mean?”

Armin raises a dark blond eyebrow and promptly gives him The Look. It’s the same one he’d used since they’d been small and Eren would do something stupid that he didn’t want to own up to right away. The one that told him Armin already knew the stupid thing he’d done and didn’t appreciate him thinking for even a second that he’d hidden it very well. It was the one that always made Eren spill his guts because Armin, due to being one of the smartest people around, knew everything. Hell, he’d probably known what was going to happen from the moment Eren and Levi had left days ago.

Not to mention…Armin was his best friend. Best friends just knew these sorts of things, right?

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” he whispers, leaning in at the same time the other boy does so that their heads are close together; Armin pokes Eren’s chest as though to say how stupid it was to even insinuate otherwise.

Eren tells him _everything_. He tells him about the way he and Levi had talked for hours as they’d ridden through the forest and how comfortable they’d been together. He tells him about the sound of Levi’s laugh and the way Eren had nearly died when they’d kissed and the way Levi’s hair felt under his fingertips. He tells him about watching Levi riding through the rain and not knowing what to do or how to feel or what to say. He tells him about the way they’d held each other under the trees (this is where he leaves out a few minor details) and the horrible things he’d said to make Levi leave and how guilty he felt about it now. He tells Armin everything in an over-emotional, babbling rush that drains him so much he falls back against the pillow with an exhausted sigh.

And all the while Armin sits absorbing it, urging Eren through the conversation with soft murmurings and quiet questionings until there is nothing more to say and easy stillness drifts up between them. “I thought it was something like that,” Armin says finally, moving to give Eren’s hand a soft squeeze.

“What do I do?” Eren replies to the ceiling, catching his bottom lip between his teeth to worry it. Armin was really smart…he’d know what to do.

“I don’t--”

“Arlert,” comes the deep, half-sleepy voice moments before Levi appears in the doorway, his hair and clothing uncommonly disheveled. Eren’s heart immediately leaps into his throat, his pulse hammering in his ears so hard he can barely hear. It’s so good to see him! It’s so good to hear his voice! “I thought I told you to wake me up in two hours.”

“Sorry, sir.” Armin stands and promptly salutes, clearing his throat loudly. “I was…distracted.”

“Well go get distracted helping Kirschtein make dinner. He’s terrible at it and maybe you can keep him from burning the house down.”

Armin goes without a word, giving an encouraging nod over his shoulder, as Levi moves to replace him in the chair by the bed. The sound of the clock ticking quickly fills the void, and the monotonous sound serves only to highlight the fact that he and Levi are now very much alone. But unlike before where the silence was pleasant, this atmosphere is nearly suffocating, the absence of mutual comfort profoundly noticeable.

“Sir?”

“I’m glad you’re awake,” Levi says after taking a deep breath, his eyebrows knitting together when the movement seems to hurt him. It’s then that Eren remembers seeing his ribs being bandaged, and another wave of guilt crashes over him as he looks down to where he can see the outline of them underneath Levi’s sweater. Those were his fault, entirely. Everything was his fault.

Staring back down at his lap, Eren fidgets with the hem of the blanket, not quite sure how to broach the subject of their previous argument or if he should even do so at all. What if what they’d done had been meaningless and Levi just wants to forget about it and go back to the way things were? Eren doesn’t want that at all, but he’d go along with it if that were what Levi wants even if it makes his heart clench up in a way that’s almost unbearable. Whatever this is they have together seems special; Eren doesn’t have very many special things in the world.

He doesn’t want to lose this one.

“How are your ribs, sir?” he asks, deciding that was probably the safest thing to talk about right now.

“Eh?” Levi looks up sharply from the bedspread before back down to his shirt, his eyes a little unfocused as though his thoughts had just been far away. Is he as confused as Eren is? Is he having the same kind of indecision Eren has? It seemed so out of character…wasn’t this Lance Corporal Levi? Wasn’t this Humanity’s Strongest Soldier? Yet, Eren knows that there is a man named Levi beneath this apparently perfect soldier, and maybe that man is just as puzzled about this whole thing as Eren is.

Maybe he doesn’t want this to be over anymore than Eren did.

“Nothing broken,” he answers finally, shrugging his shoulders before clasping his hands together on the bed so near Eren’s own that if either of them even twitched they’d be touching. “It’s your fault anyway, brat. I barely had time to roll out of the way before you started manhandling those titans.”

Scratching the back of his neck, Eren rolls his eyes at himself and smiles awkwardly. Is that what had happened? Eren’s memory of the fight is a little spotty due to his concussion, and he’d only assumed that Levi had gotten out of it without injury. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to--”

Levi stretches out his arm and boxes Eren gently upside the ear, making a noise that insinuates what he’d just said was incredibly stupid. The lightest hint of musk and roses drifts up to tickle Eren’s nose from the sleeve of Levi’s shirt, and it’s all he can do not to hug him when his hand lingers excessively in Eren’s hair. It’s much too lengthy of a touch not to be at least a little intentional, and they both look away when they realize that the other already knows it.

“Tch,” Levi breaks the silence, the corners of his lips quirking up ruefully. “Don’t apologize, idiot. I owe you my goddamn life.”

 _Owe you my life_ …

Eren grits his teeth, feeling unwanted tears stinging at the back of his eyes at the thought of Levi owing him something. He doesn’t want Levi to owe him anything and he doesn’t want Levi’s life unless it means that he’ll take his own in return. What he wants, Eren realizes with startling clarity, is to be able to see Levi smile and laugh, to be alone in the same room together and know he was safe and human and alive. What he wants are the keys to Levi’s mask and the permission to use them.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he replies earnestly, reaching out without thinking to touch Levi’s hand only to pull back as though burnt when he realizes what he’s about to do.

“God, I’m sor--”

He doesn’t even get halfway through the apology before Levi’s hand snaps out to grab the one Eren has just pulled away, stealing his breath at the same time as any former ability he may have had to speak. Levi’s dark eyes are all for him now, full of rare and unguarded emotion as he lets the calloused pad of his thumb glide over the tops of Eren’s knuckles in a way that sends shivers racing along his arm. All the parts of Levi’s face, from the relaxed curve of his cheek to the gentle slope of his lips, illustrate some newly found certainty. He’s not trembling like Eren is. His eyes aren’t wide and surprised like Eren’s are.

Levi has made a choice.

And it’s like suddenly everything shifts again and the whole world is utterly different in the blink of an eye. This is so different from the confused way Levi had looked after their first kiss or the uncharacteristic self-consciousness back in the forest. So completely unlike the sadness and betrayal Eren had seen after he’d…he’d…

Eren doesn’t deserve that look.

“I’m an asshole!” He blurts out before he can second-guess himself and before Levi can interrupt him. “You know a-about what I accused you of after we…? Look, I was just angry and I know it isn’t true and you’re not--”

“Eren, enough. You _are_ an asshole, but I don’t give a shit about that,” Levi interrupts anyway and looks down to where his thumb is still rhythmically stroking, his fingers tightening minutely around Eren’s own. “I’m not angry.”

“You should be!”

“Well, do you want me to be?!”

The question catches him off guard and Eren begins to sputter, squeezing back on Levi's hand in an effort to center himself as though the other man were some kind of human touchstone. “Um…no? No, I really don’t. At all. I really want you to be the opposite of mad.”

“Then I’m not. End of discussion.” He shrugs nonchalantly, and with that comes the understanding that Levi is both a lot more and a lot less complicated than anyone he’s ever met.

“That easy?”

One hopeful smile.

“That easy.”

One soft nod.

Laughing in relief, his hopeful smile slowly morphs into a pleased one as Levi cautiously begins responding to it. Now that the atmosphere is washed clean again Eren is free to notice things, things like Levi’s smell and awkward smile and the fact that he hasn’t let go of Eren’s hand. They’d never held hands before. Hell, Eren has never really held hands with anyone in this context, so it’s kind of a momentous occasion for him in general. In fact, he’s so caught up in admiring the way his tanned fingers contrast with Levi’s pale ones that he doesn’t even notice the other man staring him down until it becomes like a physical touch against his skin.

Swallowing against the intensity, Eren feels his cheeks tingle in a way that quickly spreads to his ears. What the hell is Levi looking at?! Is Eren making a weird face or something? “What are you thinking about?” he asks, the changed mood making him bold again.

Something flickers brightly in the depths of Levi’s eyes. “Just that…maybe Erwin was right.”

“Huh? Right about what?”

Nothing more is said for long minutes as Levi continues staring and Eren continues getting more and more comfortable under the scrutiny. It’s not so bad now, because the longer it goes on the more easily Eren is able to recognize the internal struggle that Levi seems to be facing. Despite the effort not showing outwardly, this is still a man who never lets anyone in too close, and so revealing himself is not going to be something he gets comfortable with right away.

Eren is willing to wait in spite of his impatient nature.

“I was terrified, Eren.”

Apparently, he doesn’t have to wait long.

At first he isn’t certain what Levi is talking about, as the other man gives no further explanation other than the tightening of his jaw and the slightest twitch of his grip. It’s only when the facade begins to weaken, allowing Eren a peek into the distress lurking just beneath the surface of Levi’s mask, that he finally gets the point.

Levi was terrified for _him_ ; he’d thought Eren was going to _die_.

Tenderness gushes up like hot water somewhere in the vicinity of his heart, and he’s awash with a newfound need to…comfort. That’s the only word that springs to his mind, and in spite of the fact that he’s never been particularly good at it he wants nothing more in that moment than to soothe Levi. He can think no further than the desperate need to wipe away whatever lingering fears were still bouncing around inside him, to somehow make him feel as safe as he always made Eren. So he leans in and begins murmuring every soft word he knows, gently reassuring over and over until the older man bows down his head towards their clasped hands, the messy strands of his hair falling across Eren's skin.

God, if Eren were suicidal he’d pull Levi into his arms and hold him…

“Shut up, Jaeger!”

Levi’s lips burn when they tentatively reach out to feather against Eren’s knuckles where his thumb has just been, successfully bringing every thought process he has to a grinding halt. Eren wasn't expecting that, and from the way Levi is clenching his eyes tightly shut he obviously hadn’t been planning on doing it. But none of that stops Eren from unfurling his hand and gently cupping Levi’s cheek, letting out an internal cheer when the other man does nothing to stop him and even goes so far as to turn his face into the caress and kiss Eren’s palm. His cheek isn’t entirely smooth, a slight stubble forming on his lower chin that tickles a little and sort of makes Eren wonder what it would feel like somewhere else…

“Corporal Levi! I think we have a problem here!”

They both jump at the sound of the Corporal’s name being called out sharply from the kitchen, the man himself moving to stand without question while Eren is so startled that he forgets to let go of Levi’s hand.

“You know,” Levi says, raising up his eyebrow before gently shaking their still-joined fingers. “I’m going to need that.”

“Right!” Eren snaps out of his stupor and makes to let go, but not before giving into the temptation to dart up and give the inside of Levi's wrist a messy kiss in return for the ones he’d just received. He giggles ridiculously when the older man’s eyes widen and a light blush rises up to dust his cheeks; it makes Eren want to take a bite and see how sweet it tastes.

“Oi! Oi!” Levi rubs his returned hand vigorously against his pant leg, but there's no mistaking the way he’s fighting an almost delighted smile. He likes all this whether he wants to admit it or not, and that knowledge gives Eren a much needed ego boost. “Keep your filthy drool to yourself, brat!”

“See you later?”

“Have you always been this stupid?” Stopping in the doorway without looking back, Levi lets one delicate finger trail idly along the framework. “You’ll be seeing a lot of me later.”

With that he’s gone, and it’s all Eren can do to shove his face into the pillow before his joyful laughter draws the attention of the whole house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a very unspectacular blog with lots of dirty ereri pics along with some very unflattering shots of myself! 
> 
> Interested? 
> 
> Come visit me at: http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sheepishly comes into the room*
> 
> Hi guys. Right, so this chapter took me a really long time. In my defense, I wanted it to be super good. Not to mention I've been super busy. 
> 
> However! I think you're going to like it! I finally earned my rating!
> 
> Also, this chapter is entirely from Levi's point of view. He demanded it. I gave in willfully.

The first frost of the year arrives with a whisper, snapping against the windowpanes and dressing the dying leaves in mantles of silver and white and the faintest baby blues. 

And with its appearance, Levi makes good on his promise.

They share evenings alone in the parlor, Levi at his paperwork with Eren’s knees resting warmly across his lap, the only sounds the ones of their mingled breaths and the steady scribbling of his pencil against the paper. They intentionally spend too long at dinner, stalling until everyone else is gone so Levi can draw Eren close and talk for hours while drinking pot after pot of bitter coffee. Eren finds a strange game called checkers in the attic of the farmhouse and somehow convinces Levi to go up to the hayloft in the middle of the night to play it. Neither of them has ever seen anything like it in their entire lives, but together they manage to figure out the faded directions from the back of the box and give it a try. Or at least they’re pretty sure they’re trying it; Levi thinks it’s an absolute waste of time until Eren starts offering up his lips every time he wins a piece, eventually distracting Levi so thoroughly that he shoves the whole thing away and kisses Eren breathless. They keep at it for hours until the sun rises up over the horizon and they’re forced to crawl to breakfast exhausted and grinning.

Eren does most of the grinning.

And that’s what this is really about, isn’t it? Making a few memories with him so that he has something in reserve for when the goddamn world finally comes to steal everything else away? Yeah, that’s what it’s about…but that’s not what it’s _all_ about. Hidden down deep where he’s buried the vast majority of his emotions, Levi knows that he’s doing this just as much for himself as for Eren. Back when he’d been a teenager he was too busy drinking sewer water and ignoring hunger pangs to worry about something as meaningless as falling in love. It’s only now, at what is probably the most inappropriate time in his entire life, that he’s willing to allow himself to explore the possibility that it may not be as meaningless as he’d previously thought.

There really are a hundred very good reasons why a thirty-four year old man should not be pursuing a teenager’s affections the way he is, but every time Levi tries to talk himself out of doing so he _remembers_. He remembers the way Eren had frantically thrown himself in harm’s way, as though nothing in the entirety of the world was as important to him as Levi’s life. He remembers Eren’s blood oozing bright and red down his forehead, standing out in stark contrast to the sickly pallor of his skin as they’d journeyed home. He remembers the way abject panic had risen in his throat for the first time in years, the way imagining a world in which he’d never see Eren open his eyes again had terrified him to the point of nausea.

It made him realize that in spite of those reasons, what he’d really wanted was another opportunity to kiss Eren’s lips. What he’d really wanted was another chance to hold him close and bask in his warmth and to remember what it felt like to be alive. Hell, maybe Levi needed to learn how live from step one. He’d devoted everything over the last decade to eradicating titans from the world, to getting revenge for the things they’d stolen from him; it’s slowly dawning on him that he’s neglected to be a person at the same time.

Maybe Eren could do something about it…

*****

_A breeze smelling of oncoming rain had rustled through the trees, blowing Levi’s hair back from his face while he’d shamelessly watched Eren pack up camp from the night before. There had been something mesmerizing about the way he’d been bent over, something beautiful about the delicate curve of his spine and the way his thighs tensed up when he lifted the saddle onto Levi’s mare. Eren was quickly growing into himself, his shoulders filling out as he grew taller with every passing month._

_Soon he’d be towering over Levi just like everybody else._

_“He’s lovely.” Erwin had said quietly, forcing Levi to keep calm despite the way his heart leapt up into his throat at the implication. Still, it was a struggle to keep from blushing, to control the emotions he’d already been caught indulging. Of course he’d been too obvious about it…but what point was there in hiding when the damn man always knew everything?_

_Crossing his arms over his chest, Levi looked out toward the open plain and the storm brewing in the distance, steadfastly ignoring the way Erwin was leaning over him. “What the hell are you on about?”_

_“You fancy him.”_

_Levi had always hated that shit-eating grin Erwin wore whenever he thought he was being clever; it was particularly bad when he’d somehow managed to correctly interpret Levi’s intentions. It must have given him an intellectual boner or something._

_“There’s nothing wrong. No one else has managed to pique your interest like this in all the time I’ve known you.”_

_“Stop being a gossip,” Levi snapped with a dismissive snort, turning away his whole body only to whip it back just as fast when his eyes landed on Eren. “Don’t you have something you should be doing?”_

_There were precious few people in the world whom Levi allowed to touch him; Erwin had somehow managed to weasel his way onto that list over the course of the years. Levi trusted him implicitly, and so he dutifully tolerated the brotherly pat to his shoulder while simultaneously cursing the fact that he’d become so worn down that it was almost comforting._

_Almost._

_“He’s a good match for you.” Erwin laughs when Levi rolls his eyes. “He is! You two are surprisingly alike.”_

_Levi hadn’t known what to say to that and so said nothing, drawing his crossed arms under his cloak so the other man couldn’t see how tightly he was hugging himself. Alike? Levi couldn’t see it. Eren was fiery life; Levi was icy death. What could they possibly have in common other than the shitty way the world had treated them up to that point? What was similar about them other than the fact that they were both probably going to die?_

_A flare had shot up from Erwin’s convoy at the edge of the forest and he’d turned to leave, but not before glancing back over his shoulder with an annoyingly knowing expression. “You know, someone very wise once told me that a person should always try to make the decision that they’ll regret the least.”_

_“How badly will you regret this one, Levi?”_

_*****_

“Smug bastard,” Levi mutters to himself, nestling back into his pillows before stretching out his knees until they crack and his leg starts to ache. The worn quilt bunches up between his bare toes as he takes a deep breath, reaching out blindly for the steaming cup of tea resting on his bedside table.

They’d moved a small stove into Levi’s quarters the night before, setting the room aglow with a steady warmth that easily wards off the first snow’s chill dancing just outside the windowpane. The delicate flakes pile on the sill, their sharp scent drifting through the drafty glass panels to mingle with the smell of burning wood in a way that makes Levi want to roll over and hibernate for a few months.

It would all be perfectly cozy if not for the fact that he’s pining for Eren so bad it’s pathetic.

The younger man had been out in the forest training since early that morning, his concussion long since having healed enough that he could participate without reinjuring himself. It was the first time they’d been apart for more than a few hours in weeks, and Levi was almost humiliated to admit how much he was missing the companionship. It was boring and lonely without Eren around, even if it was usually Eren doing most of the talking.

Though Levi, much to his surprise, had discovered that he liked listening to Eren talk.

Eren is full of dreams, full of life, and overflowing with stupid ideas; the tragic circumstances of his story hadn’t turned his emotions inward the way they had for Levi. Somehow he still simmers with an enthusiasm that is infectious, and it makes Levi feel so alive that he’d originally been shocked at the realization of how dead he’d become. All this time he’d thought that the freedom of the outside world could be enough to keep him going, that slowly getting his revenge on the titans could be the endless catalyst propelling him forward…but it couldn’t. Eren is different. Eren is like a fire for Levi to put his hands up to, a steady blaze to thaw him after years of being out in the cold.

He’d be damned if he said any of this out loud though.

He’s just in the process of gathering up his knitting needles between his fingers when there’s a hesitant knock at the door, startling him from his thoughts so completely that he nearly stabs himself in the process. Who could that be? Eren had gone to bed an hour ago, exhausted from training, and no one else had the nerve to bother Levi for useless nonsense at this hour.

Setting down his half-knitted scarf, Levi rises stiffly from the bed, his toes curling against the cold floor as he makes his way to the door. Pausing with one hand on the knob, he wraps the other around the hilt of a spare sword he always keeps propped up against the wall for emergencies. “State your business,” he calls.

“Levi?” Eren’s voice comes softly from the other side, low and groggy as though he’d just woken up. “Can I come in?” he continues, and Levi detects a hint of uncertainty in his tone that reminds him Eren hasn’t actually been in his quarters since he’d broken into them weeks ago.  It was sort of a touchy subject. They hadn’t discussed it since it happened.

Well, it didn’t matter anymore anyway.

Opening the door, Levi can’t help the small smile that lifts the corners of his lips as he takes in the sight before him. Eren looks for all the world like an overgrown five-year-old, hair standing up at every angle imaginable and pajamas bunching up around his waist when he scratches at the small of his back. Bleary and tousled, he yawns and gives a dopey smile, needing nothing more than a stuffed animal tucked under his arm to complete the illusion of a sleepy child; the thought makes Levi feel like even more of an old pervert than he already does and so he tries not to imagine it too hard.

Glancing back towards the open chest in the corner (he’d had his knitting in there) he takes a deep breath and swings the door wider so that Eren can enter. “Well, don’t just stand there with your thumb up your ass; you’re letting out the warm air.”

Eren shuffles in quickly, eyes flicking down to the sword in Levi’s hand. “Who did you think it was? Ahhh, it feels so good in here…”

“How should I know? I thought you were asleep.” The heavy thunk of the metal handle being set back against the wall is loud in the sudden silence. “And who else is dumb enough to bother me in the middle of the night other than you?”

Already having taken up residence in front of the stove, Eren turns and lifts up his top so that his butt is perched precariously near the heat. Sighing happily, he closes his eyes and tilts back his head, leaving Levi ogle him in relative peace. “Sorry about that. I just woke up and realized I hadn’t seen you all day and I just…I mean…”

“It’s fine.” He sidles in close enough that their shoulders are touching, quickly rubbing his hands together in front of the fire to ease the chill on his skin. “I don’t mind.”

“No?”

“Not at all.” 

“Oh.” A quick kiss on the cheek. “Good.”

Fighting off a blush, Levi waves him off and moves back to the bed, resituating himself the way he was before. When Eren remains by the fire he grabs up his discarded knitting and counts down the stitches so that he can pick up where he left off, taking his time to move his hands back into proper position. Levi had taken up the hobby years ago but had never really gotten any better at it; still, the way the yarn slides through his fingers has always made him feel calm. It’s easy to synchronize his breathing to the even in and out of the stitch, to lose himself in the smooth rhythm he creates.

“You really _do_ knit!”

The mattress dips down as Eren perches himself on the edge, his gentle laughter prompting Levi to roll his eyes.  “Obviously,” he replies, holding up the poor excuse for a scarf to the light so that Eren can see it better.

“My mom used to do that, too.”

“Did she?”

“…yeah.”

Eren’s eyes go glassy and dull, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he isn’t really seeing much anymore. Levi knows what that’s like. It doesn’t matter that he’s learned how to hide it; there were always going to be times when the past flashed before his waking eyes, when he had to excuse himself to privacy so that he could shake off his ghosts in peace. Time didn’t erase the pain, only dulled the ache.

“Oi, Eren.” He awkwardly opens his arms when he notices the unconscious shiver beginning in Eren’s shoulders. “C’mere.”

It takes a few more tries to get his attention but Eren eventually makes his way into Levi’s embrace, pressing his cheek to Levi’s collarbone with an intensity that speaks volumes for how badly he needs the affection. In truth, Levi has never been any good at this sort of thing; his fingers are clumsy when they card through Eren’s hair and his voice is embarrassingly unsure when he murmurs whatever stupid shit comes to his head. He knows he’s terrible at it. But he tries his best for Eren’s sake until the clouds clear from his eyes like the end of a summer storm and he presents Levi with the kind of smile that makes his heart stutter in reply.

“How did you do this to me?” he whispers, feeling like something cold is melting down into his stomach, like he doesn’t know whether he wants to laugh or cry.

“Do what, Le -- ow, ow ow!” Eren’s eye widen as he rises up and tugs the knitting needles from where they’re poking him in the side. “Your stick things are stabbing me!”

“Stick things? They’re called needles, dipshit.”

“Well, how should I know?!”

“Here.” Levi spreads his legs and manhandles Eren until his back is pressed against Levi’s front; he has to scoot upwards slightly lest he be suffocated by the taller man’s shoulder blades. “I’ll show you.”

Their fingers tangle together in the yarn, Levi giving instructions as best he can while murmuring praises when deserved and slapping Eren’s hand when he makes a mistake. All the while their breathing slowly begins to synchronize, their chests rising and falling at the same even pace as Eren quickly learns where and when to put his fingers. Soon he’s doing it on his own, allowing Levi wrap his arms around Eren’s middle and rest his chin against his shoulder. It’s easier to watch Eren’s face from this vantage point, to stare at the way his eyes bore down on their task with a single-minded determination.

It’s how Eren does everything.

Long minutes pass, and with their passage Levi becomes more and more aware of the positioning of their bodies, of the way they’re slotting together just so. He’s no saint, and the way Eren is unconsciously rubbing himself all along Levi’s front and pushing his ass into his crotch is becoming hard to ignore. There’s a heat building up between them, and despite the fact that Levi knows it isn’t intentional and what they’re doing is innocent, he can’t help the way he’s reacting to it.  

“Levi?”

Without his realizing it, the motion of Eren’s hands have stilled, his body gone tense with some strange mix of anxiousness and anticipation.

There is an _atmosphere_.

Levi isn’t stupid…he knows this feeling and has felt it plenty of times before, but there is the looming question of timing hanging over his head. He and Eren have come close at least a dozen times, soft kisses morphing into petting so heavy that they’d only barely kept from tearing each other’s clothes off. But each time, no matter how much he’d wanted to, Levi knew something hadn’t been right. Something had been off. Eren wasn’t someone to simply roll around in the sack with; Levi wanted more than just a fuck.

He wants…he wants…

Levi takes the half-knit scarf and lets it fall to the floor, turning Eren in his arms so that he can feel the quickening thump of his heart against his own ribcage. His cheek is smooth and warm in Levi’s palm when he draws their faces in close together, smiling gently at the way Eren’s jaw is quickly dropping. He’s nervous, that much Levi can see clearly, but underneath that?

There’s something sparking in those perfect green eyes.

Grabbing tightly to Eren’s jaw with both hands, he holds him immobile for a long while, watching Eren watch him while waiting for him to make the first move. It has to come from Eren. Levi wants there to be no question of desire, no regrets to haunt them later on down the road, no second-guessing. He’s been celibate for years and a few more months wouldn’t kill him. Having Eren regret something like this probably would.

He doesn’t have to wait long.

Eren’s mouth sears against his own, shoving him back onto the pillows with its force and stealing his breath with its intensity. This feels new. There’s something different in this meeting of lips, an urgency that hasn’t been there before, even when they’d come so close to intimacy in the past.

“You ready?” Levi whispers against Eren’s mouth. It is a statement moreso than a question, and he takes a great deal of delight in the way Eren’s lips quiver against his own in reply.

The quick nod he receives is all the incentive he needs to arch his body upwards, sending his hands on a journey down Eren’s back to grab handfuls of his ass as the two of them meet again in a messy kiss. Saliva smears across their lips and they take gasping breaths whenever they can at the corner of each other’s mouths, Eren pulling away to whimper when Levi uses the grip on his backside to drag him down between his legs and grind their growing erections together.

Unexpectedly, Eren’s mouth descends to Levi’s exposed throat to set teeth into the skin, startling him momentarily before he realizes how good the pain actually feels. It’s been so long since anyone has had him this way, since he’s felt comfortable enough to lie beneath someone and let himself be had. His personality wasn’t exactly the submissive type, but that didn’t mean he never felt that way. It was all a matter of finding the right person, and Levi had never found that person.

Until now.

A warm tongue laps at the spot where teeth have just been, soothing the sting into a dull throb that makes Levi crave the feeling all over his body. It almost startles him how much he suddenly aches for it, how much his heart pounds for it and his mind goes fuzzy wanting it. So he tries to make the idea a reality, fumbling down to peel his shirt off before grinning playfully up at Eren when he does the same to his own.

“You know,” Eren murmurs, smiling in a way that makes Levi’s stomach flip as he dips down to tease along an exposed nipple. God, that’s good. It’s like the kid’s whole body is a furnace, burning hot like cinder against Levi’s hypersensitive skin. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Levi takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes as Eren begins traveling further south, reaching up to grip the pillow behind his head when a tongue teases wetly between the spaces of his stomach muscles. It’s an almost ticklish sensation; Eren is a curious explorer, testing new waters in an untried but innately fearless way.

“Look,” he murmurs finally, pausing for breathe when Eren noses aside the waistband of his bottoms to gives his hipbone a suck so hard he knows it will bruise. Eren is marking his territory; realizing that makes Levi flush so hotly he breaks out in a sweat. “If I wanted someone with more experience, don’t you think I could have had them by now?”

“That’s what I mean.” Eren’s reply is soft and without any eye contact. “You could have anyone. I mean, you’re _you_.”

It makes Levi wince to hear those words, to listen to the tone of Eren’s voice and know that somewhere in his ridiculous head he thinks he isn’t good enough. What a load of bullshit. Doesn’t he see how desperately enamored Levi is of him? Doesn’t he get how deep Levi has fallen without meaning to? Blinking back the emotion pooling at the corner of his eyes, Levi draws Eren close in an effort to soothe them both, brushing his lips gently under each green eye in turn.

“And yet here we are.”

The smile bestowed upon him in reply borders on the beatific, and the way it makes Levi’s heart falter makes him return it so widely that his cheeks hurt a little. Probably from lack of use, he thinks, his hands skimming along the quivering muscles of Eren’s lower back as his face is peppered with affectionate kisses from above.

It doesn’t take long to reach the waistband of Eren’s pajama pants, and once he does Levi wastes no time in getting rid of them, grinning at the wets spot he feels when he drops them to the floor. “Excited?” he asks with a soft laugh that quickly turns into a moan when Eren manages to wrestle Levi’s own bottoms off and their bodies make full contact.

“Are you kidding?! Look at you.”

Levi feels his cheeks heat up and tries to cover it up with words. “Hmph. You’re no slouch in the looks department either.”

But there are no words to describe the almost animalistic growl that rumbles out of Eren’s throat to purr against his ear, sending shivers all along his arms and legs to settle into a wicked throb between his legs. God, this boy is beautiful, perched over him like some kind of damn god, all warm sugar skin and damp hair, his gaze raking along Levi’s naked body like he’s found some kind of priceless treasure.

Levi has never had _anyone_ look at him like that.

He can’t handle that kind of scrutiny for long -it makes him feel too exposed- and so he plunges fingers back into Eren’s hair and forcefully mashes their lips together. Instantly the younger man is rocking against him, urgently rubbing his erection onto Levi’s thigh so that precome smears along their skin in hot streaks that cool with every pass. Riding the rhythm as best he can, Levi holds tight, feeling his biceps tremble with the effort while his fingertips make nonsense patterns through the sweat on Eren’s skin.

_Just like that. Just like that._

He begins muttering half-formed praises under his breath as the first flutters of pleasure tremble through his stomach, instinct urging him to spread his thighs wider to allow for more contact and to wrap one leg around Eren’s thigh to keep him where Levi wants him most. They could just do this and he would be completely satisfied, pressing together for hours, pushing and grinding against one another to their completion; Levi would say it had been the best night of his life.

Or at least that’s what he’d say to himself.

“Ahhh shit, Eren!”

Eren jerks away at the loud proclamation of his name, his eyes wide and startled over drawn in eyebrows, mouth swollen in a way that makes Levi want to chase it. What’s wrong, he almost asks, but he’s too busy being devoured by Eren’s gaze, too busy trying to relearn how to breathe. The motion of the other man’s body has stilled, but the faint vibration in his muscles tells Levi that the calm is coming at a price.

“No, no,” Eren whispers at last, his voice trembling with a desire that makes Levi’s cock twitch in appreciation. “Not like that. I want…I mean…we might not get a lot of chances to…god, Levi, I don’t…”

Levi rolls his eyes good-naturedly and licks a long line up Eren’s throat to nestle his nose in the soft hair behind his ear. “You don’t even know what you want, do you?”

“I know I want you…”

And you know what? That seems like a lovely idea to Levi. In fact, Eren getting between his legs seems like everything he's never known he wanted. So, in an effort to get them going in that direction as soon as possible, he scoots himself down just a bit further and spreads his thighs wide in a blatant invitation. Surely, even someone as occasionally obtuse as Eren Jaeger could not confuse that signal.

“Yes.”

“W-what?! But--!”

“Eren!” Levi’s patience splinters and he rushes to dig all ten fingernails into the backs of Eren’s thighs, bodily shoving his cock into the crack of Levi’s ass to rub against his opening; somehow he manages to keep his voice level in spite of the way his insides are coiling so tight that it makes him want to scream in frustration. “I want it, goddamn it! There’s balm in the table. Hurry up!”

Eren reacts as though having been given a direct order, fumbling for the drawer while Levi presses frantic kisses along whatever skin he can reach, eventually biting a trail up to Eren’s throat that matches the one down on Levi’s hips. Thankfully it takes only seconds for Eren to return, his trembling fingers dipping into the small tin of balm before nervously reaching down, down, down...

“God, I can’t believe you’re really letting me do this,” Eren says under his breath, boldly rubbing the pad of his thumb against Levi’s opening so that the balm spreads thick and cool along the puckered skin. Cocking up his hips in a wordless reply, Levi gives a shaky smile and gets himself as comfortable as possible for Eren’s questing fingers.

The next few minutes are awkward and fumbling, but between Levi’s complaints that Eren should clip his nails shorter and Eren apologizing at least a dozen times they get where they need to be. Soon Levi is a panting mess, mouth hanging open as Eren’s fingers thrust with increasing speed and force inside of him, embarrassing noises cascading from him each time Eren gets the spot just right. In and out. Each push and glide breaking down not only his body’s resistance but his mind’s as well, spreading him wide in a way he hasn’t been before.

 _Eren is like a fire for Levi to put his hands up to_ …

Nothing else matters anymore; Eren is holding his knees apart and asking permission one last time despite the fact that Levi has to read his lips to know that due to his heart pounding in his ears so loudly. The first push of Eren’s dick inside of him takes care of that problem though; it’s uncomfortable at best, aching at worst, but the burning stretch is tolerable and certainly not the most painful thing Levi has ever experienced in his entire life. It’s completely worth it to hear the broken way Eren moans his name and watch him tip back his head, to see the way sweat drips down his throat to glisten in the curve of his collarbone.

If Levi could move he’d lick it off, taste the salt and bask in the physical proof of Eren’s arousal.

Their rhythm develops slowly -Eren being oh-so-gentle while Levi pretends he doesn’t appreciate it- until they’re rocking together with relative ease. After a few moments of lying back to accustom himself, Levi rises up onto his elbows, staring down at the way Eren’s cock slides in and out of his body, mentally connecting that to the feeling of it rubbing his insides. Heat sizzles up his spine when Eren shifts and gets the angle just right, the sensation drawing a startled moan that is quickly echoed by one of Eren’s own, the duet of their mounting pleasure off tune but perfect.

“O-oh, my! Shit!” Levi tugs him down and brushes their forehead together, panting so heavily through his mouth that he can feel it bounce back off Eren’s face and hit his cheeks, so close that he can see the raw emotion reflected in Eren’s eyes.

But Levi can tell the younger man is holding back, can feel it in the careful way he’s pistoning back and forth, in the way he’s schooling his breath and his body. That’s not what Levi wants! However, seeing as he can’t form a complete sentence right now, he has to express it with his body instead; so he rolls his hips with more force against Eren’s in an effort to increase their tempo, he moans and consciously squeezes Eren’s cock with his inner walls in an effort to make him lose control. He even tries scraping his nails across Eren’s shoulder blades, earning an impassioned cry but little else. Amazingly, none of it works, and when Levi falls back with a breathy moan he resorts to slapping Eren’s ass so hard that he’s sure it stings.

“Levi! What the he--”

“I…have not had sex with anyone in years!” He struggles to speak, and his voice cracks and breaks with every word. “I’m not fucking expecting you to last! Shit, I’m not going to last! Come on, Eren!”

The spark that Levi saw earlier in Eren’s eyes erupts into an inferno, and his expression settles into one of intent before he reaches down to fist the sheets to either side of Levi’s body. “Hold onto me,” he breathes into Levi ear, and the serious tone of his voice has him believing that Eren might just mean it and so does as he’s told with an anticipatory shiver.

The rest is a blur.

Eren thrusts forward with newfound vigor, slamming into Levi with such force that he’s rocked up onto his shoulders, his knees bending so close to his chest that he struggles to hook his feet around Eren’s hips. Apparently the kid hadn’t been joking when he’d said to hold on, because it’s all Levi can do now to anchor himself, biting down into a tanned shoulder to muffle his screams as Eren fucks him roughly and without hesitation. God! This was more like it! Suddenly it’s all blistering heat and delicious spasms and the sound of skin slapping together and the bed creaking dangerously beneath them. But it's also so much more. It’s  sweet affection and new connections and unheard of intimacy and a strange tenderness despite the almost violent way they’re now coupling. It’s like absolutely nothing Levi has ever experienced before, and if he could think in anything other than curse words and monosyllabic grunts he would complain about how cheated he’d been by his previous lovers.

None of them held a candle to Eren.

“Oh god, I-I’m right there!” Eren cries out directly into Levi’s ear, though in warning or simple joy he isn’t quite sure.

Climax approaches swiftly for them both after that; Levi hears it the moment Eren’s cries become urgently high pitched and his hips stutter in their rhythm before faltering out altogether. He can feel it in the way Eren is smothering Levi in his embrace, burying his face in his neck as he sobs out Levi’s name over and over again. Levi follows suit shortly thereafter, almost painful tremors of pleasure causing him to wrench his head back and forth on the pillow, toes curling as his jaw goes slack and words he hopes Eren isn’t listening to come pouring from his lips. Every conscious thought he’s seemingly ever had is wiped clean, everything narrowing down into one brilliantly intense band of ecstasy, and for the first time since Levi can remember he isn’t in control of anything and doesn’t give a shit about it.

It’s perfect; how could you regret a decision like this?

As reality returns, Levi winces as his injured leg gives a painful throb, forcing him to consciously unclench his legs from where they’ve become vice-like around Eren’s hips. Every muscle from his waist down hollers in protest, places he isn’t sure have ever been sore complaining about the rough treatment they’d just received. He feels every single one of his thirty-four years, and if you’d asked him he would have said he really feels about sixty.

How the hell is he going to keep up with a horny-ass fifteen year old?

“You…okay?” Eren gasps beside him, pushing his soaked bangs up off his forehead with a sheepish smile; it’s only then that Levi realizes he must be making some kind of face. “Did I hurt you?”

Laughter, warm and liquid, rises up to fill him from the soles of his feet to the tips of his hair, washing his whole body in an odd sense of peace. When was the last time he’d been this relaxed? Ever?

“I’m fine,” he whispers, rolling over to curl against Eren’s side when he pulls from Levi’s body with a disgusting wet sound punctuated by a tiny whimper. “So…how was your first time?”

Eren sputters, blushing bright red as he waves his hands in an utterly ridiculous fashion that Levi supposes is intended to display his feelings on the matter. It’s utterly charming though, the sweet way he’s shy despite having been balls deep in Levi’s ass only moments earlier. It must have been damned good; even a chatterbox like Eren doesn’t seem to have the words to describe it.

Neither does Levi.

“Yeah,” he says around a yawn, draping his arm over Eren’s waist to snuggle in while vehemently ignoring the filthy feeling between his asscheeks. It can wait. Everything can wait. Everything but Eren and their goddamn afterglow. They’ve earned it. Eren, for his part, stops trying to speak and sighs like a sap, rubbing his cheek gently against the top of Levi’s head as his fingers dance up and down his spine.

“I feel the same way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You like smutty pictures of Levi and Eren? You like awkward selfies of me in my pajamas? I thought so. 
> 
> Come visit me at: http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com


	12. Interlude Levi #3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this wasn't supposed to actually be a chapter, but this Levi interlude wound up being so long that I decided to make it one! I think it works out relatively well, in truth. If I hadn't, chapter twelve would just be MASSIVE and I don't want to make you guys wait a month! XD!! So enjoy a little more Levi POV before we switch back to Eren for what will probably be the rest of the story. I'm not really sure. I'm playing this by ear, guys. XD!!
> 
> The final story arc approaches! I'm so excited!

It doesn’t take long for Levi to realize that he keeps up just fine.

“ _God_ ,” Eren breathes, trembling thighs spread wide to either side of Levi’s hips and head thrown back so that his entire body is put on glorious display. Every inch of his tanned skin glistens with sweat and come, purpling bruises blossoming on his hipbones where Levi’s fingertips still dig in possessively. Eren moves to cover them with his own and gives each one a gentle squeeze, his head tilting forward so that Levi can see the satisfied smile turning up his lips moments before he collapses forward into his arms. They stay that way for a long while, heartbeats returning to normal as they relearn how to breathe.

These times –the ones where the fire between them is quelled and there’s nothing but the soft press of his lover’s body against his own- are the ones Levi likes best. He feels like someone important when they’re together like this, like he belongs somewhere. Nothing can replace his duty as a soldier and Levi has long since accepted that, but in one short month everything seems to have shifted a few degrees so that nothing is exactly like it was before. Eren has changed everything.

Fuck…he’s turning into a sap.

“What’s that face for?” Eren whispers, laughing softly when Levi rolls them both to their sides and begins kissing down his neck. “You looked a hundred miles away.”

He shakes his head and doesn’t answer, pausing momentarily over Eren’s heart to feel it beating against his lips before traveling further down to the plane of his stomach. The muscles quiver when he brushes his cheek along them, and he pulls back in amusement when the faintest hint of grumbling erupts from within. “Hungry?” he asks, sitting up on his knees to glance at the darkened window. “I guess we did miss dinner.”

“We’ve missed a lot of meals lately.” Eren grins and stretches back idly against the pillows, gazing through his bangs in a way that makes Levi throb deliciously all over.

“Yeah.”

Another rumbling ruins the mood entirely and the younger man’s façade of sensuality fades away, replaced quickly by the demanding and petulant teenager he really is. “I’m hungry, Corporal.” His bottom lip pops out and Levi just knows he’s about to be a spoiled brat. “Would you go and get us something?”

“What’s stopping you?” He tries to remain impassive even though he’s already moving towards the edge of the bed.

“I’m sore!”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Yours!”

Can’t really argue with that, he thinks, shuffling on a pair of pants before looking back over his shoulder when he feels himself being stared at. Eren sits cross-legged in the middle of the bed, blankets tumbling about his waist so that one hipbone is peeking out alluringly from the folds; it’s all Levi can do not to crawl back in and lick the faint trail of hair leading down beneath the sheets. “You must think you have me wrapped around your finger,” he says instead, not bothering with a shirt on his way to the door.

“Don’t I?” A blush rises up onto the apple of Eren’s cheeks as though he can’t believe what he’s just said, and Levi has to hide the responding smile behind his hand. Because despite the newness of their relationship and his obvious inexperience, Eren has been unexpectedly good about keeping duty and pleasure separate. In truth, most of the time he barely acts as though anything has changed between them at all when the others were present. It puts Levi at ease, gives him some breathing room, and he’s relatively sure that it’s intentional on Eren’s part.

It’s…thoughtful.

Levi glares without any real heat before grabbing his lantern and ignoring the question entirely. “Rest your ass, little prince.” He bristles at the cold blast of air that hits him in the face the moment he opens the door. Maybe he should rethink that shirt. “I’m not through with you yet.”

The hallway is dark and silent as he passes through it, pausing only briefly to press his ear against the dormitory door to check on the rest of the squad. When things seem fine he continues on, but as he approaches the kitchen he falters at the entryway, eyes narrowing suspiciously. There’s a faint glow coming from inside -perhaps the light of a single candle- and that is something that most definitely shouldn’t be there. It had been hours since lights out. Was it that damn Blaus girl again? Levi was going to cut off her pinky fingers if she didn’t stop stealing food in the middle of the night.

But it isn’t Blaus.

Her eyes glitter like polished steel as they bore into him from across the light of her candle, her expression one of extreme boredom. She’s really a lot like him, and that being the case there’s no point in reminding her of curfew as she’ll only ignore anything he says.

“Ackerman.” He nods once before moving about the business of finding Eren and himself something to eat, feeling his own stomach give a little grumble. Her gaze follows him intently as he does so, and it takes everything he has not to turn around and start some shit. He won’t do it, of course. This is Eren’s sister, someone that he’s close to, and despite Levi knowing how badly she’s spoiling for a fight, he isn’t going to give her one.

He’s supposed to be the adult here.

It doesn’t take long for Levi to gather up some things from his stash in the back of the cabinet (of course he hoards food, he grew up on the streets) and make his way back towards the door. In fact, he’s all but forgotten Ackerman until she’s there blocking his way, clearly attempting to fill up as much space as possible with willpower alone. Here it is. He’s been expecting this for weeks; he’s surprised that she’s only confronting him now. There had been numerous other opportunities and Levi isn’t sure what she’s been waiting for, but he can see the words forming in her eyes now, the contempt in the set of her shoulders.

“What does he see in you?” she says at last, her voice barely above a whisper.

It’s a good question; it’s the same one that Levi has been asking himself every day for the past month. Every time Eren wakes up next to him, naked and warm and alive, Levi wonders what the hell he could have done to deserve it. Sure, Eren is no saint, no angel, no perfect human being…but Levi doesn’t really like that sort of thing anyway. He likes Eren raw and real and beautifully flawed.

“I have absolutely no idea,” he replies, shrugging off the question as nonchalantly as possible. There’s probably more that he could say, but he chooses to bite his tongue. This young woman standing in front of him isn’t just Eren’s sister but a fellow solider, someone that Levi admires. She’s strong and skilled and willful; perhaps she’ll be the one to replace him when he finally meets the wrong end of a titan. Who knew?

Either way... “I don’t want to argue with you.”

Her eyes narrow further, though Levi wouldn’t have thought it possible. “Then you should have left him alone to begin with.” The tip of her finger juts out, almost touching Levi’s bare chest but not quite doing so, as though she’s nervous to bridge the last distance and actually put hands on him. “Eren seems to care about you, but if you hurt him--”

“You’ll hurt me?” Levi interrupts, his voice slightly louder than he’d planned, more of a snap than anything else. “Ackerman, you may as well do it now then.”

Her arms fall to her sides, her entire body radiating confusion in a way that doesn’t seem comfortable. What had she been expecting, he wonders, cocking his head to the side. For him to tell her comfortable lies? That he'll never hurt Eren, never make him cry, never do something stupid? That’s not his style; what he’s saying is the truth and they both need to know it. “Look, I’m an asshole,” he continues, “and as long as Eren and I are together I know I’m going to hurt him.”

It looks as though her temper might be flaring again until Levi shakes his head to stop her. There’s no point in all that crap. He and Eren are both too volatile to be a couple without some kind of subsequent uproar, but that didn’t mean Levi wasn’t going to try his best even if his best might not always be enough. “But I also know I’m going to fix it every time I do.”

That seems to give her pause, and a strange internal war flashes across her face so quickly that he wonders if he really saw it at all. Levi knows none of this is easy on her, and he’s often wondered if it wouldn’t be better for him to step aside and let her have the chance with Eren that she clearly wants. Her protectiveness toward him, while familial, is also deep in the same way that Levi’s feelings are. She’d probably be better for him, give him some kind of real life.

But Levi is too selfish, and he’s come to care for Eren too much to give him up.

“Do you love him?” she asks, her voice just this side of sad.

There are really no good answers for that, Levi thinks, because there aren’t enough words for it. Yes, Levi loves him, but that couldn’t possibly be an adequate description for what he’s actually experiencing. It’s too lame, used too often, has lost its meaning. What Levi feels is more than that. He breathes Eren; what’s the word for a human being who is like the thread holding together all your bloody wounds?

Whatever she sees on his face must be good enough for her, because Ackerman is just moving to the side to let Levi pass when…

The quiet of the night explodes.

It’s like the entire side of the house has just been ripped from its foundation as the floor shakes and bucks beneath him, the sickening shattering of wood and glass driving Levi’s heart up into his throat. Whatever it is…it came from _his_ room. It came from Eren.The tray smashes at his feet moments before he sprints full speed down the hallway, forgetting everything else in his haste and not caring about the shouting he can hear from outside or the ominous figures casting long shadows through the windows.

It’s coming from Eren.

Finally reaching his room after what seems like miles, his mouth falls open as he throws open the door to reveal the chaos waiting within. Snow spills in white lines across his floor from where it’s been blown in through the giant gash in the far wall, the remnants of his bed strewn about so that it’s hard to find Eren in the frenzy. Dying embers from the stove litter the ground, glowing like orange stars in the corners of the room before dying out and floating away.

“Eren!” he shouts upon seeing him, heedless of the broken glass biting into the soles of his feet when he steps forward to help.

The younger man shakes his head sharply and doesn’t turn, his gaze focused on the danger, entirely consumed so that no words seem to reach him. In one hand is Levi’s spare sword while the other is a ragged mess, mangled to the point that the blood is dripping down his fingers to puddle in the gathering snow. It’s as though Eren had bitten himself repeatedly, tried over and over to transform like when he'd been down in the well...except this is different somehow. This isn’t the same, and the proof of that is written all over Eren’s face, plain in the faint trembling of his grip as he holds out Levi’s sword in a defensive stance.

He’s _terrified_.

It’s only then that Levi becomes aware of the other presence in the room, just barely able to believe his eyes when they land on a strange, hairy face looming outside what used to be his bedroom window. As though on cue it leans in a little further and blinks at him, reaching up to brush a long finger across its nose as though it’s scratching an itch. What the hell?! This thing isn’t like any titan that Levi has ever seen, a horrifying intelligence lurking in its gaze that roots him to the spot, that makes every alarm bell go off at once. They stare at each other for what seems like forever, a strange dread rising up in Levi’s belly until all his breath rushes out of him in one fell swoop, leaving him feeling empty and confused.

“Stay back, Levi!”

It’s the sound of Eren’s voice that snaps him out of it, that breaks through the bewilderment and centers him again. Gritting his teeth, he swallows down the fear, burying it deep where he can't feel it anymore before covering it with a burning cold outrage. This bastard is here for Eren. It has the goddamn audacity to come into their bedroom and try to snatch him away in the night like a fucking thief. To take away what belongs to Levi. And he doesn’t care if he has to resort to using teeth and nails, he is not going to let Eren be stolen away from him.

One giant hand reaches forward at the same time Levi lunges.

Here's hoping he has any teeth left by the end of this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like pictures of pretty boys, how about you? :D
> 
> Come visit me at: http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thankfully, my classes are almost over, so soon I'll be back to writing this story full time rather than the pathetic way i'm updating it now! XD!
> 
> In this chapter we're back to Eren, and I can say with some sincerity that i've missed the psycho. He's a loony, but I love him. 
> 
> Anyway! As usual, all mistakes are my own and please forgive me! Loves to you! Hope you like!

_10 minutes earlier…_

Being a titan is a mixed blessing.

On the one hand, Eren is able to heal almost any injury, which comes in pretty handy when you’re doing things like losing limbs all the time. But when Levi closes the door and he’s left alone to get comfortable against the pillows, he can’t help but think it has some downsides as well. The marks that Levi left on his body are already fading away, vanishing into his skin so that when he runs fingertips along the insides of his thighs he can just barely feel where the other man’s mouth has been. He would have preferred they last a little longer, to give him time to feel their lingering burn under his clothes, to appreciate the sense of belonging they bring.

Sighing, he smiles into sheets that still smell strongly of soap, feeling every muscle become heavy as he melts into the mattress below him. The last month, despite the trouble of keeping their new relationship as undercover as possible, has probably been the best of Eren’s life. He can’t remember a time when he’s been so happy; he can’t recall being so content or feeling so safe. No one ever told him falling in love would be like this, and it’s almost too easy to forget what they’re actually supposed to be doing out here when he’s spending all his spare time in Levi’s arms.

That doesn’t, however, mean he’s actually forgotten.

In truth, it’s making the need to eliminate the titans even more pressing than before, quickly taking the place of the vengeance he’s thirsted for since the death of his mother. As angry as he still is and as much as he might want something to point it at, all that pales in comparison to the desperate need he feels to protect, to create a world where the person he loves won’t be hurt. Levi may be humanity’s strongest solider, but that didn’t mean he was perfect. It didn’t mean he couldn’t be injured. It didn’t mean he couldn’t die

Eren will _not_ watch Levi die.

He can imagine it though; he can almost hear Levi’s agonized screams ringing in his ears, smell the copper of his blood splashing in the grass, see the light drain out of his eyes as his body goes limp in Eren’s arms. The thought of it makes his stomach turn, and he rolls onto his back to keep the sudden nausea at bay with a few deep breaths. No! He isn’t going to think like that! Those sorts of thoughts are meaningless; he pushes them aside with the sure knowledge that he’s pouring every ounce of himself into keeping all the people he cares for alive, into making their dreams a reality.

He’s acting. He hasn’t given up. He won’t give up as long as he’s got breath, not when he has so very much to lose and the whole world to gain.

Still, the world isn’t ending right now, and since he doesn’t think Levi will want to get crumbs in his bed, Eren rises to get some clothes on so that they can eat somewhere else. He chuckles when he realizes that the pants he’s grabbed are about three inches too short, but since he can’t find his own he puts them on anyway while he glances out the window to the wintry scene beyond. Deep drifts of snow catch the moonlight, shimmering underneath a perfectly clear sky, calm and peaceful.

But, like all times of calm, this one doesn’t last either.

The giant hand swings down slowly, seemingly giving Eren all the time in the world to react, to watch wide-eyed as the window he’s just been looking out of is blown inwards towards him. Glass shatters and cuts at his bare skin, the force of the blow rocketing him back as the deafening roar of wood being torn apart rings painfully in his ears. Before he can catch himself he’s skidding along the floor and slamming into the adjacent wall, the impact so hard that the wind is knocked out of him and he’s momentarily stunned.

He isn’t sure how long it takes to clear his head, but once he does and the world isn’t spinning anymore he knows he’s in some serious trouble. There’s a strange feeling at the back of his neck, a tingling that he’s never felt before, something that leaves the taste of metal and bile on his tongue. Confused, he recoils as the tips of the titan’s fingers brush against his shoulders, trying to scoot away on hands and knees while bringing his own hand up to his mouth on instinct alone. He pauses when it brushes his lips, teeth chattering as he stares into the eyes of something unlike anything he’s ever seen, something that sends a cold racing along his skin that has nothing to do with the wind whipping through the room.

“It won’t work.”

It spoke. The titan spoke.

“But you can try it if you’d like.”

Titans don’t speak.

Eren’s heart stutters in his chest at those well-spoken words, at the almost human sound of its voice; he stares at the way the titan’s lips move, at the way it gazes at him through the gaping hole in the wall. Eren knows that look. He’s seen it a hundred times on the faces of those who underestimated him in the past, who thought he couldn’t do something, who thought they were better than he was. It’s _smug_. It’s looking at Eren as though it knows some big secret, as though it’s laughing at him, as though it thinks he’s stupid. It’s mocking him…

Eren _hates_ that.

Damn, the Corporal isn’t going to like this one bit.

Because as much as Eren doesn’t want to do it -to shift inside the house like this- he knows he doesn’t have any choice. He can hear the shouting coming from outside and the rumble of titans in the yard. He knows that his friends need his help. Eren won’t lose them like he lost Petra and the others; he won’t allow his indecision to kill his friends, his family, or his lover.

He won’t!

So he closes his eyes and bites down as hard as he can on his hand, the blood spraying up into his mouth, a clear objective in his mind…

And nothing happens.

He tries again, thinking that perhaps he just hadn’t bitten hard enough, just didn’t go deep enough, but is again met with failure. _It won’t work._ The titan’s words replay in his mind as he sinks his teeth in for a third time, grunting at the sharp pain that shoots all the way up to his elbow. Why isn’t it working? Why isn’t he shifting?! He glances up from his mangled hand at the knowing eyes of the strange titan, his own eyes widening in response as the beginnings of fear seep into his chest. What is going on?!

It’s then that he sees a flash in his peripheral vision, the light of a scattered ember catching on Levi’s spare sword not too far from where Eren is crouched. He instantly dives for it, wrapping his hand around the hilt before jumping back to take cover near the overturned bed. Eren can only be glad that Levi’s room small enough that it restricts movement, but he knows it won’t be long before the titan grows tired of trying to fish him out and just rips the whole damn roof off.

Why do they want him?! Why does everyone keep trying to kidnap him?!

“Eren!”

The sound of Levi’s voice slices through the room like a knife, but despite wanting to look at him and make sure he’s okay, Eren can’t move. His eyes are frozen on the enemy in front of him, focused so completely that he knows if he tries to turn away he’s going to lose his nerve. Every muscle in his body is tense with fear, and it’s all he can do to shake his head, to swallow his heart back down and keep calm.  

“Stay back, Levi!”

He manages to slash forward when the titan reaches for him again, slicing off the tip of its enormous finger with an angry growl. Blood splashes up onto his cheeks, quickly evaporating as he watches the massive arm flail around wildly in retaliation. It thrashes this way and that, crashing into the ceiling and floor, sending splinters of wood flying in all directions and Levi’s belongings scattering along the floor.

A single tattered patch, the insignia crusted with dried blood along its edges, flutters to his feet in the melee.

And it’s then -upon seeing Levi’s grief strewn about for everyone to see- that Eren recovers, that he feels the fear burn away in favor of something else. _Anger_. The emotion is a welcome one; it returns his confidence, gives him something to center on, something to fuel him. Rejuvenated, Eren chances a glance at Levi’s face; at first he sees nothing, only the absence of emotion in the calm line of his mouth, but eventually the sun of indignation rises in his dark eyes and Eren somehow knows they’re thinking the same thing.

“You fuckin’ bastard!” he shouts, squaring his shoulders. It doesn’t matter that he’s half-naked and freezing and at a clear disadvantage. It doesn’t matter that he can’t shift and really doesn’t stand much of a chance considering the situation. None of that matters because (whether anyone else recognizes it or not) Levi looks as though his heart has just broken and Eren simply won’t stand for it.

A strange look of surprise comes over the titan’s face before it morphs into something curious, as though contemplating its next move in a chess game and Eren is one of its pawns. “Is this what you’re worried about?” It points, and though the question is directed at Eren…the finger is extended out to Levi.

Multiple things happen at once.

Levi calls out Eren’s name and springs forward, clearly intent on meeting him halfway as they both rush in towards the middle of the room. At the same time the creature darts in as much as its girth will allow, its presence enormous in the small space, looming closer by the instant. Eren pushes himself with everything he has to outrun it, all his focus on getting to Levi even if he doesn’t know what he’ll do once he reaches him.

And for the briefest moment it almost seems like he’s going to make it, when their fingers are a hair’s breath apart and he can see the furrow between Levi’s eyebrows and hear the sound of his bare feet slapping on the floor…

But everything goes straight to hell.

Eren cries out wordlessly as the back of the titan’s hand strikes, tossing Levi against the wall with a sickening crack. He oozes down the faded wallpaper into a messy human puddle, every limb slack and scattered about haphazardly in a way that reminds Eren of a ragdoll, of something boneless. A small trail of blood blooms and trickles down his temple, a wicked splash of color that stands out in stark contrast to his pale skin and dark hair, so bright that it almost doesn’t look real. There is no other movement save that, nothing to indicate that he lives, no breath, no twitching, no sign of life at all.

Eren doesn’t hear anything after that…he doesn’t hear Mikasa shouting for him to stop, doesn’t hear Jean and Connie running towards him through the snow, doesn’t hear the dull thumps of titan feet in every direction, doesn’t hear anything but the screaming in his own head. At least he assumes it’s in his head; he can’t be entirely sure because he doesn’t really care. All he knows is that if he’s lost a person he loves again, if he has to face that kind of sorrow, then he’s at least going to make the filth who did it pay. This time will be different! He’s not just going to wait for his revenge; he’s going to shove Levi’s blade right into those so-calm eyes, push it straight through to where he knows someone is waiting on the other side. Someone is in there. They’re like him. There is a human being inside that stinking pile of flesh and they’ve willfully stolen something from Eren that cannot be replaced.

He’ll _kill_ them!

Seconds after his blade sinks into the titan’s eyesocket and he sees the lack of reaction it gets, Eren knows he’s fucked up. He’s totally misjudged the situation; he's let his emotions get the better of him to the point that he’s put himself in serious danger. But before he can counteract his own stupidity the titan has snapped him up, its long fingers wrapping around his body and squeezing him so tightly that his ribs crack every time he tries to take a breath. The bitter night wind whips through his hair and his stomach rolls as he’s lifted into the air, but none of that stops him from trying to get free, from biting and kicking and fighting, from trying to get to Levi.

“Levi! Levi, wake up! Are you okay? Wake up!!”

Slowly Levi blinks open his eyes, his whole body visibly trembling as he shakes his head back and forth before attempting to push himself up onto his elbows. Jean and Connie are instantly at his side, each one taking an arm and propping him between them while simultaneously pointing up towards Eren. It’s then that their gazes meet, and Eren can honestly say he’s never felt the kind of sheer relief that he does in that moment, in that brief span of time when he sees Levi looking back at him and knows he isn’t dead. Thank god he’s alive. Thank god Eren doesn’t have to burn another body. Thank god he doesn’t have another life on his conscience.

He’s never been so happy to have that man glaring at him as though Eren is the biggest idiot Levi has ever met.

“Don’t die!” the older man shouts up to him over the sound of the wind, and Eren somehow manages to give a small, confident nod moments before the titan hauls him away into the night. The other titans follow suit, and soon the lights of the farmhouse are falling behind him, swallowed up by a velvet darkness that is pierced only by the soft light of the moon and the twinkling of the stars. On and on they walk, through the fields and down into the trees, the branches opening wide and consuming them as they breach the edge of the forest. Eren remains silent throughout the entire journey, listening to the steady sound of the titan’s footsteps crunching in the snow and his own chattering teeth, all the while wishing that he’d managed to get on a few more clothes before he’d gotten himself kidnapped.

Within minutes they’re passing through a strangely familiar clearing, and it’s then that Eren realizes it’s the same path he and Levi had traveled a month before. If he squints he can just barely make out where they’d camped, where they’d kissed, where they’d ridden through steams and meadows full of wildflowers together. There are no flowers now, only mountains rising up like giants in the distance, the moonlight catching on their jagged cliffs of midnight blue and silver. No explanation seems forthcoming, but as they move in their direction them Eren can only assume that they are the goal.

A trip that had taken him and Levi an entire day becomes nothing more than an hour’s stroll, and yet it seems like an eternity before they find themselves at the base of the mount. In spite of the circumstances Eren is still awestruck, jaw going slack at the terrifying splendor of it; he’s never been this close to a mountain, never seen anything so huge in all his life that wasn’t a man-made wall. The mountain seems to rise up forever and ever, and even though it disappears into the darkness Eren can still sense the weight of it, can feel the massive presence towering beside him.

He wishes Levi were here.

Without warning they change direction and steer towards an opening in the rock face, the smaller titans hanging back at the entrance as the hairy one presses onward. Any light that may have followed them into the cave vanishes almost instantly, and Eren has the sense of being enclosed even though he can see nothing at all. The air around him is slightly moist and bone-achingly cold, the rush of water trickling down the walls the only sound other than the scraping of the titan’s feet against the ground.

“What’s going--” he starts to say, only to stop when his own voice echoes off the rocks and startles him. He receives no answer save for being gently set down onto the rocky cave floor, the chill of it seeping thought his pants and numbing his skin. Disoriented, he struggles to his feet, but it’s hard to stay that way when he can’t see and so he throws his arms out to either side of himself to try and maintain his balance.

“Who are you?” His voice comes out shaky, so very much less confident than he would’ve liked. “What do you want with me?”

“My identity is irrelevant,” it answers, and Eren can suddenly feel it lean down towards him, can feel its warm breath puff out evenly onto his body. It’s close. It’s so close. Can it see him? Is it smelling him? Eren can’t recall ever having any sort of heightened senses in his titan form, but that didn’t necessarily mean that other titans didn’t have them.

“All that matters is the Coordinate. And you, Eren Jaeger, are going to help us. However, whether you choose to do so or are forced is entirely up to you.”

Eren _really_ wishes Levi were here, but it looks like he’s going to have to get out of this one on his own.

Now If only he knew what the hell he was going to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing makes me happier than sharing all the silly fanart/fic I find with you! Come visit me at:
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaay! School is over for three whole months! Now my only responsibility is work; this is good news for you guys because I'll be finishing this story lickity-split!
> 
> Well...maybe not THAT fast.
> 
> Anyway! The story seems to have taken a turn for action again and I'm pretty okay with it. It's fun! Hope you guys enjoy! I've missed you! :D

"Y-you’re going to eat me, aren’t you?”

Silence answers back from the darkness, its weight made all the heavier by the howling of the wind outside  and the hammering of Eren’s heart in his ears. It’s then —in quiet so thick it’s all he can do not to scream— that he just barely hears the soft rush of water from far behind him, near the back of the cave. It’s too steady to be trickling from the rocks, too substantial to be a pool…it’s moving water, like the sound of a stream.  

It’s a way out, he realizes with a start. It’s his ticket to freedom if he can find it and manage to do so before the titan devours him. But he has to be smart about it, play his cards right and hope that when he finally gets away he doesn’t freeze to death in the snow.

“Well? Are you?!” he shouts, listening to his own fear bouncing back at him in endless loops. Breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself, Eren blinks; his night vision is stronger now that he’s away from the moonlight, clearer than it was before. The massive titan is nothing more than a faint outline in the gloom, but he can easily see the way its eyes reflect a sort of internal light as though illuminated from within. It sets off every warning bell in Eren’s skull, urging him to step back defensively even though he’s not sure what he’s stepping back into.

“I might,” it answers at last, voice a mere whisper. “But it doesn’t have to be that way, Eren.”

The sound of his name is a bristling growl that rattles off the titans tongue and down the length of Eren's spine, drying out the inside of his mouth until it feels like old cotton. Ignoring it, he continues groping his way around, his bare feet slipping against the moist rock with almost every step so that it’s almost impossible to maintain his balance. Combine that with the fact that he’s nearly numb with cold and it adds up to be a damning combination, but Eren won’t stop, couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. He never takes his eyes off the enormous shadow looming before him as he goes, ready at any moment for it to dart forward, to swallow him in one bite. In truth, he doesn’t care where the damn water leads, only that he won't be at this strange titan’s mercy once he gets there.

“Don’t call me that,” Eren hisses, scraping his shin as he loses his footing and tumbles to the rocks below. He grunts in pain as his ankle twists on impact, reaching down for it unconsciously. “Why wouldn’t it be that way? Not hungry?”

“Hardly, I just think there are better ways to go about things.”

The reply makes Eren pause in his attempt to get up; he takes the opportunity to rub his hands along his upper arms to warm them, wishing his titan powers would kick back in so he didn’t feel so frostbitten. Better way? What other way was there for a titan? They eat people; that’s just how things are. Then again, this isn’t exactly a normal titan, and any preconceived notions Eren may have had are completely null and void in the face of this new enemy.

A strange sound like the rending of cloth echoes against the cavern walls, and without warning a human form emerges from the neck of the crouching titan. Its posture is straight and perfect as it jumps down from the shoulder to the ground below, regarding Eren in a way that feels even more predatory than before. He can’t make out any details of them in the dark, not even whether it’s a man or woman, but its body language makes Eren think it must have been someone important. Or at least they thought they were someone important, which was almost worse. For a second Eren almost considers attacking them, of rushing them to see how tough they really are, but almost instantly thinks better of it. He wouldn’t stand a chance under the circumstances.

Even its voice, when it comes, gives away nothing of its identity. It is a neutral, rolling tone that purrs in an accent Eren has never heard before. Who is this person?! “You see? I’m human too, Eren. There’s no need to fight another human being, is there? Surely working together would be more…beneficial?”

“I don’t work with traitors.”

“…You know _nothing_ of treachery, boy.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it then?” Eren continues his backwards trek, feeling along the walls with outstretched arms to guide himself while trying to keep his pursuer talking, trying to keep them distracted. “Who are you, anyway? How do you know who I am?”

The cave narrows until at last he feels the first hint of water wet the soles of his feet, goosebumps racing along his skin as it splashes up around his ankles. It’s an unnervingly loud sound, and it echoes off the rocks again and again as though intentionally betraying Eren's plans. He watches as the shadowy figure tenses visibly, clearly startled by it before taking a few steps in Eren’s general direction. “Where are you?” it calls out, whipping around in a quick search.

He doesn’t answer, choosing instead to turn towards what he realizes now is a small underground river, the current embracing him as he wades further in. Stopping for a moment to catch his breath when it reaches the top of his thighs, Eren's teeth start to chatter; it won’t take long to freeze to death in water this cold, for it to send him into shock. Can he do this? Who knows where the hell this thing leads! It could lead to nothing! But it has to be better than being captured by titans, and even if he dies in here it will have been better than the alternative.

Still…he doesn’t want to die.

“Where are you going?” it demands loudly, it’s tone growing steadily more agitated the longer Eren refuses to answer. It’s starting to babble now, all niceties leaking away in the face of Eren’s disregard. “Don’t you want to save your family? Don’t you want your lover to survive? I can make that happen, Eren. It will take so little from you.”

Images of the last time he’d seen Levi’s face bubble up unbidden in Eren’s mind, followed quickly by Mikasa and Armin and his friends. They truly are all the family Eren has left now; their lives are more important to him than anything else in the entire world including his own. Could he really save them just by helping these people? Armin is always telling him that to change things you have to be willing to throw something else away but…could he doom all of humanity for it? Could he go that far? Glancing over his shoulder, a part of him wants to say yes, to go back and give this bastard anything they want in exchange for the people he loves.

And yet…

He can imagine trying to explain to Levi why he’d allowed the human race to be overrun, can picture the way the older man’s eyes would narrow in contempt, the way he’d turn his back and square his shoulders and walk away from Eren forever. Levi would never contemplate this choice in a million years. What kind of person would Eren be if he said yes to such an agreement? Not someone for Mikasa to look up to. Not someone for Armin to take to the ocean. Certainly not Humanity’s Last Hope.

He’d be nothing.

So he knows he can’t, even if some part of him wants to.

“Fuck. Off.”

Heedless of injury, Eren pushes himself into the stream, gasping as the water floods up to instantly numb every inch of skin that it comes into contact with. The deeper he moves into the flow the harder it becomes to keep his footing, and soon he’s up on his tip-toes drifting away from the bank into what he can only assume is some kind of tunnel. It’s hard to see now even with his nightvision; he spares a moment to wonder if he’s made a bad decision before lifting his feet off the ground entirely to allow himself to be at the mercy of the current.

The person must be back in their titan now; he can hear them stomping towards him seconds before giant legs send icy waves crashing over his head as it barrels into the water. The cave engulfs him completely then and with it his vision vanishes, nothing left but the sound of the titan roaring in fury as it reaches for him through the cavern, long fingers brushing against Eren’s leg as it strains to reclaim him. Not knowing what else to do, Eren sucks in as deep a breath as he can and plunges down beneath the surface of the freezing water, pushing past pain that’s like a thousand tiny knives stabbing into his skin all at once. Hoping he doesn’t knock himself out on a rock in the process, he kicks to get as far away as he can, keeping his eyes closed lest claustrophobia crush him with its weight.

He reminds himself: this stream is flowing and it has to flow somewhere. He has to hold on until he gets to that point. He has to keep swimming.

There's no way to tell how far he manages to get, but eventually his lungs begin to ache and he's forced to float back up, shocked when he nearly kisses the ceiling of the cavern upon breaching the surface of the water. Holy shit! How deep is this?! Does it narrow down to nothing but water?! Panic surges through him as he struggles to tread water, fighting to stay still but really only managing to make enough tiny waves that they splash up into his nose to choke him. Eren can feel his pulse pounding wickedly in his ears, terror threatening to overwhelm him with each passing breath as he tries desperately to wrestle oxygen into his lungs. What should he do?! If he goes any further he could end up in an underwater cave with no way out, but if he tries to go back he’ll either be forced into helping the enemy or eaten alive!

Either way he’ll die.

_Don’t die!_

Levi’s parting words whisper back at him through his fear like the sun breaking through a summer storm, stern and demanding and everything he needs right now; Eren swallows thickly and focuses on them, lets Levi’s resolve fill him up and soothe him. He has to live because he has things to live for. He has to do this because he has things left to do. He has to make a decision and hope he doesn’t regret it. Forward or back?

It was never really a question.

Filling his lungs one last time, Eren angles his feet so that he can get a good push off the rocky ceiling and off he goes into the depths. The position allows him to shoot fast through the water at first, but eventually he slows and has to rely on his own body to keep the velocity going, to get him where he wants to be. On and on he goes, all the while trying to recall everything he’s ever learned about how to swim as he propels himself through water so cold that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be warm again. Eren ignores it, pushes it to the back of his mind, and keeps swimming. His lungs start to burn sooner than he’d hoped but Eren tells himself to forget that too, to focus instead on kicking his legs in even strokes, on slicing his arms through the water. He has to make it as far as he can before he tries to surface again; if he hits rock he knows he'll panic and there will be nothing on earth powerful enough to calm him a second time.

Eventually the pain in his chest becomes too sharp to ignore and Eren finds himself flailing wildly in response, his head spinning to the point that he barely knows which way is up. He can’t go much further, his body is giving out on him! Swallowing around his fear, he strains for the surface, praying to any god that will listen to let him find air, to let him live one more day, to let him see the sun just one more time. He doesn’t want to rot in this dark place, far from everyone he cares about. He doesn’t want Levi to wonder what happened to him, to be left all alone with a thousand theories but no proof.

Please. _Please_. **_Please_**!

His fingertips pierce the surface of the water unhindered and Eren gratefully follows their lead up into the open, greedily gulping down huge mouthfuls of air once he reaches it despite the fact that it's moldy and stale.  Shaking his head to get the hair out of his eyes, he wipes away the relieved tears that spill unintentionally from his eyes. Oddly enough he can see again, and once he gets a good look around he can tell that he’s drifting ever so slowly towards an opening in the mountainside, the shadows of snow-covered trees dancing in the moonlight just beyond the exit.

He’s made it! He did it!

Every muscle in his body screams as he drags himself to the shore, digging his fingernails into the muddy earth to haul himself bodily to safety. There he remains for long minutes, heedless of the fact that he could be found at any moment in favor of relishing the fact that he isn’t dead, of catching his breath and working through his frayed emotions. It’s only then, when he manages to calm himself, that he realizes he isn’t as cold as he was before, that his skin seems to be warming from the inside out. At first he’s a little nervous, thinking perhaps that he’s already hypothermic, but when he glances down at himself and sees the steam rising up off his skin he promptly figures out what’s actually going on.

He’s far enough away from that weird titan that his shifting powers are coming back! Maybe he isn’t strong enough yet to actually shift, but he certainly has a better chance of living than he had before!

Things are looking up!

Smiling, he rises unsteadily to his feet and pushes his hand up through his hair, grimacing at the way it’s beginning to freeze all around his face. Thankfully, there don’t seem to be any titans around, so for now the only real obstacle is surviving the elements. With luck he’ll be able to find a clearing so he can see the stars to get his bearings and then he’ll be off towards home. Towards Levi! Why, if he tries he could be back in two days time!

Still…he wishes he had some shoes. Walking barefoot through the snow is seriously a pain in the ass.

***********

“Keep up, dammit!” Levi snaps from the front of the line, his voice barely rising up over the wind as he stares off towards the mountains. His temple gives a sharp throb in response to his agitation and he tugs his hood closer to keep the injury warm, to keep himself insulated against the bitter cold. Every inch of exposed skin is already frostbitten at this point, almost painful to the touch, but the memory of Eren’s face as he was stolen makes it easier to ignore.

The dumb kid wasn’t even wearing _clothes;_ how the hell could Levi let this happen?

Listening to his mare’s hooves crunch through the snow, he leans in to whisper gentle encouragements against her mane, rubbing her neck to praise her bravery before petting her flank when she bears down against the wind. She’s weary -the snow is deep and she’s struggling- but he trusts her to keep on because they’ve been through worse together. He’d also like to think she can feel his urgency and is responding to it somehow, but that might be the concussion talking.

He doesn’t care. He’s going to find Eren no matter what he has to do. Eren is out there waiting for him and Levi isn’t going to let him down. He has to tell him; the brat can’t die before Levi gets a chance to say the things he already should have said.

“Sir!” Kirschtein calls from a few feet back. “The horses are barely getting through these drifts and the ones in the forest will be even deeper! I don’t know how much further we can go!”

Levi grits his teeth and turns to glare daggers at the younger man, watching him shrink back into his saddle under the force of Levi’s anger. “You can piss off if you want to, but expect a court-martial when you get back. I’ll keep going without any of you if I have to!" He looks at each of them in turn, but it’s only when he catches Ackerman’s gaze in the dark, watches it narrow with determination over the red of her scarf, that knows he isn’t going to have to.

The two of them may not agree on a hell of a lot, but on this they see eye to eye. They _are_ going to get Eren back, and god help the person who tries to stop them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna come fangirl with me over fictional characters? I thought so...
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shamefully walks in*
> 
> I know this chapter is late. Very late. But in my defense, in the last month I have aced all my college finals, got a promotion at my job, worked 60 hours of overtime, and had my mom go in for back surgery. BUT I TOTALLY DID NOT FORGET YOU GUYS. 
> 
> I'd like to apologize in advance if the grammar is a bit off, but I tried so hard to get this bear of a chapter out. I hope it meets with your approval!
> 
> Also! We're nearly at the end! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I'd give this story maybe...three more chapters? Tops. Man, has this been fun. You guys are great for sticking with me.

He’s never been so glad to be a titan before; it was the only reason he’d survived the night.

Dawn breaks slowly over the horizon, blanketing the frozen landscape in golden beams of sunlight that dance and glitter off the trees. Eren pauses to catch his breath at the top of a steep bluff, hugging himself for warmth as he stares out across the forest to the plains beyond. Despite the distance he’s traveled during the night, he realizes now that he still has at least twenty miles to go; without the aide of starlight he could easily lose his way, but he tries his best to make something of a mental map as a way to guide himself in the right direction.

Something bays furiously from behind, but the trees are so tall that Eren can’t tell what the hell it is and ducks down behind a nearby bush either way. He doesn’t have to hear them to know they’re close. Eren had tried to follow the stream for as long as he could to avoid making footprints, but eventually he’d been forced into the snow and the titans had been hunting him ever since. They’d have even more advantage now that the sun is up, but he tries not to think about it 

Every muscle aches in unison as he plunges back into the icy underbrush, the vines and branches snapping back to leave bloody scrapes in his skin. Eren can’t recall ever being so weary, but as he hears the responding titans call all around him he knows he can’t stop. His shifting power has yet to fully return, and without it he’s practically a sitting duck out here where anyone can see him.

He trudges on, trying to muddle up his tracks as best he can as he goes; his feet have gone from painfully frostbitten to perfectly healed at least a dozen times so far, the steam rising up off them in billowing waves as his healing ability works relentlessly to keep him alive.  Now that the sun is up he can see what a mess his skin has become, blotchy patches of deadened flesh where the cold has eaten away contrast the soft, new ones where regeneration has already taken place. It’s like looking at a corpse that’s been out in the snow…the symbolism isn’t lost on Eren at all.

The sun is halfway to noon before he allows himself to stop again, pausing to check out a strange trail he finds parallel to a line of birch trees. It’s long and deep and leads into the forest, drifting snow piled to either side as though something had been pushing its way through. These are clearly not the tracks of a titan, and his heart jumps into his throat when he realizes that it must be from a row of horses.

From Levi?

Hope creeps up in him unbidden, but he pushes it back down. Nothing short of death would stop Levi from finding him, but even if he’s out here it doesn’t mean that Eren can turn back. His stores of energy aren’t infinite, and he can’t afford to wander around trying to find the others while he slowly freezes to death. His only choice is to move forward and hope they circle back and find him before the titans do. Still, he has to bite his lip to keep from calling out, from yelling for help, from making too much noise.

No…he has to move forward.

It's the crunching snow that alerts him to the fact that he is no longer alone, but it’s the shadow across his eyes that tells him it’s already too late.

“ _Shit_!” he cries out, flinging himself to the side in an attempt to dodge the oncoming assault. Snow pillows around him as the titan sails overhead, its massive landing producing a blizzard that sprays up into the air and drifts on the mid-morning breeze like a frozen cloud. “Get the hell away from me!”

Stomach twisting into painful knots, Eren slaps a shaking hand over his mouth and tries to clear his thoughts. Titans are not intelligent; he should be able to bury himself in these high drifts while it searches for him, hide out for a while and then get away. It’s risky, though. The cold is already burning against his skin, making his teeth chatter involuntarily, making him sluggish. There’s no way his emptying reserves will be enough to keep him alive cocooned in ice for who knew how long.

There’s no way he can stay here.

A strange snuffling accompanies the sound of ice crunching beneath the giant’s feet, reminding Eren of a dog sniffing at its food dish. _It’s scenting him out._ He’d laugh at the comparison if he weren’t too busy digging himself a makeshift cavern and squeezing himself bodily into the hole once it’s big enough. The sunlight only barely filters through the inches of snow above him, leaving him in a hollow of semi-darkness, blind and helpless. Still, he can hear the way the monster is pushing aside great waves of white as it slowly crawls through the drifts on hands and knees, its hair hissing back and forth across the surface of the snow as it sniffs and sniffs and sniffs. What kinds of titans are these? How is this happening?

Eren feels like a pheasant cowering in the grass, pulse pounding in his ears louder and louder as the hunter’s footfalls come closer.  It’s a struggle to keep himself calm now, to not dart out and make a break for it, to not give in to panic and get himself killed. God, Eren wants to _run_. His whole body is vibrating with the need for flight, every muscle taut and quivering. But he holds himself steady, shoves his face into the freezing snow and finds soothing thoughts (Levi’s soft face in the morning, Armin’s gentle voice reading aloud late into the night, Mikasa’s unwavering hand even when he didn’t want it) to focus on, something to ease his rising anxiety.

He. Cannot. Run.

Minutes pass like hours before he finally hears the titan veer off, allowing him to cautiously peek above the edge of the snow. It’s off to the right now, lumbering away somewhat unsteadily towards the mountain in the distance. This is his chance! It has to be now! He takes a deep breath and digs in, clawing his way to the surface with numb fingers as quietly as he can. When it doesn’t seem to draw any attention he wraps his arms around his shivering body and stumbles off in the opposite direction, desperately trying to get back to the cover of the forest, to the shadows where he’ll be a little safer.

Each step is a struggle by the time he reaches the line of trees; there’s no choice but to stop and lean against one, to rest himself. Salty warmth comes unbidden from the corner of his eyes while he tries to catch his breath, but he squeezes them shut to keep the fear from spilling down his face.  How long can he keep this up? How many times will he have to double back to avoid capture before he simply passes out from exhaustion and cold? Eren doesn’t want to give up, doesn’t want to quit, and he’d go in a hundred circles if it meant he’d makes it out alive by the end.

Throat scratchy, he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand and shoves a large handful of snow into his mouth. It quickly melts on his tongue and turns to water, soothing the burn and calming the hunger pangs gurgling in his belly.  No point in dying of dehydration when he doesn’t have to; no point in allowing himself to die of something simple like that when there were so many more creative ways to go.

It’s all so infuriating, and he doesn’t know what to do anymore but keep walking.

The snow is a little shallower once he gets into the high trees, the ones that tower, that hold up the snow in their branches to shield the ground below. Pausing, he glances up towards the canopy, at the sky beyond it, and swallows around a sudden surge of emotion; he’s never felt so alone. Even knowing Levi is out here somewhere isn’t enough to ease it.

 _Be careful what you wish for, Eren_.

“You guys just don’t give up, do you?” he growls under his breath, feeling the ground under his feet jostle with the impact of an oncoming titan. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! There’s nowhere to go, nowhere to run that they won’t catch up to.

But there’s always up.

Taking off at as much of a sprint as he can manage, Eren spots a low hanging branch and quickly jumps for it, the bark biting at his skin when he somehow manages to make purchase. The titan is closing in fast but he focuses instead on one hand in front of the other, on making his footing as sure as possible as he starts the climb. None of it is going to be enough and he knows that internally, but the first brush of the titan’s fingers against the sole of his foot still comes as something of a shock. Gritting his teeth, he grunts and kicks down without looking, only to gasp when the giant teeth snap mere inches from his toes.

That’s all it takes.

With his concentration broken Eren loses his footing and with it those precious few lifesaving inches; the titan wastes no time in taking advantage of his failure, wrapping its hand around his leg to give it an excruciating heave. “Let go, fucker!” Eren screams at the top of his lungs and begins to struggle in earnest, all thoughts of stealth gone as his feet slip from the tree altogether. Only his tenuous hold on the above branch keeps him from the titan’s maw now, its grip so tight that Eren’s pretty sure it might rip his leg off if the pain is anything to go by. That would be better, actually; he’d rather lose a leg than lose his life.

It wouldn’t be the first time he’d lost a limb anyway.

“ _Eren_!”

The blow comes cracking from the side, toppling the small titan into a pile of limbs as its blood sprays out in a steaming fountain to the waiting snow. Everything becomes foggy in the aftermath, Eren’s ears ringing so loudly that he can barely hear his name being repeatedly called, the sound muffled as if filtered through layers of cloth. A painful twitch is beginning in his fingers but he pushes it aside in favor of maintaining his grip, biceps shaking with the effort of holding himself aloft as his legs dangle uselessly. Eren doesn’t dare look down, doesn’t dare hope that he’s somehow been saved, that he’s no longer alone.

He loses it about ten seconds later.

It’s hard to imagine anything more humiliating than the startled squeak that emerges from his lips upon tumbling face first into a random drift, arms and legs flailing wildly even as someone starts trying to tug him free of it. In spite of that, it’s pure joy to feel anything warm after being half-naked out in the cold so long, to feel the way his frozen skin starts prickling when his nose is shoved protectively into the folds of a familiar bright red scarf. Her uniform (as it can be no one else) rubs and scratches against his bare skin where she hugs him close; Eren can’t even work up the energy to be resentful over it.

“M-Mikasa?” There’s a quiver in his voice that he isn’t sure comes from the cold or relief; whichever it is, the tone makes her embrace tighten in a way that he would never admit to liking.

“Eren,” she replies before roughly grabbing the back of his head to tug him around and examine him. Her face is obscured almost entirely by the furry hood of her winter coat, only her eyes exposed like two glittering points in a circle of darkness that scrutinize his every move. “Are you hurt? What did they do to you? How did you get away?”

Mikasa’s rapid-fire questions fade into the background as his situation sinks in and he starts to gather his thoughts. Had she come here alone? Where was everyone else? It’s difficult to focus on much more than the warming of his body, but he has enough presence of mind to wonder if Levi is here. Is he still hurt? Eren could have sworn he’d seen the other man wake up before he’d been lifted away.

But maybe that had just been wishful thinking…

“Enough,” snaps the voice that answers Eren’s question, the sound of it low and unbelievably tired. “Let him breathe.”

Head snapping up too quickly, Eren’s vision swims sickeningly; there are two Levi’s approaching him now, each one blurrily fading in and out of each another with each rushed step through the snow. Feeling the waver, Mikasa steadies his body against her own as Levi kneels down next to them, reluctantly opening her arms when Eren starts to squirm in an effort to get to him. He needs to touch him, needs to reinforce the fact that he’s really here with physical touch, to know that he’s not dead.

Because Levi looks awful, everything from jaw to temple purpling where he’d impacted the wall the night before, his dark eyes even more deep-set and exhausted than usual. His uniform is haphazardly put together and messy, most of the buttons only half clasped as though he’d thrown his clothing on without thinking. Eren is almost afraid to lay a hand on him, afraid to do any more damage than has already been done, that somehow this is all some sort of mirage and he’s really dying in the snow all alone. Thankfully Levi makes the decision for him, quickly jerking open his coat to tug it off and drape over Eren’s shoulders, shakily pulling the too-small hood over his head before giving him the once over. He reaches out then with a gloved hand, touching Eren’s cheek with only his fingertips as a deep breath rattles from between his lips.

“You look like shit,” he whispers finally, swallowing so hard that Eren can see his adam’s apple bob, some unnamable emotion spilling out through his gaze. Gentle fingers ghost across a deep sore near Eren’s chin, and even that light pressure is enough to break the surface of the skin, sending flakes of flesh drifting to the ground below. The spot oozes and bleeds almost immediately, causing Levi’s eyes to narrow in anger so quickly that Eren has to remind himself that the fury is not directed at him.

“No offense, sir,” Eren replies in what he hopes is a lighthearted way, failing to pull away from Levi’s grasp when blood smears on his palm, staining the leather of his glove, “but I was just thinking the same about you.”

Snorting softly, the older man ignores the others as they lead their horses up in a line, his attention stubbornly focused on trying to force his coat to button across Eren’s chest without gaping. “At least I’m not running around half-naked.”

“I don’t see how wearing your coat is going to make me dressed.”

“Was that a height joke, Jaeger?”

“Never.”

“No sign of any other titans.” Connie is barely recognizable through the layers of scarves. “But that doesn’t mean they’re far off. We’ve heard them all night long.”

As if on cue, a wicked scream rises up through the trees, setting off the familiar buzzing in Eren’s head that indicates just how close their adversaries actually are. Undaunted, he pushes to his feet, using Levi and Mikasa as braces while he tries to get his equilibrium back; his hand is suddenly full of Levi’s second sword, and the weight of it makes him feel steadier, a little more confident. They share a quick glance, and Eren risks reaching out to run his hand through Levi’s sweaty hair, smiling softly when he’s not pushed away. What he wouldn’t give to be anywhere but here.

“Oi, Eren,” Levi steps pointedly in front of him, eyes straight ahead as though trying to guide his attention. There is a distinct rumbling through the ground, and when he follows the other man’s line of sight he realizes that two of what he originally thought were trees are actually legs. Hairy legs. Long, tall, hairy legs that make his blood run cold and his heart speed up. “If we live through this, we should just get married or something.”

“What?! Eren is not going to marry you!” Mikasa draws both blades and crouches down into a fighting stance; Eren isn’t certain she’s threatening Levi or the titan she just spotted on their left.

Sadly, he doesn’t even have time to ask whether or not Levi is kidding before the attack comes from both sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit with me at my blog and we'll talk about Ereri and maybe Sebastian Stan. How's that sound? 
> 
> http://conjure-lass.tumblr.com/


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